so when do i get to wake up? call it inverse realities, but i guess i'll wake up when i die.  merrily, merrily, merrily . . . scarily.

i keep trying to come up with something to post, but when i get here my mind shuts down, i feel stoned, and i feel like nothing is worth saying.  i feel like the only thing i can really write is the novel, on the ( Read more... )

maybe you go to grad school.
maybe you go to japan and get yourself heartbroken.
maybe you come back so emotionally fucked up you fail your last class.
maybe you drop out to write a novel.
maybe this is crazy; maybe this is brilliant.
maybe you spend the rest of your life telling people about how you almost had a master's degree, but you had a ( Read more... )

goodbye, my almost lover ( Read more... )

 etiology

this person is (pick one):
1.  on a perilous journey from which we can learn much when he or she returns;
2.  possessed by (pick one):
     a)  the gods,
     b)  god (that is, a prophet),
     c)  some bad spirits, demons, or devils,
     d)  the devil;
3.  a witch;
4.  bewitched (variant of 2);
5.  bad, and must be isolated and punished;
6.  ill, ( Read more... )

i'm going to structure my thoughts here with lines from songs on the U2 album, among other references.  not unlike the structure of A2A (the novel-in-progress).

SO . . . is it getting better
or do you feel the same?
will it make it easier on you now
you got someone to blame?

not really.  according to albert einstein, the definition of insanity is doing ( Read more... )

someone has recently lined me up for questioning, because, like lj, i haven't kept up.  i have debated for months how to reconstruct on here the who what where when why, and every time i write it off as a lost cause instead of writing it.  but, said person emailed me, and working partly off a guilty conscience, i wrote on first impulse and emailed ( Read more... )

( Read more... )

let me preface this by saying i am a very hurt and angry person, when you peel away the layers:  the poetry, the depression, the neurotic and overly amorous tendencies.  people suck, and i can't reconcile why or how i love certain ones so much.  i am angry at the world in general, and i pretty much hate the human race in particular.  this is NOT ( Read more... )

i just gave the reading of my life.  i'm exhausted.  i mean hot and sweaty, even.  it was a performance.  *evidence of a smile detected*

i deleted my journal for 2 days, then undeleted it.  it felt too much like breaking up, and i can't take anymore of those scenarios.  i'm still trying to cope with some things that have been very upsetting to me, and i try not to talk about them, even in vague terms, but sometimes my journal is the only way of holding me steady.  i don't really ( Read more... )