to think...sigh

[cia_conspiracy]

sigh... I just talked with my friend from the UK on the phone for 40 mins. Told him about what I have been going through. he just doesn't understand. I told him at the end of the conversation that I loved him and he just hung up. I think that's why I keep so much to myself. I know he worries about me and all but things like that really hurt me. I

Comments

[bloodlesstao]

first thing... dont EVER apologize about expressing yourself on your own livejournal, there should be no shame in writing how you feel, and i beleive it is important to vent your feelings otherwise they just get bottled up and that really causes alot of damage

[bloodlesstao]

but this is just my opinion. take care

[cia_conspiracy]

Thanks :)

Yah it's been harsh but It think I will make it, glass of wine in hand, but will make it lol. I know drugs aren't the way, but I believe it is a control issue. I don't do hardcore drugs anymore so at least what I take is either prescribed or over the counter.

But your right, we cannot escape, and I must endure the endless. Good points. I know ppl who can help me but I don't like to show myself as weak, I try and stay strong so those around me try and stay strong. I'm not sure if being strong all the time is the answer but it has worked so far.

Anyhow, not sure what else to write if I think of something I'll add it. Thanks again :)

xoxo.

[ex_karldorn235]

If you really are schizophrenic you should be seeing a pschiatrist so he can monitor and adjust and help you. You should also be seeing a therapist to help alleviate any triggers or stressers on your condition.

Is there anything I can say that would convince you to see a doctor? They know much more about this kind of thing than you do. And unlike other self proclaimed authorities, their authority is based on science and years upon years of education. Please, there are as many bad psychologists as there are bad teachers, but psychology is not bad - find a good one, and let her or him help you.

THAT is what the solution is, or at least the best option... drugs will only make it come back twice as strong. Please.

Please?

[cia_conspiracy]

I do see a doctor once a month, and a therapist twice a month usually. I was diagnosed over a year ago in New York and was court ordered to take drugs. I actually go see my therapist tommorrow and for the first time am going to be honest with her about hyperventalating and such because I feel I can't deal with having those problems. I'm not sure how she can help me stop and I'm not up for being on more prescribed drugs but just talking about it to someone with experience might help.
My doctor is pretty old fashioned and isn't open to much but he prescribes me the drugs so I try to be honest with him. My therapist is alright, she helps the poor in Africa like twice a year so I respect her but she too asks me "you don't really, actually, believe that, do you?" way too much. So I had to start lying. But when it comes down to physical problems, such as hyperventalating I think it is time I open up. But thanks for your concern.

xoxo.