I'm going to be horribly blunt here and tell you I think he just wants to have his cake and eat it, too. And you are allowing it. You deserve so much more than half of someone's attention. Sometime, if you feel up to it, go back and read your posts about him, but pretend they were written by a friend of yours. Then ask yourself what advice you would give to this friend. I am guessing you would tell her to distance herself from someone who caused her so much pain. Please don't be angry with me; I have your best interests at heart. I know I don't know everything that's going on, so I'm not in the best position to be giving advice, but I do know that it breaks my heart to read about how sad and depressed this person makes you. I don't know. Just be careful, okay?
I'm not sad and depressed anymore. My therapist said she's never seen me in such a good mood and so empowered to take on every challenge I might face. The last depressed post wasn't because of him, it was just because of not really feeling a connection with anyone anymore. I have gone back and re-read my posts, my written journals, and so much more and I feel exactly the same every time. I've heard the cake and eat it too so many times and it's not that. I made him make his decision this last time by turning him down. I still have an open mind though and I've been off on my own doing the things I want to do and spending time with the people I want to be around. He still knows that I haven't forgiven him and he's still trying to make up for it. I never promised I would forgive him either, but it's enough that he's working for it because that's something he's never done before. My therapist has worked hard with me to get me to a point where I can challenge him and not be afraid to walk away and that's where I'm at finally.
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