YUKIKAZE 5, PART 1 OF 2
All right. I wound up going so batshit over Operation 5 of Yukikaze that I have split this review entry into two parts. I had over 200 screencaps and even with fast Internet connections THAT IS RIDICULOUS. Typing this up in the aftermath of this OVA, I can tell you now that part one shall be "spoiler free" and part two shall be "OGOD SPOILERS FUUUCK." So if you want to watch Yukikaze and not have any surprises ruined, you can still get a taste of part five without accidently ruining something for yourself.
So let's pick up where the mindfuck left off.
Yukikaze has combat control over itself.
That's right. Yukikaze is about to shoot itself in the fucking face. THIS PLANE IS ABOUT TO COMMIT SUICIDE, FOLKS.
MIRROR-SHINE MISSILE
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF--
... OH.
WE'RE OKAY.
...
THAT'S BECAUSE THIS
IS YUKIKAZE. AND IN YUKIKAZE, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DIE, ONLY TO FOREVER WALLOW IN ANGST.
Or maybe they did die. Maybe they happily exploded together. Because suddenly.
I do believe we see Jack's apartment bathed in waning sunlight--
WHAT--
WHAT THE FUCK AM I WATCHING
IS THIS THE PORN PART
THIS MUST BE THE PORN PART (AGAIN)
Fukai sighs wistfully--
HOLY CRAP HE'S WATCHING JACK SANDPAPER A BOOMERANG.
LOOK AT HIM WATCHING SO FUCKING INTENTLY.
WHAT KIND OF STRAIGHT MEN SERIOUSLY DO THIS IN THEIR SPARE TIME?
"HEY WANNA CHILL IN MY APARTMENT AND WATCH ME SMOOTH MY WOODEN OBJECT?"
"SURE MAN, BUT ONLY IF I CAN LEAN OVER YOU AND WATCH EVERY FLICK OF YOUR WRIST WITH INTENSE INTEREST."
"LIKE I'D ALLOW IT ANY OTHER WAY, BRO."
COME ON.
If this is supposed to be a metaphor
I just fucking missed it.
LOOK AT THAT FACE. LOOK AT HIM SO CONFIDENTLY LOOK AT REI TO SHOW HIM HIS PRIDE AND--
...but Rei is not there.
H...
what.
W-WHAT. JUST.
This just went from enjoyably gay to "holy fuck I want to kill myself, love is dead" gay.
No seriously what the fuck, that was--
"Rei..."
BZZZZ
...
WHAT JUST--
Oh god. First Yukikaze kills itself and now this WHAT.
WHAT IS THIS LIQUID IN THE CORNER OF MY EYE (OH THAT'S JUST THE DRYNESS GETTING TO ME BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO WASTE A FUCKING SECOND WITH SOMETHING SO TRIVIAL AS BLINKING).
IT...
IS AS IF...
REI FUKAI NO LONGER EXISTS.
/GOES BATSHIT
YOU KNOW. I HAD TO PAUSE RIGHT HERE. I HAD TO. THIS IS TOO FUCKING AMAZING AND I KNOW I'M GOING TO WANT TO HANG MYSELF WHEN THIS IS OVER. Before watching this, I had this amazingly faggy thing to say about the entire series, and now it's like foreshadowing to the fucking doom I have sealed my fate with.
By the way.
The time into this video is 2:46.
2:46
Has time gone backwards?
Is this an alternate universe?
Is this a dream?
WAS EVERYTHING UP UNTIL THIS POINT A FANTASY WITHIN JACK'S HEAD ABOUT THAT CERTAIN FAIRY?
OH. MY. GOD. EXPLANATION PLEASE.
AND YUKIKAZE RESPONDS.
YES, LADY. YOU HAVE JUST WITNESSED A MAN AND A PLANE FALL IN LOVE.
NOTHING YOU WILL EVER SEE IN YOUR LIFE WILL BE AS GAY AS THIS.
JEALOUSY. IT BURNS.
Of course. I'm sure she has some delicious cake for you or something.
...
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF--
Suddenly, people exploding.
Fukai: That cake... it is a lie... :(
Generally I will sum this up as tea should always be served with explosions.
OR, FOR THOSE WHO PREFER IT CUT AND DRY:
YEAH THAT'S PRETTY MUCH IT.
Yes. Of course you did.
Suddenly, planes dying.
What the fuck. ;_;
TONIGHT
WE BRUNCH
IN HELL
FUCK YOU GUYS, LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO THE LAWN.
YEAH, SO?
I THINK IT ADDS A NICE TOUCH.
My mind is melting. IT MUST BE ALL THE FUCKING FIRE.
Okay this time you guys better not fucking make everything explode and catch fire, got it?
So they get to stomping in their Air Force One and magically escape BURNING ANTARCTICA.
A tank just rolled over a body.
AH, HUMANITY. ♥
This turns from a JUST AS PLANNED into a NOT AS PLANNED and by this point
I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S REAL ANYMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE FUCK I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH WAS REAL TO BEGIN WITH.
