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Bitchy Monday
-The "it's complicated" relationship status option in Friendster. Either you're single or you're not, what the fuck.
-Ladies, please stop wearing clothes that are too small for you. PLEASE.
-Mothers, please stop using your strollers as battering rams to get through crowds.
-Chinatown, please do something about your stench.
-Please stop loitering in ( Read more... ) -
Sadism
A few years ago, I worked with a guy named John*. He was dating James* for a while and wanted to end the relationship. The logical thing to do would be to simply break it off. Not John. He came up with a plan to cook James only very fatty, rich meals to fatten him up. Then John figured he could break up with James, hiding behind the excuse ( Read more... ) -
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Dear R,
Thank you so much for driving all the way out to scurry Bed-Stuy to drop off the air conditioner - I know it was really out of the way for you. The boyfriend and I are very grateful. It was so nice to finally sleep like civilized people. I even let the boyfriend hold me before we went to sleep.
Let's hang out soon, drinks are on me. ( Read more... ) -
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The boyfriend and I deserve a thunderous round of applause for surviving the past hellishly hot two days with no air conditioner. Sunday, I couldn't fall asleep because it was so hot. The boyfriend was ass passed out, snoring and grinding his teeth and carrying on, sleeping peacefully. I took it as a personal affront because there I was sweating ( Read more... ) -
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I love three-day work weeks. Almost as much as three-day eat fests.
I have to work during the day tomorrow, but afterwards is GIRLS' NIGHT!!! I'm so excited!!! I think there's going to be about ten of us. Dinner first and then we'll commence with the bacchanalian festivities!!! So many exclamation points in this paragraph!!!!
I finally ( Read more... ) -
Snaggle Tooth and Snaggle Puss
Earlier this afternoon, I got onto the elevator. There were about four people already in it, but there was still plenty of space to stand anywhere. So someone please explain to me why that fugly, stanky girl had to stand so effing close to the buttons, WHY?! The girl sees me trying to push the button for the 26th floor, but does she move? NO. She ( Read more... ) -
Review: Lima's Taste
Last night, the boyfriend and I went to Lima's Taste (Christopher Street and Bedford Street, West Village). I heard good things about it so we decided to check it out. Unfortunately, it was horrible from the start. The restaurant was stuffy. The server looked like he'd rather be somewhere else. The CD skipped for an hour before it was changed ( Read more... ) -
Welcome, summer!
Ah. My favorite season is officially here. I am so happy! Barbeques, ungodly heat and humidity, trips to the beach, camping, fatties walking around half naked that make me feel better about my body, longer days - what's not to love?
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But where I love the heat and humidity, the boyfriend HATES it. Everyday we come home, he's all acid and vinegar ( Read more... ) -
Simmer down, rabid soccer fans
Doctors probe heart attack risk for soccer fans ( Read more... ) -
When a bunghole and a mouth become one
It's really fucking annoying when people make rude comments about what I'm eating. "Ew, brussel sprouts! Oh my god. And don't you know pork is a filthy animal?" my stupidass co-worker said to me today. You hear me saying, "Ew, wrinkly eyes at 23!" or "Ew, crusty Hobbit feet!" or "Ew, you're Muslim so you must must have a bomb up in your vag!" ( Read more... )