Schizophrenia is a life long illness. The voices were gone for a while, but now they are back, and still claim they are the government. I had such a narley episode last night. I freaked out. After everyone went to bed, heres what I wrote down. Most of the notes are only of them speaking, they indicate when its me. And I'm sure they are hard to ( Read more... )

Well, something weird happened to me today. One thing that normally gets me to thinking the voices aren't human is that they both (male and female) are always there when I try and contact them. But today the girl was pissing me off, plus I favor the male more, and I went searching for the male, and he wasn't there! I searched and searched and he ( Read more... )

don't hate nothin at all except hatred ( Read more... )

Well today I had to wake up at 8:30am after goin to bed arounf 4-4:30am for work. Was alright. The guy I suppose I've been seeing lately hung out with me at work all day since I was the only one there. I dunno I'm not gonna rant about my boy problems, but he's okay. Got a new record (vinyl) from work today, only hip hop vinyl I've ever found there ( Read more... )

Well I saw my Doc. He prescribed me 30 more xanax (on top of my 70 a month) and some more Lexapro to increase the dosage but I don't take those anyway. They are for anxiety but my sister needs them more then me, so I give them to her. That may not make since to you, but if you saw her some days, you would give her all you could as well ( Read more... )

lol. A little fucked so don't mind. Drank 3 beers and took two vikadens. Not sure what I want to write. Kinda hungry, but no food in the house. Today was alright. Saw a guy I was seeing a bit ago, but he's like the wind, he comes and goes. So it was nice to see him. Got a DJ bag for my vinyl, my friend gave me his old esdjco bag. WOOoT.umm.. I don' ( Read more... )

Well I went and saw my therapist, turns out my appointment was yesterday but she took me for a few mins anyway today. I told her in short what was going on. She told my doctor and I have an appointment tommorrow. She suggested uppin my meds but that turns me into a zombie. So i wonder what they are going to have me do? Sigh. Guess I'll let you know ( Read more... )

Here are some photos I took in China when I was 16. Kinda goes along with the last paragraph of my last journal entry.


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Well i have to get up in 6 hours to go see my therapist. My sister is going with me. We have to take the bus there. It isn't far, a good 15 min ride, but at least I don't have to make the trip by myself. I'm drinking some wine now to make me tired. At like 6pm or so (Idunno but it was still light out) I fell asleep on the hammock on my patio in the ( Read more... )

sigh... I just talked with my friend from the UK on the phone for 40 mins. Told him about what I have been going through. he just doesn't understand. I told him at the end of the conversation that I loved him and he just hung up. I think that's why I keep so much to myself. I know he worries about me and all but things like that really hurt me. I ( Read more... )