Comments | ce_que_tu_veux: (без темы)

ce_que_tu_veux

(Untitled)

Oct 28, 2005 16:44

read it. please. I need criticism. butcher it. absolutely butcher it. i beg of you.

( college essay )

Comments 5

4thethrill October 28 2005, 23:53:36 UTC

I tried to write, but at first, words were like pastels trying to match a Van Gogh painting; nothing was powerful enough.

The word "match" is odd and clumpy. I suggest "emulate."

abby_tabby October 29 2005, 00:05:20 UTC

i would critic it but its pretty much one of the best papers i've ever read. so i cant.

la_cantante October 29 2005, 00:59:38 UTC

I agree with Abby. That was awesome Kaley, well written.

ce_que_tu_veux October 29 2005, 01:02:31 UTC

eh.. thanks.. i'm just scared because i thought my draft for english was really good and mr. costello totally raped it. and this is an essay going to Yale... so yeah.. i've read it so many times and fixed so many things that i can't even tell if its good or bad anymore.

but thanks for your compliments - they are always appreciated. :)

but so is criticism. ha.

orchestrate_ October 29 2005, 20:37:13 UTC

If Thoreau was a God - which I think is possible - then my Junior...

&

the beginning felt a little, i dont know..contrived maybe? like you were really pushing to get started into the essay. but towards the middle it really felt like you were just flowing. i dont really have any advice i guess, just feedback.

overall i loved it.