Torchwood Fic: "It Started With A Broken Headlight - 3a/8" (Mulitple Pairings)
Title: It Started With A Broken Headlight
Part: 3 of 8
Author(s): cally73 (Toshiko), Clarrisani (Ianto), djpugsly (Owen), Obsessed7 (Gwen), QL (Random Others), Ruthyf (Jack)
Pairing(s): Multiple Pairings
Rating: R
Summary: Ianto discovers the SUV has a broken headlight...
Disclaimer: Not anyway connected to the BBC emails, just a bit of fun.
A/N: Written by a group of authors at the Torchwood Australian Forums for the "Torchwood Weekly Writing Challenge #4". I have permission from all those involved to reproduce this here. There are eight parts (one for each day). I will post a selection of links at the end of the final part to the original thread, the challenges, and also a selected few other links that might be of interested. Anyway, hope you enjoy.
A/N #2: With all the angst in the air at the moment, I decided to post this earlier than planned. Here's a little humour to lighten things up a bit.
Part One
Part Two
********************
To: All
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008 (7am)
Subject: Breakfast
---
Good morning everyone!
How are all my beloved staff on this bright and sunny morning? Oh I know it really isn't bright and sunny outside, but don't you think it just feels that way today??
Well the good news is the boss is in a ggrrreeeaaaatttt mood today, so I'm shouting everyone breakfast this morning.....Ianto will be along shortly with a wonderful selection of breakfast items for you all to indulge in......please meet us in the boardroom in 30 minutes.
Have a great day.
From a very happy boss
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Last night
---
Wow, what a night hey Ianto? One of our most memorable I'd say......
Just wanted to let you know that I won't forget it in a hurry. And yep you certainly know how to put me in a good mood.
By the way, I'm going to the movies tonight - off to see The Bucket List - it looks pretty good; wanna come? We could sit in the back row for a bit of nooky yeah?
Jack
********************
To: Prime Minister's Office
From: Captain Jack Harkness - Torchwood
bcc: Torchwood (All)
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Torchwood Finances
Status: Classified
---
Dear Prime Minister
May I remind you that if it weren't for Torchwood, alien activity would run amok in Cardiff. So I don't believe shutting us down is a good solution to the financial situation, do you? Imagine the cost of trying to control alien forces with inexperienced personnel at the helm. What would you do? Send in the armed forces to blunder in and create additional chaos?
And I think not allowing a budget for technology is short sighted to say the least. Without upgraded computer systems, up to date communications, and the latest you beaut gizmos, we can't operate effectively and do what we do best.
Regarding the 1379 Pound 16p that has been billed, we wish to advise that we have had to entertain a number of government dignitaries over the last 12 months - these "meetings" were held so we could justify our financial position to them, and to ensure we could continue to qualify for future government support, so we feel quite within our rights to now claim back costs for entertainment expenses.
For your information, our Ianto Jones will be completing the grant funding forms (for review) and submitting them within the next week.
Prime Minister, any time you would like to visit our "neck of the woods" to see what we actually do in a day, feel free to drop in. You will quickly realise just how important Torchwood is to Cardiff, the UK, and the entire world for that matter.
Yours sincerely
Captain Jack Harkness
********************
To: All
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. Prime Minister's email - Torchwood Finances
-----
Ok, now that I have addressed the PM's email, there will be no further talk of anyone having to prostitute themselves "for the cause".
Jack
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re Breakfast
---
Jack,
How lovely of you to shout breakfast for us. :) Thank goodness I only had time for a quick cup of tea before I came in. I take it then that you had a very good night?
If the Prime Minister doesn't relent on the technology budget, I still think Owen should be prostituted out. How am I supposed to work with out-dated equipment? I don't ask for much. My systems are long overdue for an upgrade.
I think I can smell breakfast already.
See you soon.
Tosh
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re Breakfast
---
Tosh,
As long as you enjoy breakfast, that is the main thing....ah yes, you could say I had an exceptional night actually ;)
We'll see what response we get from the PM's office....prostituting Owen? Well it could be a bit of fun I guess.
Jack
********************
To: All
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: private cd collection
---
Ok who is the culprit? Some of my cds are missing - predominantly the show tune ones, but a Celine Dion one as well which is a personal fave.
C'mon kids, fess up!
If you want a loan, just ask next time. You know that I will know if any are missing, because they are all alphabetised.
