This is the first time I have been alone in 5 days and it is a scary feeling. It is a sad state when you are afraid to be alone with yourself. I wish I could just fall asleep. I wish I hadnt come home. I feel like my friends look at me differently now, I feel like im walking around hiding a dirty secret, like I have been oh so very bad. I wish ( Read more... )

It is amazing how I can be so down and convinced that I will be alone forever. Then I realize that what I have been looking for has been right there in my face for years! I am such a blessed person. Sometiems life isnt easy but I have some of the greatest people in my life. I am so happy, everythign is falling into place. Right now my life ( Read more... )

When was the last time you thought of someone before you thought of yourself?

God damn it!!! I haven't cried this hard in a while....the sort of cry where it gets hard to breathe. I jsut got off the phone with my ex-boyfriend. He said one of my friends was an ass hole and I stuck up for him, then he started yelling at me. I don't even know why the fuck I care??? I broke up with him becasue he was shallow and full of ( Read more... )

I am growing as a person, I can feel it. I have growing pains and it is ever so painful. I am desperatley trying to keep my head above water right now. I was diagnosed as being bi-polar when I was very young and had been medicated most of my life. All the coctails of medication never helped, just made me sleepy all the time. I seemed to be ( Read more... )

God, I just stay busy all the time...work or just hanging out with some friends... I am constantly doing something. I have felt so weird this past week.. I have had heroin on the brain. My good old friend boy! I have brought it up to a few of my friends a couple times, I wnat to talk about ti becasue I am scared I'm going to do something stupid ( Read more... )

Feeling very heart broken tonight. I think about crying but I don't want to let anyone make me cry. I cried for a few minutes last night then acted like a goofy ass to cover up that I was sad. I feel so very less than, I feel unwanted, I feel unloveable. I hate that I fucking care.......damn it, why do I ever have to start caring. Everytime I ( Read more... )

a lot happened tonight, dont think i should write about it in here. why do things have to be so complicated?????????

I haven't been feeling so very well today, my nose is a bit stuffy and i am freezing cold. I did a lot of laying around today...it felt good! I need to do more of that, i just run all of the time. This change in weather is getting to me a little but no worries. I don't enjoy the cold but I enjoy the change of seasons. The plants are all dying ( Read more... )

The last few days have been petty great fun! Saturday we went to the cider mill....a brilliant time there! We ate dougnuts, ran from bees, went in a haunted house and conqured hay mountain!!!! I think hay mountain was the most fun of all....watching two people I adore fight to the death in a race over the top of a mountain...litening to dave ( Read more... )