well hi there everybody!
things I've been doing with myself since october: having mental breakdowns, passing english honors with flying colors, making new friends with whom I spend all of driver's ed making sexual innuendos with rather than learning to drive, doing actual driving and nearly killing everyone in the car every single time despite my always going less than twenty miles per hour, cutting down my flist, editing my massive fic dump -- that's right, for three months, what? -- writing things that don't make sense, etc. etc.
SPEAKING OF WHICH:
Title: smeared lipstick and loose ties
Summary: Taemin thinks his hyungs are just a tad bit overprotective.
a/n: um. it was going to be serious. But then I stopped caring and made up a plot as I went. LOL BAD!SHINEE FIC, I THINK SEVERAL PEOPLE ON MY NEW SUPER SHORTENED FLIST ARE GOING TO DISOWN ME NOW. 8D
-
Taemin stumbles in as quietly as he can, slipping his shoes off at the front door and hoping that Kibum hyung hasn’t fallen asleep on the couch again (it makes sneaking in late at night ever so more complicated; it’s not like he makes it a habit to break his curfew or anything, just, sometimes he likes to go out at night and look at the stars or go down by the Han or spend some extra time working on his dancing at the practice hall and it’s annoying to explain that when they ask. and anyway, tonight he knows full well that that’s not why he’s gone out and coming back in late, knows exactly how it would sound if he had to explain it out loud - he’s been trying to work out what to say in the unfortunate case that he gets caught).
Kibum’s not there and Taemin sighs in relief, then wonders how he’s going to pull the rest of this off. He could just sleep on the couch instead of trying to get into bed in their shared room and waking all his hyungs up. He contemplates over whether he should shower or not, but then he realizes he’d need pajamas for that and so would have to go rustling through the closet, not to mention that the sound of water running through the pipes in the wall would probably rouse Jonghyun or Minho. Perhaps -
And then his thoughts are cut off by expectant throat clearing and the living room lights being flicked on. Taemin yelps at the burning of his retinas and then, when he regains his ability to see, at the sight of Jinki hyung standing there, as menacing as he can manage (which is not very, not with Jinki having his hands on his hips and tapping his foot, garbed in the powder baby blue bathrobe they bought for him after winning their first award, but Taemin gives him points for trying) and Kibum hovering right behind him, looking positively lucid and frightening.
“Where have you been?” Jinki demands, very strict and leader-like. Taemin is briefly impressed.
Unfortunately, Jinki falters a little after that, as if he’s not sure if that’s what he should say, and Kibum gives him a nice reassuring pat on the shoulder and takes over: “You think we’re stupid? Jonghyun wakes up in the middle of the night to pee and finds out that you’re gone and we’re worried sick wondering where you are!”
Kibum is practically billowing in his rage and Taemin takes the liberty to imagine a cape tied around his neck, just because it seems like it would be fitting at this moment; any moment where he works in the word ‘billowing’ into his inner monologues are fitting of capes, he thinks. He thinks the aforementioned cape would be crimson red - or hot pink, actually - and whipping about. (and Taemin obviously needs to work on his imagination and focusing skills, because really, he’s getting fussed at and he’s thinking about an imaginary cape around Kibum’s neck.)
“ - at least left a note if you were going for a walk or whatever, that would have been acceptable,” Kibum is talking a mile a minute and Taemin wonders how is it - if they were so worried about him - that Minho and Jonghyun are fast asleep at this moment in time, “but you think you can do anything that comes into your little head, obviously, and you - wait. WAIT. Is that lipstick on your collar?”
Taemin jolts back to attention and peers down, best he can, at his shirt collar. Sure enough, there’s a scarlet smudge standing out against the white of his shirt. Great.
Jinki blinks, eyes widening more and more impossibly by the second, and Kibum makes an affronted high pitched girly noise in the back of his throat, storming over to Taemin in three large steps and grabbing him by the shoulders. “DO I SMELL PERFUME ALL OVER YOU, MY SON, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING IN THE DEAD OF THE NIGHT?”
