FIC: EVERYTHING YOU EVER 4/4 (Nuke BigBang 2010!)
Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 /
Sometimes Noah hates his own body, because even now he can feel himself blush. He hates that he blushes so easily, even though Luke seems to love it.
He looks back over the list, especially the last one. Comfort. Every time Noah has been hurt- that concussion, getting shot, going blind, a few other times- Luke has always been right there to take care of him.
Well, except for one time. Noah can remember another instance when Luke wasn’t so nice to him after getting into trouble…
************
“Come on dude, I promise they’ll hold up!” Parker rolled his eyes with a smile.
Noah couldn’t help the skeptical look on his face. “Parker, these things should be burned and their ashes scattered to the winds.” He held up the pair of poor, dilapidated ice skates.
That earned him another epic teenage eye roll. “They’re fine, I swear! Besides, I’m the only person who owns shoes that’ll fit your ginormous feet. So if you want to skate, you’ll just have to suck it up, man.” He grinned at Noah’s bemused expression as they finally made it to the pond.
They were the last two to arrive, the other kids already laughing and yelling. Luke was leading Sage and Natalie in races and patterns across the ice, while Faith kept Ethan busy playing in the dirt and snow on the banks.
Parker sat down next to them, taking off his shoes and lacing up his skates, bickering with Faith at the same time. Noah dropped his loaner pair on the ground with some trepidation, half expecting them to fall apart and disintegrate on impact. He took a moment to watch Luke instead, involuntarily smiling when he smiled, skating around with the girls. And yeah, maybe Noah was ogling a little bit. Who could blame him? His boyfriend was-
A flash of movement had him turning his head. And his stomach dropped to somewhere below his kneecaps. Ethan had gotten away from Faith and was running onto the pond- right through a patchy, brittle section of ice. “Ethan!” he yelled, skates forgotten, taking off in a dead sprint after the little boy.
But even as Noah reached for him, his sneakers sliding on the ice, a sharp gunshot-like crack! echoed across the pond. One second Ethan was there, the next there was nothing but a hole in the ice. Somewhere behind him he heard Faith scream and Luke send someone- Sage?- back to the house for help, but Noah was focused on what was in front of him. Automatically he shrugged off his heavy winter coat and, just as Luke yelled out his name, Noah jumped into the water.
‘Ice cold’ didn’t even begin to describe it. It felt like the water was trying to pull a Bruce Lee and yank his heart right out of his chest. The shock of it almost had him gasping, but luckily at the last moment he remembered to keep his mouth shut and that much-needed air in.
He forced himself to keep moving, keep his blood pumping, as he searched for Ethan. It was hard. Already he could feel the freezing water, like hands and shackles, trying to capture his legs and drag him down deeper. No way. He had to find Ethan, he had to.
There! A tiny little body, moving heartbreakingly slow, was trapped against the ice. Noah propelled himself forward, pushing against the numbness that was starting to set in. No way, he thought again. Ethan needed him. Finally he got there, grabbing the boy and wrapping him tightly in one arm. Ethan wasn’t moving now. No…
Noah was losing strength fast. He kicked back towards the break in the ice, even though he couldn’t really feel his hands or feet anymore. Probably not a good thing. Also not good- he was out of air and still a few endless feet away from escape. His chest was burning- well, not really burning, because he’d never been this cold before- and his eyelids felt heavy.
And just as the spots dancing in front of him started to overwhelm, he burst through the patch of ice, gasping for as much air as his compressed lungs would allow. Some last reserve of common sense had him making sure to lift Ethan well above the surface, out of the water.
A pair of hands pulled Ethan from him. Luke’s hands, he’d recognize them anywhere. Luke passed his brother over to Parker, who wrapped him up in Noah’s discarded coat and ran for the banks. There were other people approaching the pond now, people who looked a lot like Aaron and Holden.
Identifying people took a lot out of him, apparently. He felt himself start to slide back under the water when those hands came into view again and grabbed one of his arms. “No!” Luke was laying on his stomach on the ice, as close as he could get, pulling at him with all he had. “Come on, Noah, come on.”
“Luke…” Noah choked out, swallowing some water. Bad idea. Now he was cold inside and out. He tried to kick up, climb out of the water, but it wasn’t happening.
