Glorious Day
I have finally gotten permission from My Ever-so Wonderful Therapist to leave the Halfway House for Wayward Orcs. It's not that I didn't enjoy the daily routine of counseling and group therapy; and I'm sure I'll miss the scheduled periods of medication meditation and Trivial Pursuit games. But it is time for me to make my own way in life.
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Comments 9
SSSSSSCCCCCUUUURRRREEEEEEECCCCCHHHHHH!!!!
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*Deep Breath*
Dear friend,
You seem to have an unnatural prejudice against one entire species of people. You are fortunate that I am no longer controlled by such violent feeling that you are exhibiting... I will let this obviously misdirected rage pass and suggest therapy...
You know, MEWT (My Ever-so Wonderful Therapist) has room for one more. I would be happy to put in a good word for you and help you rid yourself of that counterproductive hostility. I mean, the next orc you may meet may not be as centered as I am.
Shagrat, the Reformed
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*stops*
oh alright i just had bad experiences with your kind before so i am not ready to befriend any orcs at once.
but i see you are not those shameful kinds
alright then--sorry for calling you a piece of fuck afore. :)
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You get lots of cookies...
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What exactly would the job duties include? Keep in mind that in my new reformed status, there can be no killing involved. That would include: slaying, murdering, assassinating, wasting, choking, strangling, throttling, garroting, downing, slowly squeezing the life out of, bludgeoning, beating down into the ground until the soil is soaked with blo.... Ah...
Anyhow, none of that.
Shagrat, the reformed.
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The position would involve tracking busy Windlord schedule (when it gets busy), plus possibly tracking busy Windlord if he starts sleepflying (we're thinking about a homing device of some sort...) You could wind up flying places with me so ability to travel is a must, and as we live in the heights you would have to be unafraid of them. Also, I'm told my eating habits are not for the squeamish - something about not cooking my food, evidently.
Then there's the fact that occasionally the children play hide-and-seek with people; usually not a problem but I think it best if my secretary have some wilderness survival skills - at least enough to keep themselves fed and comfy for a day or two - just in case it takes us that long to find you, should that happen.
The resort is in good enough shape to stay in, and I will make sure the other eagles know that you are a reformed orc, so they don't hunt ( ... )
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As I am an orc and was Captain of Cirith Ungol, wilderness survival is no problem. I have managed to survive in Mordor, I'm sure that any place that "the children" drop me will be no less hostile than that.
As for food, however, while I am not squeamish and have many times eaten meat deliciously, blood-drippingly, just ripped off the bone raw uncooked, I no longer eat meat of any kind. In fact, MEWT (My Ever-so Wonderful Therapist) has insisted that I become a vegan, saying doing so will remove me from "the violence associated with eating meat". So I would have to decline the cooking duties and would request that any cook you do hire be able to ( ... )
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How many words per minute can you type, for the record?
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When would you need me to start?
Shagrat, the Reformed
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