The Hierarchy of Requests

[celandine13]

This is something that's been stewing in me for a while, and I hope I can present it fairly

Comments

[st_rev]

Would link to this if it weren't locked.

[xuenay]

Same here.

[oscredwin]

Guess what? It's public now!

[xuenay]

Thanks for letting me know. Shared!

Alyssa Vance

[ext_2053008]

An excellent post.

One important addendum is that each level takes more effort per request than the level above it. Subtle social maneuvering is harder than a polite request, which is harder than a rude request, which is harder than just not asking at all.

I suspect, therefore, that optimal management strategy varies by team size. Small teams work best on Stage 4. Medium teams work best on Stage 3. Large teams under lots of stress and time pressure need Stage 2, which is why the army is so into yelling at people. If you're getting shot at, there's no time to maneuver soldiers into thinking that retreat to Position Foxtrot was their idea. They all need to move as fast as they can possibly run.

Re: Alyssa Vance

[celandine13]

YES. THAT.

[ext_2053195]

level 3

[ext_1465808]

I think stage 1 is often a delusion that one is in stage 4.

[sniffnoy]

Or just that one needs to be. (Or 3 or 4, really. But now I'm just repeating what was already in the original post.)

[laura_the]

Right. As a pregnant woman I started making assumptions that people would naturally try to help me out (carry my luggage up the stairs, slow down while speed walking etc.) When this turned out not to be true it often felt very aggravating on my end to frequently not only ask for help, but get into arguments over its necessity (yes, people can be real jerks). I have become in general solidly comfortable with stage 2 as needed, as the alternative of stage 1 is worse.

Stage 5

[ext_2058018]

Shows how important empathy is. I'd say a person who is so Stage 4 that they deem any asking vulgar are on Stage 5, which is less socially skilled than Stage 4.

Re: Stage 5

[gustavolacerda]

Stage 5 = blind privilege?

Re: Stage 5

[ext_2058018]

That's a good name for it.