“Noah!” another voice yelled, and then Aaron was there, right next to Luke, pulling Noah’s other arm. Between the two, they managed to get Noah up out of the water and onto a thicker, stable part of the ice.
“Hey, hey, you’re okay. You’re okay, right?” Luke had Noah half-sprawled across his lap, gloved hands framing his face. “Jesus, what the hell were you thinking?”
“I’m fine,” he coughed, making sure he kept his eyes open. “How’s-”
“Luke, get his shirt off!” Aaron ordered sharply, taking off his own shoes and socks right there on the ice.
“What?” Luke stared at his brother, beyond confused. Noah was just as lost. He kinda wanted to add layers right now, not lose them.
“The wet clothes!” Aaron snapped, reaching for Noah’s soaked and ruined sneakers. “Do you want him to catch hypothermia?”
Oh, that. “No thanks,” Noah sighed, leaning more against Luke.
Aaron was finished removing Noah’s shoes and socks, and now his own dry socks were on Noah’s feet, shoes haphazardly back where they should be. “Luke, come on! Get his shirt off!”
Luke snapped to it, yanking at the flannel, forgoing the buttons all together. Noah smirked up at him, even as the punch of cold air on bare skin caused him to shake even more. “This isn’t exactly how I imagined you stripping me,” he mumbled.
“Noah, shut up,” Luke ordered, voice stern and shaking. He shed his coat, wrapping it tight around Noah’s upper body. Noah would have been fine right there like that, Luke’s arms around him, but unfortunately the Snyder brothers had to go and ruin a perfectly good moment. They pulled him to his feet, stood on either side of him, and forced him to walk towards the shore of the pond.
“Hey, is he alright?” When did Jack get there? And with a car? Noah didn’t think to ask out loud, just nodded and let Aaron and Luke push him into the backseat of the Ford Explorer.
“Where’s Ethan?” he heard someone ask, as Luke sat against the far door and dragged Noah back against his chest. Whatever Jack’s answer was, Noah didn’t hear. He was too busy trying to make sure he still had all his fingers and toes. Luke wrapped himself around Noah from behind, trapping Noah’s hands in his and rubbing them gently.
Noah was vaguely aware of Jack starting up the car and heading out for the main road, but he got distracted by Aaron throwing a blanket over him, looking him over. “You have to stay awake, buddy. Just for a little while longer, okay?”
Noah nodded, teeth chattering. He leaned back a little more into Luke’s warmth, feeling somewhat bad that he was probably getting Luke wet. And cold. And Noah was very sure that being cold sucked. Being tired too…
“Aren’t there any more blankets in here?” Luke’s voice was tight, like he was trying not to explode. “Anything? He’s freezing.”
Noah would have apologized for that, but Aaron was already talking, shaking his head. “We can’t put too much heat on him too quickly, Luke. Give his blood a chance to start pumping everywhere again.”
“But-” Luke apparently really wanted him to have another blanket.
Aaron cut him off with a look, somehow still managing to look reassuring. “We don’t want him going into shock. Just, um, hold him close to you. Body heat,” he advised, half sincere and half smirking.
Noah smiled then. “Like the sound of that.”
“I told you to shut up,” Luke still didn’t sound happy, though he did follow Aaron’s suggestion and pull Noah in even closer, his back firmly against Luke’s chest. Noah was wrapped up in arms and coats and blankets. It made his skin prickle all over, like sensation was trying to come back, which was beyond irritating and a little painful. Part of him didn’t care, he was so unbelievably tired…
“Hey, ease up a little. It’s not his fault he thought he was a super hero,” Aaron must have noticed Noah’s eyes sliding shut. He nudged Noah’s leg, keeping him awake.
“Did it look cool?” Noah managed to get out. “Like in the movies?”
Aaron grinned, but Noah felt Luke tense up and grip his hands tighter. “What the hell is wrong with you two?”
Noah struggled to turn his head to see Luke, therefore missing Aaron rolling his eyes. “Luke? You okay?”
Luke’s glare was so intense, Noah was surprised it didn’t light him on fire (which, admittedly, would’ve felt good right about now). “Am I okay? I wasn’t the one who went and dove into freezing water! On purpose! What were you thinking?”
“Wasn’t?” Noah guessed, trying to figure out what was going on.
