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over-medicated
i fell asleep in half my clothes and makeup last night. i do this all the time, unfortunately. it's very poor hygiene to sleep in makeup. it gets in your eyes and stings (without, however, making me cry). i was lying in the dark with coldplay on the stereo, cataloging all my fears and anxieties and then ended up continuing this self-assessment ( Read more... ) -
black roses skipped doses and psychosis
thursday night, i had a total meltdown. it was like what happened earlier at work, but the full-length version. ten o'clock while i was cleaning my bathroom. scrubbing my toilet, actually. in the most humble of positions, i have completely gone to pieces.
i haven't cried that long and that intensely since last summer before i started taking ( Read more... ) -
you thought you might be a ghost . . .
. . . you didn't get to heaven but you made it close.
saturday morning i'm lying in bed watching the rain and drinking coffee. listening to the thunderstorm. reading a book i can't put down -- a drug addict's memoir. i'm living his darkly glamorous life vicariously. not that i don't have my own dark glamour. i just wish i had someone next to ( Read more... ) -
dialectic and bizarre
last friday i hid my co-worker's clothes. this dude leaves his pre-approved work appropriate clothes strewn about the storage room and wears street clothes to work, whereupon he changes into said dress-code specific attire. so friday night my devious accomplice and i threw his personal effects in a box marked COFFEE FILTERS, taped it up, and ( Read more... ) -
self-defenestration
it's that free-falling sensation ( Read more... ) -
quickie
a lot of the girls on my friends page have been taking the goddess quiz, "which goddess lurks in your soul?" i was about to find out, when something amusing happened. one of our regulars at the coffee shop told me the answer. he nicknamed me "caffeinia," goddess of caffeine. it was so cute and perfect for me, i no longer feel the need to post ( Read more... ) -
another wallflower
i got rejected! not the relationship kind, the rejection slip variety. so those poems i sent to literary journal crazyhorse back in august? i finally got a response, albeit negative, but positive in the sense that the editors did get around to reading my work and making a decision. i was starting to wonder . . . it's been almost 8 months. ( Read more... ) -
how to disappear completely
that there
that's not me
i'm not here
this isn't happening
in a little while, i'll be gone.
the moment's already passed, yeah it's gone.
and i'm not here.
this isn't happening.
i've had a lot of dreams about ghosts lately. ghosts are showing up everywhere. in my dreams i'm seeing a lot of dead people, some of whom are actual. i've had several ( Read more... ) -
nat-a-tatt-tatt
*deep breath*
i am trying to remain calm most of the time.
i feel either sad or nervous, or both sad and nervous, which puts me in a fitful state of affairs, but i can't say i've actually had an all-out panic attack since last summer.
i've done some good things for myself this month. things that help me love myself and remind me that i have a ( Read more... )
