i am happy after listening to old music and feeling pretty and spinning around and around by myself. i laughed and it was the best feeling i've had in a while. i was thinking about the difference between love laughter and mean laughter, and the difference between real friends and people who pretend. i love you. so much.

she would remember later that their conversations seemed as fragile and important as the invisible spider web in the basement. every once in a while she touched the web or the spider to make sure she was still alive. other times she would stand and watch her drink the life from tiny insects. it was like that with him. she could sit back and ( Read more... )

remember steve irwin, the crocodile hunter? he died. a sting ray killed him. that is so, so sad. i think my head may either fall apart or explode.

i just realized how many boys made me feel worthless this summer. and how all of them keep doing it. fuck that.

all of the following are making me angry ( Read more... )

so band camp is over, for one. and that's kind of a relief. it was what it was and i'm glad it's over, but there were some good things there too ( Read more... )

i was sitting here at my computer and looking at an im conversation from last night and i thought, "that smells good" and since smell is so strongly connected to memory i honestly thought that it was just sort of some kind of nostalgia. only like a psychological thing. but then i realized that something really did smell good. and i was trying ( Read more... )

sometimes it surprises me that people can make me feel so sad without even doing anything. just by being. and how friendships are falling apart. and how i didn't take my "medicine" today or do very much that i was supposed to, because i was so busy. busy is nice. tomorrow is busy too ( Read more... )

i had another crying dream last night, but it wasn't as bad. it was just strange. it made me think i miss you.

i can feel the bricks of the wall pressing against my cheek. my whole body up against it, my arms outstretched over it, not quite an embrace. it fills my vision. i can't go over it (too high) or around it (too big) but maybe if i shut my eyes and push really hard and hold my breath, i can go through it.