Comfort
Title: Comfort
Author: Viv
Genre: angst
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Viewfinder [manga]
Pairing: Takaba/Asami, kind of
Disclaimer: If only… *sighs*
Summary: Akihito thoughts while he’s trapped in Hong Kong. [oneshot - Companion: Remembering]
Worry, fear, panic, despair, anger.
I've felt them many times. All of them.
And almost always with you.
I've seen them once.
Those feelings. Worry, fear, panic, despair, anger.
Once.
In your eyes. Swirling, unbidden, unhidden.
And for some reason, it gave me some little sense of comfort.
One glimpse.
One small glimpse of your heated gaze, your terrified eyes, no smirk nor cigarette on your lips and with a gun in your hand.
Before I was taken away.
Where are you? Are you tearing down Japan and China right now? Are you looking for me? Were those feelings I saw real?
Or were they nothing more but a figment of my imagination? Something that I forced myself to believe so that I could cling on to that last shred of dignity that I have left?
Do you care? Do you care about me?
Because that would change everything.
Do you?
Because I've never seen you that way before. You never cared, never showed your emotions. All I ever saw were amusement and mockery in your eyes. And sometimes annoyance.
And my heart would break a bit more each time.
Because you've always been so cold to me and somewhere along the line, unwillingly, unconsciously, I fell for you.
And hard.
And it fucking hurts.
I practically threw away my life for you.
And now it has been completely taken from me.
All because of you.
Are you worried about me right now?
Are you cursing yourself for not being able to protect me?
Maybe you aren't. Maybe the moment I was out of Japan you brooded for a while and then cast me aside, suddenly realizing how much of a hindrance I am. How worthless I am to you.
But at least think about me. You just need to think about me, and that would be enough for me.
Wouldn't it?
I don't know. Maybe it would no longer be enough later.
And so while I'm here alone, I think about what I saw in your eyes before I lost consciousness.
Before I left Japan.
Worry, fear, panic, despair, anger.
I recall your eyes over and over again, I see them each night in my dreams and each day in my mind, hoping they were real so that I have the strenght to hang on.
Do you have the same nightmares that I have?
And so I cry, hoping that you're looking for me.
Hoping that you'll find me and hold me and fuck me and bring tears to my eyes while I scream and beg and cry for forgiveness for not listening to you.
So save me. Please save me.
Before I lose hope, before I lose the will to live.
Bring me back to Japan.
Save me and forgive me.
Save me before I forget your eyes.
That would be enough. Let me love you and suffer by staying close to you. You don't have to feel the same.
Let me think you care about me.
Worry, fear, panic, despair, anger.
I never knew someone's eyes reflecting those emotions would ever comfort me.
I never knew your eyes would keep me alive.
So save me, and let me look into them again.
---
April 23, 2006
Author's note: Taking my first dive into the world of fanfics for anything Ayane Yamano-related, even though I've been writing for years. Well hey, I only got into BL mangas last fall. (Though I've been in slash/yaoi/shonen-ai for years now.)
Written in... 30 minutes? Well I started about an hour ago, went to have supper, and then came back to give the finishing touches and correction.
[edit] Companion fic: Remembering
Author: Viv
Genre: angst
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Viewfinder [manga]
Pairing: Takaba/Asami, kind of
Disclaimer: If only… *sighs*
Summary: Akihito thoughts while he’s trapped in Hong Kong. [oneshot - Companion: Remembering]
Worry, fear, panic, despair, anger.
I've felt them many times. All of them.
And almost always with you.
I've seen them once.
Those feelings. Worry, fear, panic, despair, anger.
Once.
In your eyes. Swirling, unbidden, unhidden.
And for some reason, it gave me some little sense of comfort.
One glimpse.
One small glimpse of your heated gaze, your terrified eyes, no smirk nor cigarette on your lips and with a gun in your hand.
Before I was taken away.
Where are you? Are you tearing down Japan and China right now? Are you looking for me? Were those feelings I saw real?
Or were they nothing more but a figment of my imagination? Something that I forced myself to believe so that I could cling on to that last shred of dignity that I have left?
Do you care? Do you care about me?
Because that would change everything.
Do you?
Because I've never seen you that way before. You never cared, never showed your emotions. All I ever saw were amusement and mockery in your eyes. And sometimes annoyance.
And my heart would break a bit more each time.
Because you've always been so cold to me and somewhere along the line, unwillingly, unconsciously, I fell for you.
And hard.
And it fucking hurts.
I practically threw away my life for you.
And now it has been completely taken from me.
All because of you.
Are you worried about me right now?
Are you cursing yourself for not being able to protect me?
Maybe you aren't. Maybe the moment I was out of Japan you brooded for a while and then cast me aside, suddenly realizing how much of a hindrance I am. How worthless I am to you.
But at least think about me. You just need to think about me, and that would be enough for me.
Wouldn't it?
I don't know. Maybe it would no longer be enough later.
And so while I'm here alone, I think about what I saw in your eyes before I lost consciousness.
Before I left Japan.
Worry, fear, panic, despair, anger.
I recall your eyes over and over again, I see them each night in my dreams and each day in my mind, hoping they were real so that I have the strenght to hang on.
Do you have the same nightmares that I have?
And so I cry, hoping that you're looking for me.
Hoping that you'll find me and hold me and fuck me and bring tears to my eyes while I scream and beg and cry for forgiveness for not listening to you.
So save me. Please save me.
Before I lose hope, before I lose the will to live.
Bring me back to Japan.
Save me and forgive me.
Save me before I forget your eyes.
That would be enough. Let me love you and suffer by staying close to you. You don't have to feel the same.
Let me think you care about me.
Worry, fear, panic, despair, anger.
I never knew someone's eyes reflecting those emotions would ever comfort me.
I never knew your eyes would keep me alive.
So save me, and let me look into them again.
---
April 23, 2006
Author's note: Taking my first dive into the world of fanfics for anything Ayane Yamano-related, even though I've been writing for years. Well hey, I only got into BL mangas last fall. (Though I've been in slash/yaoi/shonen-ai for years now.)
Written in... 30 minutes? Well I started about an hour ago, went to have supper, and then came back to give the finishing touches and correction.
[edit] Companion fic: Remembering