Okay I feel bad for this random lackey. Like, he got transferred to a fuckwin air carrier, only to have Jack show up and FIND HIM AGAIN. "OMG YOU FOLLOW EVERYTHING REI DOES OKAY, OKAY?LTHKQHLQHWG"
"YES SIR. CHRIST..."
*techno*
Okay. 16 minutes in and my mind is fuuuuuucked. And there's still like half an hour to go.
...
So I just got completely owned.
For those of you seriously interested in Yukikaze, and do not want to be spoiled, I suggest that at this point you stop reading this review-type entry. YES. A SPOILER WARNING. (THE *REAL* SPOILERS LIE IN PART TWO, HOWEVER. IF YOU WANNA BE DARING, IT'S OKAY. YOU CAN KEEP GOING WITH PART ONE AND BE FINE.)
So without further ado~
*SPOILERS BELOW*
Let me briefly touch on this one:
Totally gonna shoot himself, right? OF COURSE. SUICIDE'S THE ONLY WAY OUTTA THIS ONE.
BUT WAIT.
WHAT'S THIS?
THAT'S RIGHT, KIDS. FORGET ACROSS THE STREET. FORGET DOWN THE HIGHWAY.
JUST USE A FUCKING GUN AND OBLITERATE AAAAAAALL THE VEINS!
The ongoing speech here is rather ... well, I'll go and say it. Epic.
I could say he BECAME AN HERO what with only one man offering a salute, but.
Damn.
WORDS TO LIVE, NO, WORDS TO DIE BY.
"He's still... human."
*PWNT.*
We are currently just 18:30 in.
YEAH. I DO FEEL LIKE I'M BEING TROLLED WITH THIS EPISODE.
Ff.
ALL THIS MINDFUCK.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT THIS LACKS?
ANGST
AND GAY.
PRESENT AND ACCOUNTED FOR.
Jack looks longingly at Fukai.
Or, "Wanna go to my place?"
Suddenly it seems to switch to Fukai's unstable point of view, and Jack leaves (a bit angrily!) telling him not to worry about Yukikaze. (That damned whore of a plane!)
A quick exit! But accompanied by "We'll bring you both home safely."
THE DOOM. DO YOU SENSE IT?
Fukai. Please. As much as I am a /m/echasexual myself, if you must choose between Yukikaze and Jack, please, choose Jack, fucking hell I KNOW YOU WON'T BUT PLEASE, MAN. JAAAAAACK. ;_;
Suddenly, GENOCIDE! 8D
And the worst phone call Jack could ever receive in the world.
Here is where I draw the spoilers line. You may either continue on with Part two of this review thing, or stop here. I have included all the download links in both entries, so the choice is all up to you. :3
To download part five (HIGHLY RECOMMENDED): http://www.megaupload.com/?d=WQ8JKP1Q
The previous parts can be found here:
Part Four
Part Three
Part Two
Part One
So let's pick up where the mindfuck left off.
Yukikaze has combat control over itself.
That's right. Yukikaze is about to shoot itself in the fucking face. THIS PLANE IS ABOUT TO COMMIT SUICIDE, FOLKS.
MIRROR-SHINE MISSILE
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF--
... OH.
WE'RE OKAY.
...
THAT'S BECAUSE THIS
IS YUKIKAZE. AND IN YUKIKAZE, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DIE, ONLY TO FOREVER WALLOW IN ANGST.
Or maybe they did die. Maybe they happily exploded together. Because suddenly.
I do believe we see Jack's apartment bathed in waning sunlight--
WHAT--
WHAT THE FUCK AM I WATCHING
IS THIS THE PORN PART
THIS MUST BE THE PORN PART (AGAIN)
Fukai sighs wistfully--
HOLY CRAP HE'S WATCHING JACK SANDPAPER A BOOMERANG.
LOOK AT HIM WATCHING SO FUCKING INTENTLY.
WHAT KIND OF STRAIGHT MEN SERIOUSLY DO THIS IN THEIR SPARE TIME?
"HEY WANNA CHILL IN MY APARTMENT AND WATCH ME SMOOTH MY WOODEN OBJECT?"
"SURE MAN, BUT ONLY IF I CAN LEAN OVER YOU AND WATCH EVERY FLICK OF YOUR WRIST WITH INTENSE INTEREST."
"LIKE I'D ALLOW IT ANY OTHER WAY, BRO."
COME ON.
If this is supposed to be a metaphor
I just fucking missed it.
LOOK AT THAT FACE. LOOK AT HIM SO CONFIDENTLY LOOK AT REI TO SHOW HIM HIS PRIDE AND--
...but Rei is not there.
H...
what.
W-WHAT. JUST.
This just went from enjoyably gay to "holy fuck I want to kill myself, love is dead" gay.
No seriously what the fuck, that was--
"Rei..."
BZZZZ
...
WHAT JUST--
Oh god. First Yukikaze kills itself and now this WHAT.
WHAT IS THIS LIQUID IN THE CORNER OF MY EYE (OH THAT'S JUST THE DRYNESS GETTING TO ME BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO WASTE A FUCKING SECOND WITH SOMETHING SO TRIVIAL AS BLINKING).
