I just finished addressing, and filling out the customs papers to send Mike his packages. Last night was really hard. I sprayed his cologne over my pills, which gave me a sense of him being there. Its just hard when reality sets in and I realize I've got a long way to go. Someone is coming to look at Beth's dog today, shes been trying to get rid of ( Read more... )

Well, the empire guy comes tomorrow to do an at home estimate for me. I can't help but say, I am pretty effing stoked. I have been waiting so long to get carpet in this house, lord don't fail me now. I've been forcing myself to shove food down my throat since Mike left. I swear I've had to of lost at least 10lbs. I am doing good if I eat a few ( Read more... )

The last couple days have been a blur. I think it has to do with the fact that I spent months in the house, while Mike was at work, and now we're going out nearly everyday. I got our taxes back, and I've been spending money like its my j o b. Honestly.. not too crazily, but a grand is gone. I paid our mortgage and elec. bill as well, but I did ( Read more... )

Its so weird to admit this. Its always been a part of me, but its just so strange. I've been crying my eyes out lately. I remember a time when I couldnt force myself to cry if I wanted to. Weird things can set me off now. The strangest things. Like picking my clothes up off the floor and smelling him on them. But its far beyond deployment, its far ( Read more... )

Well, today Mike and I have officially been together for 2 years (not married, just together). Its times like this that I wish I could call him and tell him. I'm sure he doesn't know what the date is today. I think hes in Bagram by now. Hes had about a bajillion stops on the way. Today I successfully read Dear John & I have to admit, I was kind of ( Read more... )

I just found out that Mike wont be getting a midtour.
Which means.. 9 months until I see him again.
FML

Sometimes I read my journal entries from the past, and I am reminded that at one time I was either:
1. Young or2. Insane ( Read more... )

I am seriously in such a terrible mood right now. I looked at myself in a full length mirror for the first time in a very long time, without my shirt on. I hate myself. I hate seeing how much weight I've gained. I know the way I went about maintaining being skinny was ridiculous, but I still liked myself better then ( Read more... )

I've been laying in bed watching big love all day. Cameron and Beth are around, awaiting his deployment. I just don't want to be around anyone right now. Chance and Rodger have been doing their job, keeping me company. I got a call this morning from Mike, hes in Ireland. He was only supposed to be there for a few hours... but hes been there almost ( Read more... )

Even though I prepared myself for Mike leaving.
Even though I told myself.. It was what I signed up for
as an army wife.
Even though, we made peace.
Even though.. everything came into place.
I cant even explain how hard it is that hes finally gone.