“Damn right you weren’t thinking!” Uh-oh. Luke had started using the Lucinda Walsh Lecture Tone. If only Noah knew what he’d done wrong, he’d totally apologize. “You could have killed yourself, Noah!”
“Not on purpose,” Noah pointed out. He thought it was a valid argument.
Luke didn’t. “Damn it, Noah. You just… just jumped in. Without thinking! Aaron’s right- you’re not a super hero. You’re not even a lifeguard, Noah. You can’t just-”
“Yes I am,” Noah murmured from somewhere deep in his throat. It was starting to ache. He coughed a little, then regretted it when Luke’s face darkened even more.
“Yes you are what? A super hero?” Luke’s reply was sharp, almost biting. It felt just like all the pins and needles that were currently stabbing at his skin.
Noah shook his head. “A lifeguard. Certified when I was sixteen.” Luke’s glare only got worse. “’S true, Luke. I have a card-” he started coughing again.
Luke frowned at Aaron, who was trying not to laugh, and then frowned back down at Noah. “You’re making jokes? How is this funny to you?”
That wasn’t meant to be a joke, but Noah was starting to realize that maybe Luke wasn’t in a good mood. “But-”
“Do I look like I’m laughing, Noah?” Luke snapped, voice getting louder. Which was weird, because his arms were still gentle and warm around Noah, one hand rubbing into his chest tenderly.
It was that touch that made Noah want to nestle in even more, close his eyes, and maybe-
“Hey.” Aaron smacked his leg again. “Stay awake, Noah. We’re almost there.”
“M’kay,” he answered. Talking was getting a little bit more difficult. He turned his head up to Luke again, seeing that the glare was still there. “Luke? Are you-”
“Don’t talk to me right now,” he interrupted, short. “You should conserve your strength.”
“Luke,” Aaron sounded exasperated. “Chill out, he’s just-”
“We’re here,” Jack called out. Noah focused on the window long enough to see the hospital through the glass. “How’re you doing, Noah?”
“Fine,” he said automatically. He wasn’t so out of it that he didn’t hear Luke scoff at his answer.
Aaron helped pull him out of the car, keeping a hand on his arm until Noah got himself steadily on his feet. A second later Luke was next to him, wrapping the blanket around his shoulders and an arm around his waist. The three of them walked as one unit into the Emergency Room. Noah thought it would’ve looked like soldiers walking in formation, if it wasn’t for the fact that his feet couldn’t really keep up, shuffling between Luke’s and Aaron’s.
“Hey!” a voice called from the next to the check-in desk. Meg was there, handing some forms over to an on-duty nurse. She waved them over.
“How’s Ethan?” Luke asked her the moment they got close enough. They came to a stop next to the desk, and Noah was grateful for it. Walking? Not as much fun as it used to be. Or as easy. He found himself leaning a little more into Luke, and without even thinking Luke adjusted his grip to accommodate it.
Meg smiled at them. “He’s going to be fine. Your mom and dad are with him now, they’re going to keep him overnight just to be safe. He may come out of this with only a bad cold, possibly slight pneumonia. Very treatable. He’s really lucky,” she turned to smile at Noah. “Speaking of which, how’s the big hero doing?”
“’M fine,” he said again. Only he probably wasn’t. Because just as he said it, the tenuous hold he’d had on his strength disappeared completely. His knees buckled under him, and he just barely heard someone (someones? Was there an echo or more than one person?) call out his name before the fog in his brain took over.
It took him a lot longer to open his eyes than he thought it would. Because when he finally dragged those eyelids open, he was no longer in the Emergency Room. Instead, he was lying in a bed in another part of the hospital, buried deep under several heavy blankets. They were warm and soft and felt like a full-body hug.
Speaking of which… Someone was gripping his hand tightly, almost possessively. There was really only one person in the world who would do that. Noah turned his head with an expectant, and somewhat sheepish, smile. Which turned into a puzzled grin when he realized Luke was sitting next to him, holding his hand, leaning his head down onto his crossed arms on the bed. Fast asleep.
“Hey, Noah.” Noah turned back to face the foot of his bed, and there was Holden smiling down at him. Aaron was standing just behind him, leaning back against the door.
“Hi,” Noah answered, because it was the polite thing to do. But really, the one word scratched at the inside of his throat, reverberating through his head. He tried to hide the wince, tried to stop himself from coughing the word back out again.