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re private cd collection
---
Jack, while I can't answer to the whereabouts of all your cds, I can inform you that we (Ianto, Gwen, Owen and myself) made a collective agreement to confiscate the Celine Dion one. We know that you are a big fan of hers, but the rest of us are not. Once through is bad enough, but to put it on repeat for an entire day? That was torture. I'd rather listen to an Owen/Janet duet. I'm not sure who actually took the cd, but it's safe to say that it won't be around any time soon.
Breakfast was just lovely, thank you very much!
Tosh
********************
To: All
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re private cd collection
---
Further to my earlier email regarding my cds, there is a rumour going around that my Celine Dion cd has been confiscated, due to excessive play time.
If the said cd is returned, there will be no backlash. But, if it isn't returned in the foreseeable future, there will be a penalty to pay for such a hideous act of theft. Celine is my fave and you all should've known better.
Kids I just shouted you a great breakfast so if karma is kind to me I should get my Celine cd returned very soon.
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Hunt
Hey Ianto,
With Easter fast approaching, I thought it would be FUN to have an Easter Egg hunt in the hub.....can you organise the purchase of a stack of eggs, and send around the appropriate emails to notify the team of the hunt?
Thanks hun!
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. Hunt
And Ianto, I expect you to wear that bunny outfit again too :)
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: the team
Hey Tosh,
Any ideas where everyone has snuck off to? No one seems to be floating around at present......are they off on a mission I don't know about? (perhaps trying to replace my Celine Dion cd?????)
********************
To: All
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: the missing pizza girl
---
Since Jubilee Pizza doesn't seem to be too keen on letting go on their missing pizza girl, I'll send them a fake email. Hopefully it will do the trick, otherwise I'll work on something more sophisticated. Not wanting to sound like a techno-snob, but they're only pizza makers after all.
Tosh
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: re the team
---
I'm not sure where everyone's gone. I think I saw Ianto heading for the archives. He certainly looks tired this morning. ;)
Tosh
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: re the team
---
Yes Ianto may actually be trying to get some shut eye down there. He didn't get a lot of sleep last night.
Jack
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: the missing pizza girl
---
Good idea Tosh re the fake email - I've been meaning to respond to their emails, but the PM's one took precedence.
Thanks for following this up for me.
********************
To: All
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: shopping
Hey Kids,
I'm just popping out for awhile as I have some birthday shopping to do. Plus I had heard there has been a new Celine Dion cd just released, so I'm eager to have a listen.....
Should be back in a couple of hours.
Jack
********************
To: Jubilee Pizza
From: Annie
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Hi!
---
Hi guys! Long time no see. Sorry for leaving you in the lurch like that. You see, I had to leave in a hurry. I'd been seeing this guy and well, things happened. I couldn't tell my parents so we eloped. Anyway, all's good. When I get my self organised, I'll send some photos of our baby boy.
Annie
********************
To: Gwen Cooper, Ianto Jones, Owen Harper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Earplugs
---
I've got some spare earplugs if anyone needs them.
Tosh
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Many Things
---
Tosh just stuck her head into the archives looking for me, so I thought I should let you know that I'm catching up on some filing. Since I've been going out with the team I've fallen behind so I've been using my free time to fix things up. Gwen has a tendency to put things back in the wrong place.
Thank you for breakfast this morning. I really could not be bothered having to arrange everyone’s food. You really did wear me out last night. I must ask - is it possible to wear you out? I'm beginning to run out of ideas on how to do it. I really thought I had you last night, but given your energy this morning it would appear I was wrong.
I've also finished the forms for the Prime Minister and will drop them into his office this afternoon. I think his receptionist and a couple of the other staff might have a thing for me, so I am sure they will be accepted without incident.
I have ordered the Easter Eggs, and will pick them up tonight. I will be sure to place them somewhere where Owen won't be able to find them this year, and where Myfanwy won't get into them. The vault should do it, I think. And there is no way I am wearing that bunny outfit this year. I still am yet to work out how you convinced me to wear it last year.
And on a final note - you buy that Celine Dion CD and there will be no sex for a month. And that's a promise.
Ianto
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: He's trying it again
---
Tosh, do you remember that ridiculous bunny outfit Jack made me wear last year? He just asked me to wear it again. And here I thought he wouldn't go so low, given my reaction last year. So, since you won our bet I'll take you out to dinner as promised. You pick the place, and don't worry about the price.
Also, I just found that file you were looking for yesterday. It had been put back in the wrong place, as I had expected. I will leave it on your desk when I make the next coffee round.
Nice work with the Jubilee Pizza order. If you need any assistance, let me know. And I might grab a couple of those spare earplugs. You never know when you need them.
