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i look at pictures of James. i almost want t cry.its nothing like the person i wake up to..his hair was so long and this is by far the longest he has gone without facial hair. hes cute, he still has his sense of humor and quick wit, but he does look so so different, maybe even comical...but not like himself..
hes going well through chemo and it ( Read more... ) -
And the response is......
Well finally Carolyn, you released some of your spent up anger which was ( Read more... ) -
sometimes bits of songs strike a chord....er no pun intended..and puts thoughts to word
"Come on, come on, don't leave me like this ( Read more... ) -
"I miss him this much and he is coming back. What will I do if he doesn't?"
Today was a real hard day. I have been really calm through all these things happening one by one with James. half a tear when the Dr. said the news was really bad and the cancer had spread.. I did have a breakdown when I found out his mom is coming but that is more nerves than anything. So some background.. James and I have a very, um..well I can't ( Read more... ) -
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it's weird. For the first time since his diagnosis James isn't here. he and devin went to Ohio to go to the Football Hall of fame. they made the 9 hour trip just fine. But all day I have missed James and it occurred to me how hard it is for him to be gone. it's horrible and I know he is coming back. what will I do if he never does? I just don't ( Read more... ) -
Maybe I am ungrateful.
Everybody knows what to do. How I should run my life, how I should heal James, how I should solve all my problems. People who don't know me, don't know James or where we live. Don't fucking tell me your idea is a fucking good one if you have never been to CT, have met me twice and a bunch of other gripes. I am tired. All I want to do close up ( Read more... ) -
negative
so why am i so negative? so the research say the prognosis is grim but the pathologists kept changing the diagnosis. right wrong or indifferent it doesn't matter. I have to ease up on the thinking he is dying...while not at the same time... james and Devin are going to drive Cranston OH next weekend to see the football hall of fame. they need ( Read more... ) -
Life goes on
I get up in the morning and drink coffee, trip over the dogs.. I saw the boys go out the door to play in the snow with friends. Everything is so fricken Normal. James is grumpy and complaining about how the boys fight, or left their crap in the way. He watches TV. He goes to lay down. I work on Birthday gifts and the boys come home wanting to ( Read more... ) -
oops this was yesterday...
Merry Christmas. Its been a nice day. Ate breakfast at 2 on my good plates. Bacon and Eggs and toast..cocoa with whipped cream and good stuff. Some arguing with Devin but not terrible terrible. Lost some time..can't recall what we did.. strange.. But anyway watched a marathon of Rules of Engagement (found it on Netflix and we havent seen the ( Read more... )