Holden kept smiling, moving to take the seat on the other side of Noah, across from Luke. Aaron grinned as he opened the door. “I’ll let everyone know he’s awake.” He waved just before slipping out. “Glad you’re okay, man!”
Noah attempted to wave back, but with one hand stuck under blankets and the other stuck with Luke, it wasn’t possible. He turned back to Holden. “What time is it?”
“A little after eight,” the man answered, getting comfortable in the chair. “You’ve been out for a few hours.”
Noah felt himself blush, idly reveling in the heat it brought to his face. “I fainted in the ER, didn’t I?”
Holden laughed softly. “Just a little bit. Luckily Aaron and your other half over there were able to keep you from knocking that hard head of yours on the floor.”
Noah looked back over at his ‘other half,’ watching him sleep for a moment. “Yeah, I guess I’m pretty lucky.”
“Noah,” Holden called his attention back over to him. “We’re all pretty lucky that you were there and did what you did.” He regarded him seriously, making sure Noah was listening. “Thank you.”
Oh, he was definitely still red-faced. “Ethan’s okay?”
Holden nodded, smiling again. “He’s just fine. Already charming the socks off his nurses, and somehow managing to get candy from his grandmothers.” He chuckled quietly. “And he’s been asking for you and Luke, wants to know where you are.”
Noah couldn’t help but smile- Ethan asked about him- even as he once again looked over at Luke. “Luke was really mad at me,” he found himself saying.
“I’m not surprised about that,” Holden responded, laughing again.
Noah couldn’t hide his confusion. “I am. I don’t get it, I was just trying to help Ethan, I wasn’t trying to make Luke-”
Holden cut him off with a hand on his shoulder. “Luke was just upset, Noah. It must have been really scary seeing Ethan go into the water, and then you right after him.”
Noah’s eyes widened in realization. “Oh. Yeah.”
“Yeah,” Holden echoed with a smile. “He was worried, and helpless to do anything, and that caused him to get a little angry. Probably more at God and circumstances in general than actually mad at you.” He squeezed Noah’s shoulder, speaking softer. “He doesn’t want to lose you.”
Noah found himself gripping Luke’s hand tighter, reassuring himself or Luke or both. “He won’t.”
“I don’t doubt that,” that big I’ve-seen-the-world-and-know-what-I’m-talking-about Snyder grin was in full force. “We don’t want to lose you either, kid, got it?”
Noah nodded, wide eyed. “Yes, sir.”
Holden gave a little nod in return, standing up and heading to the door. “Try to get some more sleep, okay? You’re probably going to be feeling pretty crappy for a day or two.”
“Yes sir,” he said again, settling himself down a little more comfortably in the bed, maybe inching his way a little bit closer to Luke. “Want this day to be over.”
He hadn’t meant for Holden to hear him, but apparently he did. Holden chuckled deeply. “You and me both, kid. It’s not fun when you almost lose two members of the family in one day.”
He left before Noah could react to that, probably on purpose. Noah stared at the door for a few minutes before sinking back into his blanket cocoon. Luke was still holding his hand.
************
He’s pretty sure he’s blushing again, as he writes down
9. Family
He smiles over that word, loving the way it looks on paper. Well. He has to make the list an even ten, doesn’t he? The OCD nerd in him can’t let it be otherwise. But then, just as he writes the number down, a hand reaches into his line of vision and grabs the notepad.
“What’s this?” Luke grins, waving the papers around.
“Hey!” Noah tries to get it back, but Luke dances out of reach. Knowing it’s useless, and also knowing that the blush is probably permanently painted on his face now, he slumps back down on the couch, staring at his shoes.
Luke is doing a little victory dance at having successfully entered the apartment and snuck up on his boyfriend without getting caught, and so it takes him a few seconds to really read what’s on the paper. A list of… what, exactly? Another glance at Noah tells him it’s probably important, whatever it is. “What, is this a 10 Things I Love About You list?” he grins again. “What was number ten going to be?”
Noah doesn’t answer, still not looking up at him. His face is flushed a pretty deep red.
Luke softens, realizing how embarrassed he is. “It is, isn’t it?” he asks quietly, coming closer. Noah bites his lip, giving the tiniest of nods, fidgeting with the pen still in his hand. Luke smiles, picking up both the hand and the pen, directing Noah to fill in the last number on the list.