Ianto
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. Many Things
---
Filing hey, is that what you call it? I'm sure you've been snoozing down there my friend.
I'm afraid I have to inform you that you should give up trying to wear me out. It just isn't going to happen. So don't worry your pretty head about it - just enjoy the ride! Sorry if I wear you out (well I'm not really as it is a lot of fun).
Thank you for completing those forms for the PM - at least that will get them off our back for awhile. I'm sure the staff there do "have a thing" for you; I personally know all about your attributes and they are missing out I must say.
Yes please ensure that Owen (and Myfanwy) don't get their mits (or beak) on those Easter eggs. Oh c'mon hun, I want to see that bunny outfit again - of course, we could do a private viewing ;)
Um, with regards to Celine baby, as long as I don't play it in your presence, can we review the no sex policy?
Jack (now sorry that he bought another Celine cd)
********************
To: All
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: More SUV Problems
---
So, I finally got around to fixing the headlight and noticed a couple of things:
Firstly, it would appear that someone left the lights on as now the battery is flat. I am currently recharging it so no one can use the SUV for the next few hours.
Secondly, there is a sizable scrape along the left rear passenger door that was not there two days ago.
Third, would someone care to explain to me how a piece of fish ended up in the rear compartment.
Fourth, has anyone misplace a g-string recently.
Fifth, Owen, put the knob back on the gear shift. It is not funny.
Sixth, Jack, stop eating in the car! I'm tired of having to clean the jam off the steering wheel.
Seventh, please tell me the white stain on the back seat is more food and/or drink.
Eight, when it runs low on fuel, fill it up. It's rather awkward having to have the SUV towed through Cardiff. We have enough people talking as it is.
Well, that's what I've noticed so far. I am sure that I will discover more things as I continue to inspect the SUV. Might I remind you that it is vital that the SUV is in peak working condition in case of an emergency, and it takes everyone looking after it to keep it that way.
Thank you.
Ianto
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. Many Things
---
Yes, filing. I do work you know, unlike some other people whose names I shall not mention.
You do realise that I do enjoy a challenge, and I am sure that I will discover your secret one of these days. And I do believe it was you who had the 'ride' last night. At least at some stages.
There will be no bunny outfit, and if I even see the Celine Dion CD, no sex. Period.
Ianto
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. More SUV Problems
---
Um, I'd say more than likely the g-string fell out of my Sexpo bag of goodies.....can I have it back?
Noted re the jam - I promise never to do it again! Well, that is, I hope I remember not to do it again. I'll try anyway.
Mmmm, the white stain on the back seat, well let me put it this way, it isn't food or drink
I'll try to behave in future, and I'll consider myself chastised. Is there a possible punishment that you have in mind for me?
And by the way, are you coming to that movie with me tonight?
Jack
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. Many Things
---
I know you work very hard Ianto, very hard......in fact, I love your work ethic.
Mmmm, I think the "riding" was enjoyed by both parties, don't you?
Please please please wear the bunny outfit - you look so cute in it, and it is a definite turn on - you won't be disappointed.....
Consider the Celine cd gone - thrown out - kaput - out the window - nowhere to be seen.......she's outta here......
Love ya.
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Gwen Cooper
Date: 03 Mar 2008
Subject: RE: Many Things
---
Thanks Ianto, that sounds great. I'll pop round with my share of the pizza money in about half an hour and then you can show me the CCTV thing and do what ever you need to do with my computer.
Oh, and the radio... why do you think I leave it on? ;)
Gwen
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. More SUV Problems
---
*sigh* Sir, what have I told you about the back seat. You really weren't that eager to try out those toys, were you? You could have at least waited until you were in your room, or at the very least my place. You do have a key after all.
I am sure I can come up with a form of punishment. I think I will start with 'no coffee for two hours, no sex for four'. And I might come see that movie with you. I have been meaning to see that one.
As an advanced warning, I do owe Tosh dinner at some stage. I will let you know what night so that you can avoid making plans.
Ianto
********************
To: Ianto Jones; Toshiko Sato
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: this afternoon
---
Do you need me for anything this afternoon? I have to go out again, and am happy to be the errand boy if anyone needs anything picked up whilst I'm out and about.
By the way, I will only be back in for a short while and then out for the evening, so please email me asap if you need anything followed up before I disappear again.
Jack
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: In Regards to the Bunny Outfit
---
No
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Gwen Cooper
Date: 03 Mar 2008
Subject: RE: tonight
---
Ok, I have something else to do for an hour or so now, so the usual pub about eight sound ok?
