12:00 am- People are still voting in Ohio, some of which have been in line for 13 hours. Young Democrats are hopeful that the weak bladders of elderly republicans will get the best of them ( Read more... )

11:30 pm- The fate of a nation hinges on the state of Ohio. Wait, Ohio?! How the fuck did that happen?

11:00 pm- Bush has a strong hold on most of the "flyover" states, while Kerry seems to be taking the coastal states. Coastal residents are mildly comforted by the fact that they can swim to neighboring countries if Bush is elected.

10:00 pm- Cheney is spotted on the roof of a New Jersey polling place with an automatic rifle, taking potshots at people who "look like democrats"

10:30 pm- Most polls have closed on the Eastern seaboard and in some of middle America, but that didn't stop your dead relatives from voting for Bush.

9:45 pm- Polls close in New York. P Diddy kills all those that did not vote.

8:30 pm- Bush wins Texas. Celebratory gunfire slays half of Oklahoma's population.

9:00 pm- Kerry wins New York. Celebratory cannabis smoke causes Maine to giggle uncontrollably.

STAY TUNED

7:00 pm- Ralph Nader recieves one vote from Ralph Nader

7:30 pm- Bush casts vote. Accidently votes for Kerry. Poll workers reported hearing "curse words they didnt even know existed."

8:00 pm- Raplh Nader recieves another vote from a masked man calling himself "Mr...uhh...Rader. Nalph Rader."

STILL MORE TO COME

6:00pm- Republican oil tycoons protest as several thousand votes for Bush are thrown out because of a long forgotten law that only allows ONE of their mail-order brides to vote.

MORE TO COME. STAY TUNED.

So, today, i will be doing up-to-the-minute updates of the election process to keep all of you lovely people informed of new developments. Lets begin ( Read more... )

Okay, so, for those of you that live in caves (caves with internet access), Today was Halloween! On this Holiday, the men dress as scary things, and the women try to find the minimum amount of clothing that keeps them from being classified as naked, and wear it outside. Don't view that as a complaint, though. I am grateful for all of the sexy ( Read more... )