10. Love
He takes the notepad and pen and sets them on the coffee table, turning back to his boyfriend. Crawling onto the couch, he straddles Noah’s lap, arms going gentle around his neck. “That’s a pretty nice list,” he comments, ducking his head to catch Noah’s eyes.
“Yeah,” Noah watches him uncertainly.
“Lots of memories,” he continues. “Six years worth, huh?” At Noah’s nod, he smiles wider. “Lots of stuff we’ve shared together.” He scratches his fingers lightly against the nape of Noah’s neck, one of his favorite ways to get Noah to relax. (One of his favorite. The other favorite ways? Hopefully there’ll be time for that soon.)
Noah nods again, worrying his lower lip between his teeth. “Luke…” he stops, swallows hard, gathers his courage again. “Have I… have I given anything back to you like what you’ve given me?”
Luke’s heart thumps so loudly in his chest he’s surprised Noah can’t hear it. Sometimes he has to think that Noah isn’t actually Colonel Mayer’s son, and instead has truly been born out of those old movies he loved so much. Because really, who says stuff like that and sincerely means it? He leans in and kisses Noah on the nose. “Absolutely.”
“You sure?” Noah squints at him, even as his own hands come to rest on Luke’s lower back, holding him close. “You, what you’ve done for me…” he shakes his head. “I just can’t see how I could come anywhere close to that. I- I owe you everything, Luke.”
Luke kisses him again. “Do you really think I don’t get back everything on that list from you?” He keeps the smile on his face, encouraging. “Babe, I love you, but you’re a dumbass if you don’t know you’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”
Noah rolls his eyes, an involuntarily reaction to being called a dumbass (which Luke has done more than once). “It’s just… if I didn’t have you, I’d never have any of these things. But you would. I want to be able to give you something no one else can.”
It’s Luke’s turn to roll his eyes. “You do. And I’m not just talking about the blow jobs.” Before Noah can completely give in to frustration, as he often does when Luke’s teasing goes too far, Luke barrels on. “Yeah, I have a family that loves me and supports me and all that. But see, they have to. You don’t.”
“Yes I do!” Noah turns insistent, shocked.
“No,” Luke smiles gently. “You don’t. You don’t have to. You choose to. And that means so much more than anything genetic.”
Noah’s face is apologetic, embarrassed. “I just want to make sure, that we’re, you know, partners and everything.”
“We are partners and everything,” Luke assures, settling down a little more comfortably on Noah’s lap. He ducks his head again, this time to kiss the underside of Noah’s chin, lips scraping wonderfully against stubble. “What brought this on?”
Noah hums a little as Luke continues to explore his neck. “Faith and Anthony broke up.”
“Really?” Luke lets out a satisfied chuckle. “Good. That guy was a selfish, pompous, assy, asinine prick who-”
“Assy asinine?” Noah’s body vibrates against Luke’s with his laugh. “Wow, Snyder, hit him where it hurts. With alliteration.”
“Shut up,” Luke doesn’t wait for Noah to follow his orders, going in for another kiss anyway. “And how does Faith finally getting rid of that jerk cause you to have this existential freakout?”
Noah shrugs, already starting to feel stupid about everything. “I don’t know, I was trying to make her feel better. Said a relationship was about a balance, giving and receiving and…” he trails off. “And I think it sounded way less cheesy when I said it to her.”
He laughs. He and Noah have been together for nearly six years, and while these moments of self-doubt still show up sometimes, luckily they are appearing less and less. And Luke loves being all affirming and smart. “Do you love me, Noah?”
Noah’s eyes go wide, flabbergasted. “More than anything!”
“Then there you go- you give me the greatest thing ever in the history of, like, all things given.” This time Noah leans forward to kiss him, and Luke is relieved to see happiness, maybe even confidence (dare he dream?), back in his face. “See? Anything you say I give you, I can say ‘same here’ right back.”
Those bright blue eyes roll dramatically. “Wow, you really like being clever, don’t you?” The smile on his face softens the teasing.
Luke nods decisively. “I really really do.” He reaches his hands out to grip the back of the couch, effectively trapping Noah. Then he pushes forward, kissing him more deeply this time, parting his lips easily. Noah offers no resistance, his hands sliding just a little bit lower down Luke’s back, fingers flexing and grazing their way under Luke’s shirt.