Taemin isn’t entirely sure how to explain this without it sounding bad. “Um.”
Kibum is screeching incoherently so Jinki takes control again, pulling Kibum off of Taemin. “Go to bed,” he orders firmly, the sternness effectively ruined when he accidently smiles sheepishly like he doesn’t know what he’s doing, “We’ll sort this out in the morning?”
Kibum screeches at Taemin’s retreating back and soon turns on Jinki, screeching at him instead.
-
“You’re in trouble.” Jonghyun practically sings out at breakfast. Taemin ignores him and works really hard at trying to use the right details and words in his explanation as he recites it in his head so that it sounds good beforehand.
“Big big trouble.” Minho is so kind as to reiterate before munching on his cereal.
“So Taeminnie-min-min,” Kibum says sweetly into his fake, tinfoil microphone, “Wanna let Key umma know where you were and what you were doing out late last night before you leave for school today?”
“…Not really.” Taemin answers truthfully.
Kibum points dramatically and screams, “LIPSTICK ON THE COLLAR. LIPSTICK ON THE COLLAR. ARE YOU LEADING A LIFE OF GLITTERY SHIMMERING SIN AND SEX BEHIND OUR BACKS? YOU’RE TOO YOUNG. WHAT AM I GOING TO TELL YOUR BIRTH MOTHER? SHE’LL BE SO DISAPPOINTED IN ME FOR LETTING YOU GET THIS WAY.”
“What he means to say,” Jinki says, “Is…um, should we be worried?”
(Kibum flails in the background. “NO, I MEAN TO SAY THAT TAEMINNIE HAS BEEN SEDUCED BY THE DARK SIDE OF SHOW BUSINESS, WHICH IS TRICKILY SET UP SO IT LOOKS FUN AND SPARKLY. IT IS A TRAP, MINNIE. AVOID IT AT ALL COSTS.” )
Taemin smiles and pokes at his egg. “No. I’m fine.”
And he really seriously is, it’s not like he’s a helpless little damsel in distress just because he’s fifteen and the youngest. Fifteen is plenty old enough!
-
Taemin feels like punching his hyungs in the face when they go behind his back and get Eeteuk sunbae and Eunhyuk sunbae to come to their dressing room before an Inkigayo performance.
“And so,” Eeteuk finishes up his particularly long story about basically nothing, or so Taemin has gathered, “That’s how we’ve gotten this far without turning to drugs. Or blinding amounts of meaningless sex, for that matter!”
“Outside the group, anyway.” Eunhyuk mutters under his breath and he probably doesn’t think Taemin catches it because he’s so ‘naïve’.
Taemin thinks the lot of them are kind of stupid. Plus, he’s blushing like crazy, because he knows what his hyungs think he’s doing and how exactly they’ve phrased it to the Super Junior sunbaes (and who knows who else).
When Eeteuk and Eunhyuk leave whilst giving them polite waves and not at all subtle winks, Taemin sends a hearty glare to each and every single one of his hyungs. “I hate you all.” He grumbles.
“It is for your own good,” Jonghyun and Kibum chorus. Jinki gives him a thumbs up and Minho looks a bit amused.
Taemin sighs and figures that telling the truth is better than letting them think he’s sex crazed at his tender young age, quote unquote. “Look, I - ”
He’s cut off by their manager peeking his head in the doorway, frantic. “You’re on in three, get in the waiting wing already!”
-
Taemin is willing to let sleeping dogs lie until Kibum hyung calls his brother about it.
“GEEZ I’M NOT A WHORE YOU GUYS, STOP SPREADING RUMORS.” Taemin’s face is completely red after an embarrassing phone call with Taesun and lots of audible whispering from some trainees that pass by the room they’re practicing in.
“I know,” Kibum says, looking proud of himself, “We’re preventing it from getting that bad.”
Jinki smiles, nods, “We can’t let you just do whatever you want, as hyungs it’s our job to look out for you,” and laughs as Jonghyun ruffles his hair and tells him he’s too cute to be a proper leader.
