Doubtful Heart
Title : Doubtful heart *sequel to What Love Is Or you can find the BETTER version here What Love Is - Re-written
Pairing : Peter Hyun / you, Peter / OC, mentioned Chance
Genre : Romance, Fluff, Angst, Humor *tiny bit, don’t expect too much*
Rating : PG
Summary: When someone you love the most doubt his decision, what will you do? *I always fail at summary*
“Did I make the correct decision?”
It was one fine Sunday afternoon, two weeks after we went to drink together. I was in the kitchen of my apartment, cooking for dinner when he barged in through the flipping kitchen door. He has the key to my apartment after all, me being the nice neighbor and all.
“Oh, hey! You’re here!” I exclaimed, glancing quickly at the intruder. “Give me a hand, will you?” Continued the chopping and mincing of mushrooms in front of me.
He took a seat at the stall in front of me, examining ingredients on the counter.
“What are you doing anyway?”
“Do you even have to ask?” I rolled my eyes.
“You’re making dinner.”
I gave him duh!-isn’t-it-obvious look.
“Minced mushrooms and… cucumbers?” Doubt drippings from his words as he held a cucumber in right hand and mushroom in the other; eyebrows raised. “Seriously.”
“And now you’re doubting my cooking skill.”
He snorted, “as if you have cooking skill…”
“Look,” I paused from obediently mincing my precious mushrooms and glared, holding the knife dangerously close to his nose, “I’m trying to cook okay. It’s the only thing I could find in the fridge! Now, make yourself a useful oppa and help me or just zip.” I made a zip gesture above my lips, emphasizing the point.
“Woah!!” He giggled, playfully waving hands in the air, “be careful with that! Jeez! Are you PMS-ing or something?”
I shot him another deadly glare.
“Okay, okay! I get it. I zip.”
“Good.”
“Meanie.”
“I am.” I nodded and grinned widely.
He stared at me for a second as I burst in laughter, and followed suit. We laughed for a good minute until I stopped and sighed.
“So?” I started.
“So what?”
“So…” I rolled my eyes, again, “What’s with you and your sudden decision crisis?”
Silence.
I raised my eyebrows, waiting. Then I realized I did these eye-rolling and eyebrows-raising way too much, I was afraid I accidentally reconstructed my face. Frowned, I touched my face.
Anyway. Back to task at hand. Multitasking cooking and listening.
“Oh, well, about that. Can I ask you something?”
“Sure! Spill the beans.” I shrugged.
I took the cooking pan from the hook and signaled him to give me the spatula which sat next to his elbow. I put the frying pan on the stove, back facing him.
“Do you think I’ve made the right decision?” He asked me carefully while handing me the spatula.
“About?” I took it then poured the cooking oil and turned on the stove, setting it on small fire to preheat.
“You know. Me. Her. Get married.” He sighed.
Hearing that, my heart skipped a beat. It reminded me of my broken heart and unrequited love. I felt familiar sting in my eyes. Slowly, I palmed my left chest, slightly squeezed it somehow to lessen the pain.
‘Be still, my heart.’ I commanded it in silence.
“I’m afraid that I’ve made the wrong choice. I’m afraid that one day I will regret this. That she’s not the right one. That there’s someone I’ll find somewhere on the way and somehow I fall out of love for her. Or she does.
“What if we don’t get along with each other after we’re married? Worse, what if she regrets her decision? What if she disappointed with me?
“What if there’s someone who loves her more than I do? Or someone loves me more than she does?”
I closed my eyes, fighting the urge to let these tears to flow.
‘Help me, give me courage.’
I prayed silently to whomever up there. After a moment, I turned off the stove and faced him. He looked up at me with confused eyes.
“Listen.” I bend down, taking his hands in mine, which I later realized they were cold. I looked at him deep in the eye. “You’re the one who told me that she’s the first one to make you feel butterflies every time you see her. You felt weird, delicious feelings that got you addicted. And she made you spaced a lot I thought you’re possessed or something.”
We chuckled a bit at that.
“You’re the one who said that she took half your heart away with her that living without her would be unbearable. And that’s the first time I heard you talk about someone like that. You’ve fallen for her, Pete. Hard. I think that you’ll never fall out of it.”
“Wow. I never thought that I can be that cheesy!” He smiled.
“And! Before you asked furthermore, I can tell that she loves you in the same way also, if not more.”
“How can you tell?”
I shrugged. “I just could see it. It’s a girl thing, you know?” I grinned.
I lied. I knew it because she sees you in the way I do.
He was smiling wider. “You’re great, you know.”
“I know.”
“Why don’t you do the same? Settling down and get married.”
I shrugged and straightened my back, now his warmer hands holding mine. “Never in my life had I said that I don’t want to get married, or to be in a marriage or something like it. Maybe….. it had slipped my mouth, once or twice… or many times… Hmmm…Well, that’s not the point.
“The point is! Being married to someone is a nice thought. I mean the idea of being attached to someone for the rest of your life and settling down just like everyone else. Waking up and lying down with the same person each time, smelling the coffee being brewed every morning or lazying around on weekends.
“It feels… somehow domestic. It’s nice. Indeed. It’s just that. Somehow, marriage has never been my priority. Not yet. Not now.”
I lied the second time. It’s not the real reason. It’s only partially true. The main reason is you. It’s always you Peter.
“Like I’ve said before, your future husband will be very lucky to have you as his wife.”
I smiled although I felt another sting in my heart.
Then he lifted my hand and kissed them. “What am I going to be without you?”
“I don’t know…” I smirked. “Helpless?”
He laughed. “You’re right.” He let go of my hands which I slowly fisted to keep the memory and warmth burned forever.
“Now let’s go.”
“Where?” I frowned.
“Dinner. I think you’ll never get that done anytime soon.” He pointed at the ingredients and laughed. “I’ll treat you much better dinner than this.”
“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?!”
He just laughed, “I borrowed your bathroom, okay?” and walked without permission.
As he finally out of my sight, I felt my knees giving up. I slid down to the cold kitchen floor. The dam finally broke and I put both hands closing my mouth to muffle the sound. The pain was suffocating. I cried and sobbed and tears flowed harder, making my shirt and apron wet.
Then I felt someone crouched in front of me and a strong hand touched my right shoulder. He asked me, worried tone. “Hey. What’s wrong?”
I tilted my head up, eyes blurry with tears, but then I realized who was it.
“Chance.” I managed to say.
TBC
p.s : I swear when I wrote this, at first I didn’t intend to write this to be this….angsty. But then, something possessed me, and here it is. Khekhekhekhe..
p.p.s: cheesy title. I know. Can anyone suggest me another better title??
p.p.p.s: I’m sorry for the late sequel, if there’s anyone wait for it, or most definitely not. Anyway. I suggest you to read the first part first. What love is.
p.p.p.p.s: too many footnotes. Idek. So, please enjoy. And give comments since I’m a comment whore and don’t hate me. L