Deep Thoughts

[yammerer_willow]

"Yeah" I said not really caring at this moment. I mean I did care, but I just didn't want to care. I didn't want to feel this way anymore, to feel the guilt and the pain, but I knew that because of who I am I would always feel the guilt and pain. I slowly walked out of the room wondering if I was doing the wrong thing, but I wasn't going to

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[championbrooder]

I just sat there after Willow left, thinking about what happened. Maybe I reacted wrong. It was selfish, self serving, and not fair to Willow. Lilah is a human, no matter how much I disliked her. Willow chose to kill her, no matter how much I want to sugarcoat it and act like she should just get over it

[yammerer_willow]

I didn't turn around, I didn't want him to see the tears.

It was dark out, but there were still people out, holding hands and kissing as they walked. They were all so innocent, or seemed as such, I felt out of place now. "I'm so lost Angel" I whisper as I turn to look at him.

"I don't feel like me anymore. I miss me the chipper happy me, the one who used to love to research, I am not that anymore." I said "I don't know how to control the magicks in me anymore...I know I can't get rid of them, but I can't control them." I look away once more then whisper "I am scared."

[championbrooder]

I walked over to the bench and sat down next to her. "You just need time, Willow. You need to deal with it, which is what you've started doing. You may not be chipper and wanting to do research right now, but that will come back, in time."

I took her hand in mind, enjoying the warmth of her fingers against mine. "And I'll be here, and so will everyone else at the hotel, to help you out. You're not alone in this. And, well, I don't know much about magic, but we can find someone to help you out with it."

I paused once again. I looked into her eyes, those beautiful green eyes, and I said, "I just want you to know that I will do everything in my power to help you out. Whatever you need, I will find it. Whatever needs to be done, I will personally make sure it's done. We're in this together, and we'll get you through this together. Okay?"

[yammerer_willow]

Always the one to save the day. "Angel, this isn't something you can do for me." I whispered as I leaned against him. "But you can be there for me while I deal with it...that will help." To feel his arms around me made things a bit easier, but not as much as I wanted.

"And as much as I hate it...I may have to ask...ask Giles for help." I didn't want to, I wanted to find help away from those who rejected me, but I was worried that they were the only option.

[yammerer_willow]

I didn't realize it, but I had fallen asleep in his arms. His kiss and the fact that he insisted on carrying me I guess my body decided I needed the rest. When I finally woke up Angel was laying me in bed and slowly undressing me.

I wonder at first what he is doing, did he expect me to make love to him now? If I know Angel no he didn't. Instead he was taking care of me, making sure I was comfortable.

I didn't say anything at first, didn't want to be a bother, but when I realized I was naked and he was puting something on me I reached up and took his hand. "Angel.." I whispered. "I love you."

[championbrooder]

I stared into Willow's eyes, a bit shocked but pleased at what she just said to me. She loves me.

"I love you too. More than anything in this world...well, except Connor." I smiled at her. "I can continue putting this on you, if you like."

Then I realized how dirty that sounded, so I quickly tried to recover. "Or you can put it on yourself, I swear there was no bad intentions in that statement."

[yammerer_willow]

I actually smiled when he stumbled over his words. "Or you could just lay down with me." I whispered as I pulled the shirt out of his grasp.

I looked up at him my eyes wide and full of need. "Help me feel again?" I asked knowing this wasn't the best way to deal, but I wanted to feel something good again, and who better to show me.

[championbrooder]

It's not that often that I have a naked woman on my bed asking me for sex. The man in me jumped at the chance to help her feel again.

But the thought of Angelus coming out stopped me in my tracks. "Willow...oh Willow...that spell, is it still working?"

I hated to ask that and ruin the mood, but I didn't want to risk Willow or Connor getting hurt just so I could happy with Willow. I just hoped her answer to my question was yes or I'd be in a cold shower visiting with my hand soon.