Smelling the Stablemaster

[childeproof]

Two links on a NaNoWriMo forum made me smile in a slashy way. Peculiar spellings and syntax are original.

First is an account of Writing the Love Scene, a how-to-write-sex session with an 'author of nine historical romances', who is unironically introduced as 'having a lot of spunk'. Her audience, it seems, is curiously prudish.

At the starting

Comments

[bunnysquee]

i just snorted chocolate up my nose ... !!!

[childeproof]

Concentrate on smelling the stablemaster, I said.

[bunnysquee]

you're not helping me with my demure prim pretending to work secretary image here.

it kills me to see sedate women reading mills and boon or harlequin romances on the subway. i want to rip the book out of their hands and give them a copy of 'boiling point' or, better yet, ukcalico's 'sabotage' - can you imagine?!

[childeproof]

The standard academic position is that Mills and Boon represents an important articulation of female desire, but ...

*yawns*

PS Not even Ditzy Heroine without her contacts would believe in you as demure.

[msilverstar]

Well that made my afternoon. Someday soon, slash and fanfic will invade the romance novel market and omg will there be better writing!

I think there's a lot of truth to the idea that many women like the 'swept away' aspect of romance. I suspect that most of them would simply enjoy also having funny dialog, good insights and hot sex too!

[namastenancy]

OK - after snorting iced tea up my nose and all over my keyboard....best laugh of the day. I'm on a list specializing in the works of Dorothy Dunnett that prides itself on being intellectual, erudite, etc (blahblahblah). Then they go on and on about hysterical romance novels and how they just LUVE them. I wish I had your wit; you would absolutely slay them!

Back to smelling the stablemaster.

LOL!

namaste SF Nancy

[childeproof]

I've never read a word of Dorothy Dunnett. Isn't she one of the names that come up all the time as Most-Borrowed Author? At least in UK libraries, I think. Is she worth a look? You seem to suggest not, but then you are on the list...

Dorothy Dunnett

[namastenancy]

Oh - Dorothy Dunnett is a fantastic writer! One of the best historical novelists of the last 50 years or more. If you are interested, start with "The Game of Kings." It's a 6 vol series which follows the adventures of Francis Crawford, merchant soldier with many secrets, gorgeous looks, sardonic manner and mischief maker of epic proportions through 16th century Europe, Turkey and Russia. The first book is a bit difficult at first as Dorothy poured all of her erudition into it. She didn't think that she would ever be published again so there can be a bit of overkill. But persevere! She is very much worth the effort. Dunnett wrote another series about 14th century Europe, etc which follows the adventures of Nicholes VanDerPolle, another hero with many secrets and some ambiguity in his behavior. I didn't like that one as much but there are many who started with that series and like him much better. However, you WILL not encounter any of the "take me now, you great beast" type of writing. (LOL

[rosiespark]

who is unironically introduced as 'having a lot of spunk'

*snort*

The characters must maintain their integrity.

Is this physical hymenal integrity, or is she implying that characters of both sexes who (*gasp*) have sex have lost their moral integrity? Bah!

'The lifeboat's sinking! Take me now, you great beast!' Or 'Christ, my virginity's on the loose! Run for the hills!'

Your two latest plot bunnies, I conclude. ;D Let's see, the first one would be Orli and Brett Beatty (sp?) in the much publicised sinking of their Lothlorien boat. And the rampaging virginity one would involve wannabeslut!Elijah together with just about everyone else...

She looks up and sees a pair of knees, connected to narrow hips attached to a broad chest and even broader shoulders.

Well, that tells us he has at least some of the required bits arranged in an anatomically correct fashion - but not a lot else. Apart from making me feel distinctly queasy.

The toothache! The jaguar eyes! The stablemaster and the baker!! Oh, I can't breathe!

[we_love_smudger]

Drifting in from a very quiet night in Footie Slash. And am devastated to discover that in my latest fic have omitted descriptions of the smell of both Alan Smith and David Beckham. Must dash back and insert "Deep Heat" somewhere. How delicious this is. Me? I was snorting very very hot tea and as a result have managed to scald the skin behind my eyes.

[childeproof]

Hmm. Someone further up the comments snorted iced tea, but it probably didn't hurt as much...

You must go and write a fic called 'Deep Heat' immediatly. I always thought it sounded kinky.

[we_love_smudger]

Definitely kinky. And it stings when applied to soft tissue. Another great unused title in footie slash is "Magic Sponge". And of course the immortal "Getting Pulled Off At Half-time." (Non-footie people say "wha?" and run away.)

[childeproof]

As a non-footie person, it frightens me that I not only know all what all these things are/mean, but also that I knew the complacent!Arsenal result. I can't read football stuff (unless it's made_up's, and then mostly to torment her in RL) but I laughed at your 'new off-side rule' crack in your fic.