I watched the episodes much as you did (in a very short time) so I can't offer much help on the chronology.
This scene puts a lot of stress on atmosphere - I like the way you've made Kara an active participant in the scene even though she's asleep. What idea prompted the story?
Thanks for the feedback, and for reading. I don't think I had a specific idea or inspiration, I just wanted to try to write something, to see if I could. I'm not sure I will consider this a successful try, though, I didn't achieve quite what I wanted. I did have fun trying, though :). It's also fun to try writing in English.
I think in many ways fanfic is fun because it highlights some of the most essential parts of writing. Because it's not usually publication-focused, the emphasis is on the process (the fun of writing, and what the writer gets out of working on each draft, and talking to readers) rather than the finished product.
Also, if I hadn't seen your location on your profile, I wouldn't have guessed from the story that you weren't from an English-speaking country. There are places in the text (e.g. 'dizzy' from sleep, or some of the passages describing Lee's thoughts) where another round of revision on imagery and word choice would strengthen the writing - but this is is just a 'writing' revision not a 'writing in a foreign language' revision.
I agree, writing fanfiction is very much about the process, the joy of writing, as well as the interaction with other writers and readers of fanfiction, and about sharing visions and thoughts and exploring the fandom involved. So far it's been very rewarding to discover this whole world, and I'm suspecting that even if BSG is my first fandom it won't be my last. Not to mention I have a whole new vocabulary now, with words like squee, flail, shipping and the likes.
Thank you so much for the kind words about my English, it's the best compliment I could get! I'm sure there are a lot of things that could improve in my writing, and I suspect that would be the case if I wrote in Swedish as well. I must admit that I cheat a little, using a dictionary or thesaurus every now and then when a word eludes me (I visit Wictionary quite often these days). As I read a lot in English, I do have an extensive vocabulary, but it is primarily a passive vocabulary - I understand a word when I encounter it, but it's an entirely different thing to conjure
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Lovely first ficthrace_adamaOctober 30 2008, 22:04:23 UTC
I really enjoyed this fic and am off to read the next two parts. I, like the first reader to comment, would never have guessed English isn't your native language; very well done! I have studied Spanish and Latin over the years, but will never be fluent enough to write in either language, so I applaud you
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Re: Lovely first ficcattmOctober 31 2008, 22:59:35 UTC
Thank you so much for your feedback. It's so nice that you liked it.
I agree that Lee probably wouldn't have acted like this in canon.
I'd love some help with beta reading, I just have to write some more first :). There's a lot of other things going on in real life right now, so I'm not sure when I'll have the time (or inspiration) to write.
Wow! Thank you so much for this lovely feedback! I'm so glad that you liked my story. I'm especially happy that you think I managed to get Lee (at least somewhat) in character.
Alot of people try to cram too much in, make every fic a steamy sex scene Ahem... You might not like the following two parts as much as the first one... Part 2 and 3 were not planned from the start though, I wrote Nightmare as a short stand-alone to begin with, and then I decided to write the other parts just to see if I could write that kind of fic.
My one criticism here is that some of Lee's inner monolog is a bit over the top. Thanks for pointing this out, I'll keep it in mind from now on. Or try to at least. :)
Thirdly, you have a great understanding of the characters.*blushes* Thanks! I think this is one of the most difficult things about fanfiction, to stay in character. It's so easy to write a character as you want him/her to be, instead of as he or she is in the show. To some degree, everyone also interprets each character from their own experiences
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Ahem... You might not like the following two parts as much as the first one...
Ha! Actually, I have read both the second parts, and I think they make nice editions to this first one - a good progression. I will review those parts too, when I have time to do them justice (as you can see, I like to give a decent sized review!).
It's so easy to write a character as you want him/her to be, instead of as he or she is in the show. That is very true. Character distortion happens so often, it's real breath of fresh air to read a fic like yours that is much closer to the show.
You are really good at giving feedback Thankyou! I think one good deed deserves another. You put alot of time and effort into your writing, and we as readers get so much pleasure out of reading it! It's the least we can do to give you some decent comments!
I promise I'll review the second parts soon! Have you written any other fics? I'd love to read more!