Gwen
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. More SUV Problems
---
That isn't exactly the form of punishment I had in mind *pouts*.
You wait until after that movie tonight - yours is coming young man!
And that's a promise.....
Jack
********************
To: Gwen Cooper
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 03 Mar 2008
Subject: RE: Many Things
---
Oh, no particular reason. ;)
I will finish showing you how the CCTV works when you stop by. I do have plans for the evening, so make it soon.
Ianto
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. In Regards to the Bunny Outfit
---
Bugger.
What if I put it on, huh?
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Gwen Cooper
Date: 03 March 2008
Subject: Re: Secrets
---
Sounds like the kind of sick joke Owen would play in my opinion. I'm sure he'll deny it until he's blue in the face though.
Gwen
********************
To: Gwen Cooper
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: Secrets
---
Gwen,
You are probably right re Owen - I think he does have a secret Teletubbies fetish anyway - it would be so like him!
Jack
********************
To: Jubilee Pizza
From: Gwen Cooper (Torchwood)
Date: 03 Mar 2008
Subject: Re: Payment
---
Dear Chaz and Davo,
I don't think much of your staff management if it takes you an entire year to chase up the disappearance of one delivery girl.
I checked police records and it seems the poor girl was mugged on her way back to your shop, and, also according to police records, you were notified at the time.
Gwen Cooper.
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. In Regards to the Bunny Outfit
---
NO!
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Gwen Cooper
Date: 03 March 2008
Subject: Re: Be careful
---
Bloody hell Owen!! Don't even think about it when you're writing emails!! You do know Ianto has access to all our accounts don't you? He's the bloody network administrator for fuck's sake!!
Gwen
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. In Regards to the Bunny Outfit
---
Are you telling me that I have to find someone else to wear the bunny outfit for me then? Huh????
********************
To: All
From: Gwen Cooper
Date: 03 March 2008
Subject: Re: Prime Minister's Email
---
I'm with you Ianto :)
Gwen
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. In Regards to the Bunny Outfit
---
*glares*
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. In Regards to the Bunny Outfit
---
I love it when you get cranky.......
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. In Regards to the Bunny Outfit
---
The only action you're going to get tonight will entirely depend on how much is in the movie, as on screen is the only place you will be getting it from.
********************
To: All
From: Gwen Cooper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Bloody email...
---
Sorry everyone, all the fiddling around with my computer last night seemed to make it hiccup and all my mail's only just come through.
Tosh, what did you send to Jubilee Pizza as I just informed them of the fake police report we planted last year. Told them they had terrible staff management if it took them that long to look for a missing staff member anyway.
Gwen
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. In Regards to the Bunny Outfit
---
*sobs*
Boy you are cranky......c'mon Ianto, I'm sure I can work out a way to make you happy again.
I can take a hint (eventually), no more mention of the bunny outfit - better still, how about we get Owen to wear it on egg hunt day?
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Gwen Cooper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: Secrets
---
I think it's the bright colours - appeals to his juvenile nature ;)
Gwen
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. In Regards to the Bunny Outfit
---
I could always make it no sex for a week, simply for planting the image of Owen in that outfit in my head.
********************
To: All
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: going now
---
Ok kids, I'm going out for awhile.....do you need anything before I go?
I gather Owen and Tosh have nicked off somewhere (?)
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Gwen Cooper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: going now
---
Actually can you give me a lift Jack, I need to pop out too. Florist.
I'll meet you in the top office.
Gwen
********************
To: Gwen Cooper
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: going now
---
No probs Gwen - I'll be there in 5.
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Movie
---
I'll be back a bit later Ianto - probably leave the hub tonight around 6.15pm and go straight to the cinema - I gather that is ok with you.....perhaps we'll get a bite to eat after the movie (that is if we don't have an appetite for something else instead).
Jack
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: A Favour
---
Jack, do you think you might be able to pop by the store and pick up the Easter Eggs I ordered? If you don't have time I could do it later.
Ianto
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. A Favour
---
Not a prob - I'll pick them up just before I return to the hub, to ensure they don't melt in the SUV - it is a bit warm out there today. I'm on my way out now and will stop in to ask you about the store details etc.
I've always got time to do things for you Ianto, you know that.
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: Movie
---
It sounds good to me. I'll see you then. And eating works, since I am currently withholding dessert. You have far too much as it is.
Ianto
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: Movie
---
Ok we're outta here at 6.15pm. I'm sure we can work something out about dessert, surely!
