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Because I am hopping on a plane tomorrow afternoon to celebrate New Year's Eve in a far away communist land, I feel the need to throw together some sort of 2005 wrap up. Let's do list format because I'm ancy and excited and not likely to be able to concentrate for long ( Read more... )

I saw my first male stripper! And my first uncircumsized penis at the same time! Tracey's cousin called it a Snuffleupagus! I bought a vibrating cock ring! Who knew $14.95 could be such a good time! I can't believe how much artificial shit some people use to have sex! If you need 2 dildos, lube, a cock ring, anal beads and chocolate body paint ( Read more... )

I will fly on a plane and see the ocean for the first time in 28 days.
I don't want this much time to pass before seeing something this important again.

No matter how much you do or have lined up, there's always that feeling of what you're missing.
I am missing a lot.

Sorry about the sink salad Tara. I thought it was the funniest thing ever when I was doing it, but I'm an idiot who laughs too long at my own jokes. I owe you some lettuce and condiments. Too bad no one else remembers anything. I even made you toss the salad around a bit in your own sink. You told me you hated me as you tossed it up. But you don't ( Read more... )

Last weekend it was the old man that sat next to us in the mall food court. He was dressed smartly, alone, had the appearance of a toothless mouth and settled down next to us with his neatly arranged fast food tray. Always a coffee with the meal. Slow bites. Watery eyes. Wanting to be a part of the living world, but on his way out. Maybe he ( Read more... )

buy this car to drive to work.
drive to work to pay for this car.
bah-bah-bah-dah-dahh.

don't forget the balls.

It's a luxury to have so much time to spend thinking of ourselves.
What we want. Who we are. How we should part our hair.
Self-involvement is the pandemic.

I was looking for some sort of extraordinary human experience today ( Read more... )