DFA

[chitinous]

The whole Jews:guilt::peanut butter:jelly thing was getting old - and plus I got my ass kicked tough-love style by a close, long-time friend - so at the end of the year in San Francisco I hauled myself to one of those meetings designed to aid those of us with issues of codependency. I am not much of a support group joiner, but I had reached a point

Comments

[chitinous]

Totally. I'm not in any kind of dire straits, just wondering how I can quit dating people exactly like my parents, LOL. It must be even worse for folks who are in serious trouble - major debt, abusive relationships, etc. - who come looking for help and find a big empty room in some random community center.

Summarizes years of therapy in 2 paragraphs.

[nifwitch]

I had a very nice therapist tell me that while I would always pick relationships with people like my parents, I could choose people who are like the things I _LIKE_ about my parents. But first we had to figure out what that was.

It worked, more or less. Alas, I first had to get mad at them, and then I had to accept that I can't change them, but only me. Then I had to accept my parents as real, complex human beings who did some stuff wrong and some stuff right.

Re: Summarizes years of therapy in 2 paragraphs.

[chitinous]

That is extremely smart - and it seems to be working well for you. I never really thought about actively seeking my parents' good qualities. I will have to spend some time figuring out what those are as well.

[kits_meow]

That made me laugh.

But in a sad way.

:/

Hope you find what you're looking for.

(Apparently, I'm full of useless and trite aphorisms today.)

[chitinous]

Heh. Well thank you! We have a hardworking Laffs Fulfillment Department that is always glad for satisfied customer feedback.

[bitchencamaro]

Agh. I have had similar experiences.

[chitinous]

That sucks so bad and it makes me even more irritated to hear that.

[bitchencamaro]

Well, I have heard good things too. I think 12 steppin is not for me.

Have you considered some kind of group therapy? I've found it very helpful in recognizing and breaking old habits. Most don't have those catchy slogans though.

[mat_defiler]

My first thought was "well people from loss angeles have it all figured out, they don't need codependant support groups". Or maybe people in Los Angeles are all so individualistic, they have no problems with codependancy? In any case, a highly amusing, yet revealing, post!

[chitinous]

Ha! And here I was thinking that it was a lousy display of codependency - I was expecting a bunch of overresponsible people who, say, showed up for that meeting even though it was in the middle of their work shifts!

[chrisomatic]

It's good to see you have such a humorous take on all of that flaky meeting insanity. I also think it's a good sign that you're so insistent on finding support even when the flakes keep flaking.

[chitinous]

The shift from WTF to WTF/LOL was pretty quick. Clearly I will have to consider other avenues of support. Like cosmetology school, since it seems to involve practicing and receiving relaxing and excellent head massages and facials on a daily basis.