I've had some bad times in my life... I've struggled to prevent things from repitition, and tried to develop myself so that I could move on when things happen. Now... I find no way of controling the life force around me. Everything I love... my grandfather, my job... the few friends I have... are slipping away. It's 5 am... I have been lying in bed ( Read more... )

I had to help my grandmother yesterday... decide how my grandfather is to spend the last bit of his life. I can't even talk about it... I have so much on my plate right now I don't know how I'm even doing it ( Read more... )

I got a phone call today... My grandfather is in the hospital... and it is not good. The doctors don't exactly know yet what is going on... they are going to do a preliminary surgery tomorrow morning to find out what is going on. His heart is failing, and the appointment he was supose to make 6 months ago... never got made. He wants to die, all ( Read more... )

This year gets more and more interesting as the days go by. So... I suported Adam for 8 months... I thought I could help him... he is the ONLY member of my family I like. (just wish he would get a friggin job and grow up)I claimed him on my taxes... according to the LAW, to claim head of household you have to meet certain obligations... the person ( Read more... )

Last night I had a rather interesting dream. One that I feel was personal, and cleansed my soul of things that I've been harboring as of late. One I confronted "Assclown" and his girlfriend... let her know that I had no idea of her, and informed them to get tested. What an evil little game :D. I also remember pulling her aside and talking with her ( Read more... )

hmmm... I've been in deep thought as of late. I feel myself closing into myself. The walls are securly placed... my emotions are in check... the need for solituded is overwhelmingly comfortable... and I have rearanged every room in my house. (Save the bedroom but I know how I'm going to do that and it is on the list for tomorrow) My coccoun is now ( Read more... )

So I've lived out one more year. Today I hit even new lows... So I am a pretty strong person, I can handle most blows life has to throw at me. Lately however the blows have been huge, and coming too frequently to keep up with ( Read more... )

I'm perfectly fine being alone on the holidays... but do I have to be reminded of how insignificant I am? Can't everyone just not RUB IT IN MY FACE that I have nobody??? I don't want to know that my family has again elected to not involve me with the gathering around the christmas tree... I'd rather not be reminded of how nobody feels that I'm the ( Read more... )

No one really sees me. To some, I'm a strong professional woman... capable of setting goals and achiving what most can't. I'm confidant, and independant. Hard working... loyal... good friend... shoulder to cry on. I'm the ear that will listen... I'm the one that has it all together and can provide answers to questions nobody else can answer.I'm a ( Read more... )

okay... so now I get what Rik was talking about when he said he was in so much pain (Life) that he was "Numb." I didn't understand I guess because I was happy at the time. I had my respondsiblities being met... the boyfriend (when we were together) and that for me was a very satisfying life. Now... after looseing everything I care about... my dog, ( Read more... )