Taemin huffs exasperatedly, throwing his arms over his head. “I have not even had sex for the first time yet, what are you all thinking?! That other night, I just went out on a date with a noona and she got a little pushy, that’s it.”
It’s all silent, except for Minho snickering at Kibum’s facial expression.
“…oh, so you’re a liar too?” Kibum decides after a minute.
Taemin groans and wants to not deal with this, ever. “It was just, I was embarrassed, I didn’t want you all patronizing me for going on my first date that wasn’t broadcasted and kind of scripted, so we planned so I could sneak out while you weren’t paying attention. But then she started coming on really strong to me and it was freaky, so I pushed her out of my lap and just came home. That’s where the lipstick came from. And I had to walk home since she had driven, so it took me a while to get back from across town and so I got home really late.”
Taemin sighs and checks - why yes, it does sound as pathetic as he thought it would out loud, “It’s really stupid, that the girl was moving too fast instead of the other way around, and that makes me feel like I have no masculinity whatsoever and I don’t like it and didn’t want to talk about it. Now leave me alone about it already.”
Jinki gasps and Kibum does the exact same thing and Jonghyun starts humming idly and drapes himself over Kibum while Minho announces that he’s going to go find Super Junior’s Kibum sunbae and ask for tips on being the only sane one in the group. His scathing tone is ignored as Kibum (the younger and vastly more mentally challenged one) practically shrieks out, “SHE RAPED YOU DIDN’T SHE, OH MY GOD WHY DIDN’T YOU LET US KNOW?”
Jinki starts rambling on how horrible his leadership skills are if he’s letting his members get raped on his watch and Taemin cannot believe how stupid they are.
“NO, DID I NOT JUST EXPLAIN IT?” Taemin yells, frustrated at the misunderstanding, “I’M A FIFTEEN YEAR OLD BOY, I WOULDN’T LET THAT HAPPEN SINCE I’M NOT HELPLESS.”
“I think,” Jinki says very very slowly, “I think he’s trying to tell us that he’s not a whore with various sordid affairs going on in the dead of the night. Nor was he raped.”
“I think you may be right,” Jonghyun agrees seriously.
Taemin rolls his eyes. “I can’t believe you guys thought I would even become a whore, do I seem like the type to you?”
“Yes.” Kibum answers without a pause, “Hey, where’d Minho go?”
“You see what I have to deal with?” Minho is out in the hall, complaining to a rather confused and slightly disgruntled Kangin sunbae, who happens to be walking by on his way to his radio show, “They talk about someone raping Taemin almost daily. It’s all they ever think about, I think they’re planning on doing it someday.”
“Don’t drop the soap Taemin.” Jonghyun jokes. “Key umma might be waiting.”
Kibum slaps him in the arm and Jinki tugs at Kibum's sleeve, looking taken aback and deeply wounded. “Really Kibum? Is that what you’re planning?”
Kibum slaps him too.
---
as for that fic dump, here's a nice table of contents and linkage out to a lovely puppet journal (one of my many!) that houses my three far too large entries of tardiness.
Part 1: suju; first person experiment, dbsk; AU jaemin, ss501; hyungmin, dbsk; something short and strange with changmin in it, suju; the start of yehkyu, dbsk/smtownflavored; i don't even know but it's 888 words!, suju; i don't even know again except longer and worse and 2222 words!, suju; shi/shi (partially fulfilled request - mars_elegies), dbsk; AU yoomin, suju; ryeowook and death
Part 2: suju; ipod meme+something for a request come the eleventh song/tenth drabble (for wowowparadise), suju; failed hyukhae, suju; the oldest shichul ever, dbsk; junsu angst, suju; fading_sun_sock controls my life, suju+epikhigh; blohyuk, suju; kangteuk (fulfilled request - bitofajungle)
Part 3: suju; kibum and eunhyuk girl!fic (partially fulfilled request - digindeeper+ayray), smtown; i. don't. even. know., dbsk; jaechun, dbsk; more AU jaemin, suju; AU shichul