I pointed my younger brother at this post. He said it made him feel angry and ashamed of being male for the second time in two days. Apparently the first time was when a male colleague of his made highly inappropriate remarks to a female colleague. My brother approached the woman and said "Look, I don't want to just get in his face because I don't want to act like you need a male protector--you can protect yourself--but I do want you to know that I think what he said is disgusting, and if you want to confront him about this, I'd be glad to back you up
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That's a great instruction for how to be a good ally. It's fine if it offends him on his own behalf, even if he's not a woman and he speaks up about it.
I pointed my younger brother at this post. He said it made him feel angry and ashamed of being male for the second time in two days.
That's perhaps not an uncommon reaction. It's mine, actually.
I'm still wording a response to the original post that attempts my own observation of the situation of male-on-female aggression, coupled with my own deploration of a privilege that I have as a male, despite my having grown up the shy quiet artist/musician who was heckled and occasionally thrashed for "being a sissy".
But overall yes, I loathe my own gender precisely for things enumerated in the followups. And I applaud cereta for posting and saying what needed - and needs - to be said.
Thank you for this comment, Rose. The "reluctance to stand up for another as it seems to demean them by taking away their ability to stand up for themselves" thing has been bothering me for years. I never thought to turn it around and stand up for how their behavior demeans me by association.
So now, I'm feeling a little bit stupid (for not realizing this earlier) and a whole lot reconciled (for understanding how to do what I've thought was right, but could not logically justify.)
You're welcome! It took me a long time to figure it out too, if that helps, and I have plenty of experience with "Your kink is okay but not in front of me please" that could have pretty easily led to "Your seemingly consensual but really offensive misogynistic conversation is okay but not in front of me please" had I just thought about it.
I do think it's frequently appropriate to ask people if they want someone to speak up on their behalf, or to back them up if they decide to speak, but it's definitely not the only way to approach things.
I have to tell some people that it's not that I'm being boring/suburban or whatever for not wanting to hear intimate details of their sexual activities, I jsut do not care to think of my friends/acquantances in such a manner. Or, as I once said to a gay friend of mine after he wouldn't take the hint, "I'm fully aware of [proclivity]. The only thing I'm shocked about is how unpleasantly coarse you're being".
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That's perhaps not an uncommon reaction. It's mine, actually.
I'm still wording a response to the original post that attempts my own observation of the situation of male-on-female aggression, coupled with my own deploration of a privilege that I have as a male, despite my having grown up the shy quiet artist/musician who was heckled and occasionally thrashed for "being a sissy".
But overall yes, I loathe my own gender precisely for things enumerated in the followups. And I applaud cereta for posting and saying what needed - and needs - to be said.
(Edited for paragraph fail.)
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So now, I'm feeling a little bit stupid (for not realizing this earlier) and a whole lot reconciled (for understanding how to do what I've thought was right, but could not logically justify.)
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I do think it's frequently appropriate to ask people if they want someone to speak up on their behalf, or to back them up if they decide to speak, but it's definitely not the only way to approach things.
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I have to tell some people that it's not that I'm being boring/suburban or whatever for not wanting to hear intimate details of their sexual activities, I jsut do not care to think of my friends/acquantances in such a manner. Or, as I once said to a gay friend of mine after he wouldn't take the hint, "I'm fully aware of [proclivity]. The only thing I'm shocked about is how unpleasantly coarse you're being".
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