It feels strange, I've had no strong desire to write for this long, but something inspired me to do so today. Today's a good day. To most, including myself a few months ago, this is a very general statement; good day, bad day. For me today, it makes all the difference in the world. When I got sick- what I'll call it, having a bad day meant waking ( Read more... )

Words. Words to describe how I feel. Where I live. It's been since November, since the near-death experience before burning holes into my eyes and bronchitis and shitting out blood and coughing up blood. Lots and lots of blood bleeding from irregular orifeces I haven't seen a doctor about. Since I stopped having sex, and then I stopped having ( Read more... )

I don't believe in fate. I don't believe in destiny, luck being more than just coincidence. Everything happens because of everything that happened before that. There's no reason beyond cause and effect, action and consequence, question and answer.

I don't believe in the 'one' or 'meant to be'. If you share similar interests, goals, whatever's ( Read more... )

Internally, things have only been getting better. I'm one to try almost anything, at least once. Being the example of poor decisions and socially-frowned upon actions has only continued to open my mind. I can't say I regret anything of the past anymore, regardless of the grief I've endured, it's all contributed to my new favorite person. I am the ( Read more... )

I've been going to work and catching rides to school. I've been sleeping in and spending all my money on drugs and losing sleep. I've been awake for twenty-four hours grinding my teeth, and biting my tongue, and chewing out the inside of my mouth. I saw the sunset, the trees turned into monsters and the grass grew over the street, and I watched ( Read more... )

Nobody ever really knows where I've been when we meet again in months, whole seasons. I couldn't tell you, the places don't have names. Some of them I made up, and there's a few that 'never happened', and there's just a lot I don't remember. But I've seen more old faces in one week than I have in the past year. I wonder where they've been, but I ( Read more... )

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I have the hardest time trusting people. I stopped letting people in. I have good reasons. I have lacking self-worth. Which looks sad to everyone else who doesn't realize reality can only get worse, if you're comparing it to where you were when you started. I know just how smart and attractive I am based on a majority's opinion. I just don't ( Read more... )

Another summer has come to it's hesitant or abiding end. I thought I'd make up for my disappeared work with all the warm weather's remnants. Losing the long days, I know, isn't just disheartening for me. So much freedom whether you're still working and going to school or not. Sitting on the bed by the window, I don't care to decorate the room, I ( Read more... )

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