I've picked up the eggs - have you found the boxes yet?
********************
To: All
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Jack's back!
---
Hi Kids, I'm back!
I'll be only checking my email intermittently as I have a stack of files to go through, before I leave today.....Jack's got a hot date tonight, YAY for me!
Later on this evening, I may come back online (depends on how lucky I get I guess), as I can come in remotely to check my mail. So if you need to reach me, I'll endeavour to check my email some time throughout the evening.
Jack (the happy camper ;) )
********************
To: Gwen Cooper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. Bloody email...
---
Gwen,
I just made it sound as if she got herself knocked up and then eloped. Your email shouldn't raise any extra suspicion. Because I set up the fake account, I can answer any questions they may have.
Tosh
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. He's trying it again
---
Poor Ianto. I guess this is one bet I should have lost. But, you did look very cute in it. That fluffy little tail, those long ears... *cough* sorry, got a little carried away there. *g*
Personally, I think it would be more fitting on Jack - he's like the duracell bunny - keeps on going and going. lol!
You're an angel for finding that file for me. What would we ever do without you? :)
As for the dinner, how about that little Italian place around the corner? They do a wonderful risotto, and despite how close it is, I hardly ever get to it.
Tosh
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: g-string
---
Ianto,
I think the g-string might be mine. However, it's NOT what you might think. It's probably from the other morning when I was running late for work. I wore the same jeans that I had the day before. I should have checked them before I put them on, because as I was hurrying along the pavement, my g-string fell out of the bottom of my jeans. I was absolutely mortified. I snatched them up and put them in my handbag. We got that weevil call straight away so I never had the chance to put my bag away. Since Jack was driving, they must have fallen out along with half the contents of my bag, as we swerved around corners. I obviously missed them when I gathered everything else up.
Tosh (who's now feeling extremely embarrassed)
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: g-string
---
Tosh, I've just noticed your message on Ianto's email. Unfortunately (for you) I have laid claim to this item, as I was missing an article from my Sexpo bag.
So sorry, it was mine not yours.
How are you going with those new weevil files I gave you to upload?
Jack
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: g-string
---
Jack,
If that wasn't mine, then where's mine? It's bad enough that someone else is privy to my embarrassing moment, but now I've lost my favourite g-string.
Tosh
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Captain Jack Harkness
cc: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: g-string
---
Ianto,
Any chance there was another g-string found in the SUV?
The one you gave to me was definitely mine, but Tosh's is still missing - perhaps someone has shoved them in the glove box?
Jack
********************
To: All
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Dinner
---
I'm just popping out for some food. Would anyone like me to pick up anything while I'm at it?
Tosh
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Dinner
---
No thanks Tosh, I won't be here for much longer - got that hot date tonight.....
Thanks anyway.
********************
To: All
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: tonight
---
Hey kiddies,
Well I'm hitting the shower and getting ready to go out, so I'm pretty well not available for most of the evening :)
So behave yourselves and don't get up to too much mischief without me.
Have a good night.
Jack
(and I hope this time that "all hell doesn't break loose" like the last time I was absent Roll Eyes)
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: Movie
---
Okay, I'm all set to go. I'm taking my PDA with me just in case we're needed. Things usually tend to fall apart when we're both out.
I'm all set for the eggs, and I will just send Tosh an email about the g-string. I did find another one, just not in the SUV...
Ianto
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: g-string
---
Tosh, I did manage to find another g-string. I found it just inside the door of the garage, so I'm assuming you dropped it then.
In regards to that dinner I owe, how does tomorrow night sound? Unless of course you have other arrangements. And I'll pass on the food. I'm Jack's 'hot date' after all.
Ianto
P.S. Jack did offer to wear that bunny suit, but I threatened to take away one of his life loves if he even tried it.
********************
To: All
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Tonight
---
I'm out for a couple of hours tonight, but I will be taking my PDA with me. I must reinforce that any need to contact me must be for an emergency only, not just because you need caffeine or can't find a file.
Ianto
********************
To: Ianto Jones (my hot stud ;) )
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. Tonight
---
I'll be with you in about 15.......can't wait.......love ya!
Jack
********************
To: All
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: dinner
---
If any one needs me, I'll be eating dinner in the boardroom. I'm going to be working late tonight.
Tosh
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Video Feed
---
Hey Tosh, my video feed to Janet's cell has gone down. Do something about it will ya?
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. Video Feed
---
There, it should now be up and running. If you didn't keep hitting the wrong buttons there wouldn't be a problem!