Luke smiles into the kiss, pulling back just enough to catch his breath before diving back in, cutting a trail of kisses along Noah’s jaw. And then, as one of his hands sneaks down to his own back pocket, he presses his lips to Noah’s ear. “Marry me,” he whispers into it.
Noah freezes against him. Luke moves his head back around to face him, meeting Noah’s shocked gaze head on. “Luke-”
Luke doesn’t let go, doesn’t move, and doesn’t let Noah move either. “Marry me,” he says again, louder and firmer.
Noah lets all the air out of his lungs in one short exhale, looking almost confused. “Is this just because I had a freakout? You don’t-”
Luke frees his hand from his pocket, pressing something into Noah’s. He watches, smile starting to form, as Noah looks down at his hand and the ring in it. He waits as Noah stares at it for what feels like hours. And hours. And then a few hours more. Then finally, just as Luke is about to start a freakout of his own… Noah smiles.
Luke echoes it with one of his own. “Marry me, or no more sex ever again.”
Noah laughs even as his eyes go suspiciously bright. “Such a romantic.”
“Hey, not all of us can make writing a list such a grand gesture, I had to try something else. Besides-” and this time Noah interrupts him with a kiss, so demanding and fierce and so loving that Luke could definitely make his own list just about that. It takes him a minute to get his bearings back, and then both of his hands go into Noah’s hair, tracing the slight curls with his fingertips. “You haven’t answered me yet,” he reminds.
And then Noah gets that smartass smirk on his face. (Not many people can pull off being a smartass and a dumbass at the same time, Luke notes, but Noah’s pretty damn good at it.) “Technically, you didn’t ask me anything,” Noah points out. “You ordered me, and I’m not sure that’s really the-”
Luke tugs on his hair, just enough to shut him up, then soothes it away with a kiss to his forehead. “Noah Oliver Mayer. Love of my life. Most beautiful, wonderful person I’ve ever met. Will you m-”
“Yes.” It feels like Noah’s arms are twenty feet long, wrapping around him a million times. “Yes. I’d do it right now if I could. Yes.” He’s never seen Noah’s face glow like this before.
“Good,” Luke suddenly has to choke out his words, his chest tight in the best way possible. This is it, this is for real. This is what he’s been obsessing about for the past three weeks since he went into that jeweler’s shop. He picks up the ring and starts to slide it onto Noah’s finger.
“Wait!” Noah puts his free hand on top of Luke’s. He looks up, eyes wide. “Not yet, not just me. You need a ring too, I need to get you-”
Luke has to shut him up again, squeezing his fingers as he kisses him, slowly and sweetly, until their lips are swollen and taste of each other. “It’s okay,” he murmurs with his lips still touching Noah’s. He reaches into his back pocket again and shows Noah a second ring. “Since we’re, you know, partners and everything, I figured it was only fair that we both get to wear jewelry.”
Noah shakes his head, rubbing his nose against Luke’s. “I love you,” he speaks in an exhale, as though he just can’t stop the words from escaping him.
Luke grins. “You better. You’re going to be my husband soon.”
It’s like saying a magic password. The way Noah’s eyes light up at the word is enough to make Luke weak in the knees and pretty much everywhere else too. He pulls Luke impossibly closer, the fingers of his free hand splayed wide against Luke’s back. “Say that again,” he almost-demands, voice cracking a little.
Luke smiles so big his cheeks ache, not sure whether he should push forward into Noah’s chest or back into Noah’s hand. “You’re going to be my husband,” he says a little breathlessly.
While Noah’s breath hitches at that, Luke takes the opportunity to slide the ring onto his finger, steadying Noah’s trembling hands so he can do the same with Luke’s ring. Noah looks down at the matching silver, clinks them together, then back up at Luke. “Say it again,” he whispers, small smile on his face.
“You’re going to be my husband,” Luke confirms it. “We’re going to get married.” Quieter, more serious, “We’re going to have our own family.” Then he reaches up and thumbs away the moisture under Noah’s eyes, and says the thing that means everything else he wants to say. Even as he does, Noah smiles and says it with him.
They say it a thousand different times, in a thousand different ways. “I love you.”
THE END!