bluepointsummer.blogspot.com

my spelling doesnt get better only worse and my typewriter is very dusty in what one would call a corner if one were set on presenting everything with a proper name. im thinking about late night Canal St. (how it empties!) drives all by myself, and my urge to intensify every experience with VANITY. and by VANITY, i mean you and all my masochistic ( Read more... )

the north easter wasnt nearly as fun as promised. sunday was sopranoes and sutter home- entourage and immersing ourselves in flood water. i want you and the moon and vanity fair photo spreads littering the floor. i want warm days and my new car. how bout you cupcake?

have been drowning myself in movies lately/have been trying hard not to dredge things up. sometimes we attain certain levels of maturity and sometimes more than others people are not able to keep up ( Read more... )

its good to feel like things are finally being accomplished.

so look back and realize three steps are not enough and that the gaps in my emotions get longer and wider. i dont throw myself down on the ground in hysterics but i dont really have that much fun either. from time to time people decide they really want to read and understand me- from time to time i feel degraded.

my three steps to getting better:
1. no drinking
2. no turner
3. no 'kill yourself' music.

i dont know which will be the hardest.

for lack of privacy i need somewhere to go. i skip every single class to feel nothing. apathetic in class apathetic in lunch apathetic in the commons apathetic in the pouring rain on my ride home. its the bone chill winter always brings that gets me worst. its been five days since i smoked last.

i could do this all day. and i do. i want to be perceptive and open and completely feeling but fuck it. again we all start the same way we began and ill just smile until these injustices are through.

so like fifty, i got hit. yes i was wounded while skipping class. the day was far too nice for fucking algebra II concepts so i stayed on the courtyard sunning and singing and smiling when SUDDENLY i was hit. in the ribs. by a bebe gun. mmmmmmmmm this is the sneak preview of my midlife crisis. ive gone insane for want of affection. i get it and ( Read more... )