I am emotionally raw. In steak terms, you could call me blue. I am dripping and red and likely to cause unhealthy increases to blood pressure and damage to arteries. Today is a day of insignificance. It's rare to find an opportunity to feel this small. All efforts and movements inconsequential. I want to fuck. But Chad will not touch me when I ( Read more... )

My parents are on the brink of selling the house I grew up in. A developer has a big interest in paving over my childhood memories. Concrete will inevitably encase my dead pet backyard graves. The time capsules I buried will be permanently entombed. The hearts with my initials and my crush boys' initials carved into the tops of my favourite ( Read more... )

I don't actually want to jump off my balcony, but I really want to know what it would feel like.
I'd like to see how close I could get without actually going over.
Like tipping a glass as far as you can without spilling a drop.

Blah Blah. Had to skip two really crucial summer concerts because of FUCKINFUCK way out of control ticket prices. I suppose I am old, and have been going to concerts for too many years, thus being around long enough to see unacceptable ticket price increases.

Leonard Cohen's new book of poetry is nice.

h1>LJ Interests meme results

1. breathing:
   Me and my alveoli are tight.
   Often awake in the night listening to myself do this.
2. colour:
   Rainbows were mine before the gay community claimed them.
3. education:
   I would like a Ph.D. The barriers to this are purely financial.
4. green:
   That's my last name. Don't wear it out.
   
5. laughing:
   I was doing a lot of this at ( Read more... )

Big ups to getting the day off work because of a head injury. Before 10 a.m. I managed to get hit in the head hard enough to form a post-easter egg right above my left eyebrow. It really hurt at first, but now I just have a boring thud above my eye. I'm hoping to develop a really nice rainbow bruise for the weekend so I can pin my bangs back and ( Read more... )

Rob died today. There was a message on my answering machine. I hurt more for Megan than I would have expected. There is some time and space between us, but such a history. I wish I could give her a hug. All I could do was talk to her. I hope something in our conversation offered a little bit of comfort.

I am aimless on my days off. I wish I could sleep in, eat, watch dumb movies and paint my toenails ( Read more... )

I do my work. I save my money. I buy something nice to wear. I drink until I'm drunk. I love too much. I neglect so much that is important. I try to read it all. I can't afford to see what I want. I miss my fingers on the keys. I'm going to the TSO for my birthday. I'm afraid I will cry. And that it will open up a dam that I will have to deal with ( Read more... )

Last night, watching a commercial for this or that charity for a fatal disease, the words 'natural selection' ran through my head. I realize this might make me some sort of horrible person -- thinking that the world could not possibly sustain itself with every birth amounting to a century of resource sucking. But this is not the point ( Read more... )