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so buy a dress and wear it out tonight...oh bed of steel be my winding wheel...
Last night I drank a bottle of Charles Shaw Cabernet Sauvignon '08 that I had been saving for nearly an entire year. It has sat on the counter since I returned from Chicago last September, to be had with Shawn when the right evening...right moment presented itself. I have offered it up many times, just to be turned down because he's not in the ( Read more... ) -
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This journal is friend's only. Please message me if you wish to be added as a friend. -
if buddha could sit under a tree for 40 days...
Surprisingly, this day has been really good despite Shawn's attempts at turning it sour. He's aware, though, and that makes quite a difference. He knows when there's no need to fight and I can call him on it and he'll laugh...and then we'll move on. That's good.
The unemployment rate here in Peoria/East Peoria, Illinois is presently at 12.7%. I ( Read more... ) -
beauty is truth; truth is beauty- keats
I lost 12 pounds 6 days of only clear liquids. I feel pretty good. My insides don't make me feel like I'm imploding any longer...so, mission accomplished.
Shawn doesn't feel well today, though I imagine it is probably all in his head. I was rejected for privatized student loans last night and he spent about an hour trying to talk me into ( Read more... ) -
Only when the night is darkest can you see the stars -MLK Jr.
What is the significance of names? Uttering just one name can send you back in time, can send your delicate sensibilities into a high of such magnitude that you think you are losing your goddamned mind. Do you hear a name and wonder if there is someone else out there that can live up to that name you place to the face that's a 3rd degree burn on ( Read more... ) -
lit up like some paper doll
Shawn's mother died while he was in college. He packed up all of his things and called up his fraternity father to meet with him in the middle of the night in an empty parking lot. He nearly left school. Rob, his fraternity father, talked him out of leaving everything behind.
I once saw a picture of his mother. They look exactly like one another. ( Read more... ) -
I'm gonna break my rusty cage and run.
cigarette burns.
...........................
instead of imbibe:
sleep
read
farm
look up hairstyles
look up pictures of girls
watch netflix
drink water
write
walk
goal: 2 inches in 2 weeks.
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a year has passed and another life long gassed from water into rain into steam again
There's a beat within me now...growing each day. I can understand it. I wasn't able to when I was younger. I need my times alone. I need him to go sometimes, often when he's here I can't think. I can't breathe. Now that he's away, momentarily, the walls flex inward and outward just as my lungs do. Except tighter, more concentrated. After all, I don ( Read more... ) -
I danced myself right out the womb...
Missfall
Opiate river flows
mud-thick, amber love
Coffee, nicotine high
clouds begin to cry
and the sky
downcast grey and white
how these shadows fall
cross these barren walls
I won't sleep tonight
you're not at my side
no rest, no rest I
won't dare breathe goodbye...
cold wind opens doors
blood spills, they want more
roses paint my thighs
sick but never tired ( Read more... ) -
Pills don't fix anything.
I ran out of Melatonin. I ran out of Trytophan. I ran out of everything that puts me to sleep. I don't have any valerian root. I don't have anything to chew on, swallow, drink, or inject to make myself fall asleep. So insomnia is taking me over these days.
Each day has become somewhat of a haze between drugging myself to sleep to waking up to ( Read more... )