Ha! Actually, I have read both the second parts, and I think they make nice editions to this first one I'm glad you didn't hate them. :)
It's the least we can do to give you some decent comments! It's very nice to recieve feedback, but as I'm lousy at giving it myself I don't expect anything. I really appreciate the time and effort you put into your comments. Thank you!
Have you written any other fics? I have written a short fic called Pear. It's also a Lee/Kara fic, set before the mini-series.
I remember reading this on A/S Fic, and it's better than I remember. You did a great job with Lee's romanticism, which is something I feel like I lose when I write from his pov. I get him too cranky and clinical. I can imagine him thinking this: "She still smiles weakly at him if he’s there, and he makes sure that he is if he just can arrange it (and lately he has been pushing things to arrange that), and every time he sees that smile, he gets more afraid." You expressed his awkwardly protective feelings for her very well!
Thank you so much! I'm so glad that you liked it, and even read it twice. I think that he does have a romantic streak, even if he is on the verge of being out of character in this fic.
Hey, it's like that other comment said, the show can't keep Lee in character either, so it's all okay. And I think your characterization of him is fine.
Comments 14
This scene puts a lot of stress on atmosphere - I like the way you've made Kara an active participant in the scene even though she's asleep. What idea prompted the story?
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Also, if I hadn't seen your location on your profile, I wouldn't have guessed from the story that you weren't from an English-speaking country. There are places in the text (e.g. 'dizzy' from sleep, or some of the passages describing Lee's thoughts) where another round of revision on imagery and word choice would strengthen the writing - but this is is just a 'writing' revision not a 'writing in a foreign language' revision.
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Thank you so much for the kind words about my English, it's the best compliment I could get! I'm sure there are a lot of things that could improve in my writing, and I suspect that would be the case if I wrote in Swedish as well. I must admit that I cheat a little, using a dictionary or thesaurus every now and then when a word eludes me (I visit Wictionary quite often these days). As I read a lot in English, I do have an extensive vocabulary, but it is primarily a passive vocabulary - I understand a word when I encounter it, but it's an entirely different thing to conjure ( ... )
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I agree that Lee probably wouldn't have acted like this in canon.
I'd love some help with beta reading, I just have to write some more first :). There's a lot of other things going on in real life right now, so I'm not sure when I'll have the time (or inspiration) to write.
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Alot of people try to cram too much in, make every fic a steamy sex scene
Ahem... You might not like the following two parts as much as the first one... Part 2 and 3 were not planned from the start though, I wrote Nightmare as a short stand-alone to begin with, and then I decided to write the other parts just to see if I could write that kind of fic.
My one criticism here is that some of Lee's inner monolog is a bit over the top.
Thanks for pointing this out, I'll keep it in mind from now on. Or try to at least. :)
Thirdly, you have a great understanding of the characters.*blushes* Thanks! I think this is one of the most difficult things about fanfiction, to stay in character. It's so easy to write a character as you want him/her to be, instead of as he or she is in the show. To some degree, everyone also interprets each character from their own experiences ( ... )
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Ha! Actually, I have read both the second parts, and I think they make nice editions to this first one - a good progression. I will review those parts too, when I have time to do them justice (as you can see, I like to give a decent sized review!).
It's so easy to write a character as you want him/her to be, instead of as he or she is in the show.
That is very true. Character distortion happens so often, it's real breath of fresh air to read a fic like yours that is much closer to the show.
You are really good at giving feedback
Thankyou! I think one good deed deserves another. You put alot of time and effort into your writing, and we as readers get so much pleasure out of reading it! It's the least we can do to give you some decent comments!
I promise I'll review the second parts soon! Have you written any other fics? I'd love to read more!
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I'm glad you didn't hate them. :)
It's the least we can do to give you some decent comments!
It's very nice to recieve feedback, but as I'm lousy at giving it myself I don't expect anything. I really appreciate the time and effort you put into your comments. Thank you!
Have you written any other fics?
I have written a short fic called Pear. It's also a Lee/Kara fic, set before the mini-series.
Once again, thanks for the feedback.
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I hope Lee will have a prominent role in the upcoming episodes, and that his character will be a bit more consistent.
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