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The failed search for community and white fragility
IDA is the queer commune and place that developed my identity and defined my purpose for much of my adult life. It has become the setting of my anxiety dreams lately. I’ve had a twenty year relationship with this place, and this year is the first year in over 15 years that I will not visit at least once. Last night’s version of the ( Read more... ) -
The Good Patient
The Arsonist looks at me with tears in his eyes, smiling, euphoric ( Read more... ) -
Rant to Ameliorate My Exhaustion
I had long conversations last night with former coworkers from my current agency about the short term nature of the work we do. In many ways my job is the best fit for me of any job i've ever had. I feel i can be myself; i thrive from the contact and the types of relationships i have with my clients and some of my coworkers; i get along well with ( Read more... ) -
44 recap: anxiety, bottles, dyett
It's almost the end of another birthday, and the truth is birthdays are kind of hard for me. It seems like such a stupid first world dilemma, what with Trans Day of remembrance, FB streams full of islamaphobia, the inspiring words of Dyett hunger strikers and Black Lives Matters activists at the teachers for social justice event yesterday ( Read more... ) -
Sudden Decline in the Season of the Dead
I pulled the Death card this morning, on the anniversary of my Father's birthday. That was the final factor that made me take the turn off to go see V, even though I was not required to according to my schedule ( Read more... ) -
Samhain 2015
I started to make my list; i should keep an ongoing one because I wrack my brain every year, somehow, i have to remember the whole list, every year. Alysa, Paul, Donna, Todd, Halsey, Patrick, All The Grandparents, Aunt Mary, Aunt Alma, Cathy, L., Yareak, Anna, Loli, Do I include David who i went to highschool with, and Julia who was at SisSub1? ( Read more... ) -
Hit and Run
Of all the things i have felt assaulted by this past week, I think the highest ranking is the Doctor who oh so irritatedly yelled at me for trying to track down him and/or his staff to help me procure the correct authorizations so the client he had discharged from his facility could obtain the insulin (a very common oft prescribed formulation of ( Read more... ) -
Madness in Song
The other week my awesome friend Kat put a call out for songs that "best speak to your experiences with mental illness" in a cathartic not-so-much wallowing way. I have found myself listening and building a list ever since ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
Last winter I read some case study style books and saw a lecture about trauma by a neuroscientist named Bruce Perry. Ever since then there is so much of it that comes up all the time in my work, my own head, my interactions. He wove a lot of research findings with stories of children he worked with, all of it underlining some basic tenets of ( Read more... ) -
The Restorative Power of Random Interactions in One's Technetium Year
It has been a weirdly painful week in spite of an environment of amazing work happening around me, and, indeed, including me. I feel like the depth of my emotions has been in a lead cauldron since late last November and life has been occasionally maudlin but mostly copacetic, peaceful and productive at the very least. My power to create safe ( Read more... )