IT...
IS AS IF...
REI FUKAI NO LONGER EXISTS.
/GOES BATSHIT
YOU KNOW. I HAD TO PAUSE RIGHT HERE. I HAD TO. THIS IS TOO FUCKING AMAZING AND I KNOW I'M GOING TO WANT TO HANG MYSELF WHEN THIS IS OVER. Before watching this, I had this amazingly faggy thing to say about the entire series, and now it's like foreshadowing to the fucking doom I have sealed my fate with.
By the way.
The time into this video is 2:46.
2:46
Has time gone backwards?
Is this an alternate universe?
Is this a dream?
WAS EVERYTHING UP UNTIL THIS POINT A FANTASY WITHIN JACK'S HEAD ABOUT THAT CERTAIN FAIRY?
OH. MY. GOD. EXPLANATION PLEASE.
AND YUKIKAZE RESPONDS.
YES, LADY. YOU HAVE JUST WITNESSED A MAN AND A PLANE FALL IN LOVE.
NOTHING YOU WILL EVER SEE IN YOUR LIFE WILL BE AS GAY AS THIS.
JEALOUSY. IT BURNS.
Of course. I'm sure she has some delicious cake for you or something.
...
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF--
Suddenly, people exploding.
Fukai: That cake... it is a lie... :(
Generally I will sum this up as tea should always be served with explosions.
OR, FOR THOSE WHO PREFER IT CUT AND DRY:
YEAH THAT'S PRETTY MUCH IT.
Yes. Of course you did.
Suddenly, planes dying.
What the fuck. ;_;
TONIGHT
WE BRUNCH
IN HELL
FUCK YOU GUYS, LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO THE LAWN.
YEAH, SO?
I THINK IT ADDS A NICE TOUCH.
My mind is melting. IT MUST BE ALL THE FUCKING FIRE.
Okay this time you guys better not fucking make everything explode and catch fire, got it?
So they get to stomping in their Air Force One and magically escape BURNING ANTARCTICA.
A tank just rolled over a body.
AH, HUMANITY. ♥
This turns from a JUST AS PLANNED into a NOT AS PLANNED and by this point
I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S REAL ANYMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE FUCK I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH WAS REAL TO BEGIN WITH.
Okay I feel bad for this random lackey. Like, he got transferred to a fuckwin air carrier, only to have Jack show up and FIND HIM AGAIN. "OMG YOU FOLLOW EVERYTHING REI DOES OKAY, OKAY?LTHKQHLQHWG"
"YES SIR. CHRIST..."
*techno*
Okay. 16 minutes in and my mind is fuuuuuucked. And there's still like half an hour to go.
...
So I just got completely owned.
For those of you seriously interested in Yukikaze, and do not want to be spoiled, I suggest that at this point you stop reading this review-type entry. YES. A SPOILER WARNING. (THE *REAL* SPOILERS LIE IN PART TWO, HOWEVER. IF YOU WANNA BE DARING, IT'S OKAY. YOU CAN KEEP GOING WITH PART ONE AND BE FINE.)
So without further ado~
*SPOILERS BELOW*
Let me briefly touch on this one:
Totally gonna shoot himself, right? OF COURSE. SUICIDE'S THE ONLY WAY OUTTA THIS ONE.
BUT WAIT.
WHAT'S THIS?
THAT'S RIGHT, KIDS. FORGET ACROSS THE STREET. FORGET DOWN THE HIGHWAY.
JUST USE A FUCKING GUN AND OBLITERATE AAAAAAALL THE VEINS!
The ongoing speech here is rather ... well, I'll go and say it. Epic.
I could say he BECAME AN HERO what with only one man offering a salute, but.
Damn.
WORDS TO LIVE, NO, WORDS TO DIE BY.
"He's still... human."
*PWNT.*
We are currently just 18:30 in.
YEAH. I DO FEEL LIKE I'M BEING TROLLED WITH THIS EPISODE.
Ff.
ALL THIS MINDFUCK.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT THIS LACKS?
ANGST
AND GAY.
PRESENT AND ACCOUNTED FOR.
Jack looks longingly at Fukai.
Or, "Wanna go to my place?"
Suddenly it seems to switch to Fukai's unstable point of view, and Jack leaves (a bit angrily!) telling him not to worry about Yukikaze. (That damned whore of a plane!)
A quick exit! But accompanied by "We'll bring you both home safely."
THE DOOM. DO YOU SENSE IT?
Fukai. Please. As much as I am a /m/echasexual myself, if you must choose between Yukikaze and Jack, please, choose Jack, fucking hell I KNOW YOU WON'T BUT PLEASE, MAN. JAAAAAACK. ;_;
Suddenly, GENOCIDE! 8D
And the worst phone call Jack could ever receive in the world.
Here is where I draw the spoilers line. You may either continue on with Part two of this review thing, or stop here. I have included all the download links in both entries, so the choice is all up to you. :3
To download part five (HIGHLY RECOMMENDED): http://www.megaupload.com/?d=WQ8JKP1Q
The previous parts can be found here:
Part Four
Part Three
Part Two
Part One