do any of you even read this anymore? i miss you all. i haven't heard from most of you for a long, long time. what's up?

4 years. 4 very long years. it hasn't gotten better.

i haven't heard from so many of you in a long time. i was just wondering if you have passed on by or if you still listen to and think about chad. my life will never be happy again. chad made me happy. he made me smile...even if i was mad at him, he could make me smile. the crazy arm warmers. the lab coat. the eyeliner and fingernail polish. ( Read more... )

Today is Chad's birthday. He would be 22 years old now. I wonder what he would be doing, besides partying that is. I miss him so much!

three years ago today chad was still alive...probably working on a new song (he loved to stay up all night and work on his music).  i can't sleep, just keep thinking about three years ago.  i feel like there is a hole in my heart...like i'm the living dead.  three years.......three friggin' years....i miss him so very, very much. 

well kiddo, thursday is the anniversary of the murder.  wednesday will be three years since i last heard his voice...and it's randy's birthday -bittersweet huh?  i can't believe it's been three long years.  i can't believe i'm still standing.  i miss him so much.  it hurts so badly. 

Halloween + no Chad= sad Melanie

well today is my birthday....my 50th. i feel incredibly old...and sad. chad would be teasing me so much. i miss my skinny goth boy. so many people are being nice to me, but i so want to hear chad say Happy Birthday, you're old! then i could tell him he was funny looking. and we would have gone out for a drink...thaat would be so awesome-to go ( Read more... )

i went out to see chad this afternoon. when i got to his grave i noticed all sorts of things missing. his pinwheel is gone (thats how i pretend he talks to me). the gnomes are gone. sponge bob is gone. the wreath is gone. even the wooden xmas tree was taken. they took the black roses and mardi gras beads and threw them into the trash can, so ( Read more... )

hey, a friend just sent me this picture and i love it. it reminds me of chad's song "AK47". be a sport and tell me what you think!!!