Well, it has been a long time since I have written in this journal. Not much has changed, on the whole wanting to die thing. I am still very depressed. Also, it worse than usual because it is summer. Usually, I am so busy during the school year, I don't even think about my feelings. I can get by and get up and go to work each day. This past year in ( Read more... )

I am very sad. My friend and I got into a fight. He thinks I make people feel like shit after I buy them things. I don't think this is true, but maybe he felt bad because he knew he was taking advantage of me. He said some mean things and told me that he doesn't love me and that never loved me and never will love me. Also, my other friend is ( Read more... )

My counselor says I give black men a bad name. She says she doesn't know anyone that acts the way the people I describe to her. She told me that not all black men act that way. I hope not. I have my share of some real losers. Some of them lie, steal, pressure you for sex, taking advantage of your kindness and money. I admit I partly to blame ( Read more... )

Nothing much happened this weekend. I saw Footloose. It was good, I really liked all the dancing. My friend came over today, we made out again. I always try not to make out with him, but it always seems to happen. I wonder if God thinks I am a terrible person because I make out with him. The pizza guy told me not to text him anymore because ( Read more... )

Happy Halloween! Life sucks! The pizza boy doesn't want to have anything to do with me. That is ok, he has a girlfriend anyway. He said his girlfriend found some of the notes that I sent him and she was really mad. I feel bad I caused any problems. I am just going to stay away from him. I hope I can give my best friend a great bachelorette ( Read more... )

My boundaries have been violated once again. The drug dealer texted me and asked to hang out. He wanted to fool around even though he has a girlfriend. He still wants her to be his girlfriend even though he can't see her or touch her and she doesn't have a job. I have my God damned Masters and it doesn't seem to matter. He treated me like I ( Read more... )

Now that I am 35, I suppose I could take an inventory of all the people I have dated, let's see: a whore, a child abuser, a thief, an illiterate person, and now a drug dealer. I suppose at the least the drug dealer is something new to add to the list. I haven't dated a drug dealer before. I swear to god I could write a novel about these guys. I ( Read more... )

My life sucks! I feel like my classroom is out of control. I have to get it back into control for this year. I get evaluated this year. What if I fail the teaching part of my job? I am really scared this year. This year is not a good year. Both my aides are very unhappy. I don't know what I am doing wrong. Maybe I am being too laid back. ( Read more... )

Why am I here? I have no idea. I wish God would come down and tell me. I feel like I am living a useless life and not living out anything for God. I usually sleep all weekend and try to do some work. I have a lot of things due for my autism class however I do not feel like doing any of it. However, I have to do it for the state. I am just so ( Read more... )

I can't do this anymore. He said he doesn't want to hang out with me on the weekends. He said that he is not interested in hanging out on the weekends. He also said he would rather date someone else than me. He makes me feel so bad. I will never be his first choice. I don't think I am even his second choice. He always makes me feel that I am ( Read more... )