Tosh
********************
To: Ianto Jones
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Caffeine fix...
---
Hey Ianto, how do I operate the coffee machine? Should it make a banging, grinding noise? Can I borrow one of your suits? I fell in the water again. Hey, how’s Jack? Say hi to Jack for me. Also, how do I get Pterodactyl shit from the couch? Thanks mate.
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: g-string
---
Thanks Ianto. :) I was more worried that Owen had picked it up. Tomorrow night sounds fine to me.
Tosh
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: Video Feed
---
Thanks Tosh. Um, You know, I like to keep an eye on her. While I'm watching the football, I mean. You know cause if she got out she's got the big nasty claws, those sharp pointy teeth, the growl, that growling... Long story short I definitely don't have a thing for Janet. Definitely.
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Ianto Jones
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Fridge
---
Hey Ianto, I think the fridge is broken. It smells funny, and there's water leaking all over the floor. Hey where's the mop again? Oh well can't find it, guess I'll have to wait for you to return. Tosh says hi, I told her she could tell you herself, just fire off an email. Hey which part of the rift machine am I not to touch again?
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. Video Feed
---
You know, Owen, sometimes you protest just a little too much regarding you fondness for a certain hub resident. Are you sure there isn't anything more going on?
Tosh
********************
To: Owen Harper
Form: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: don't annoy Ianto
---
You better not be sending off emails to Ianto. I told you that he was out for the evening. Give the guy a break! Any one would think that you couldn't be apart from him for 2 mins. Have you got a crush on him?
Tosh
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: don't annoy Ianto
---
Are you serious? Give it a rest Tosh. I don't need anyone in this hub. Anyone. But if you want to give me a hand annoying Ianto...
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Ianto Jones
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Johnnies
---
Hey Ianto, I'm about to get lucky with Gwen and Tosh. Where do you keep your stash of johnnies? I've been all through your stuff but I can't seem to find them.
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: don't annoy Ianto
---
Some weevil has really crawled up your butt tonight. I'm not going to help you annoy Ianto - he's been flat out these past few days. I will help you get Gwen though, since she's hardly been around. I'm supposed to be working on some weevil files that Jack's sent me. I've sent you copies of things you might find of interest for your research.
Tosh
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: don't annoy Ianto
---
Oh come on, it's just you and me Tosh, are really that much of a geek that while everyone else is out having fun, you're stuck in here doing what Jack wants you to do? Hey, I've got an idea, let's raid Jack's collection of sex toys.
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: don't annoy Ianto
---
I'm NOT raiding someone else's sex toys! That is just revolting. Okay, if you're that bored, I know where Ianto has archived some alien porn. That's unless Jack has managed to find it first. Why are you still here anyway? I thought that you would have had a hot date or something.
Tosh
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: don't annoy Ianto
---
I did. But she.. ok I didn't. But I am quite fond of office sex, and seeing as it's just you and me...
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: don't annoy Ianto
---
I have no intention of being just another notch on your bedpost. I'm not just going to jump into bed with you just because no one else is around.
Tosh
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Would you like a coffee?
---
I'm going to brave Ianto's pride and joy. I think tonight's going to be a long night. Shall I make you a cup while I'm at it. Ianto has been giving me lessons, so it should be relatively palatable.
Tosh
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: Would you like a coffee?
---
Spoil sport. Ianto was game. and Gwen. and Jack would have been. Plus it wouldn't have to necessarily be a one night stand.
Oh and a cup of coffee would be great. Perhaps you could bring it up wearing nothing but your G-string...
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re Would you like a coffee?
---
How do you know I wear a g-string? On second thoughts, maybe I don't want to know.
Tosh
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: I think I broke it!
---
Owen, help! I've done something to the machine and I can't work out what it is. I'm sure that I did everything Ianto told me to. Everything was going okay and then it made a rattling sound and all it's lights went out. Please come down and help me fix it.
Tosh
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: Would you like a Coffee?
---
Gwen let it slip that you and her wear the same brand of g-string ;). Oh and I happened to spot it falling out of your handbag on the CCTV
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Ianto Jones
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: *kiss*
---
Hey Ianto, I'm getting a little bit hot and bothered sitting here, all alone. I'm thinking about that other night in the archive room. I'm unloosening my pants. I'm touching myself. It feels really good. Ianto, are you going to come here and satisfy me? my wittle Ianty-wanty *kiss*
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re Would you like a coffee?
---
I should have known Gwen would have had something to do with it. I hate to think what else she's told you. You could have told me I'd dropped it.
Tosh
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: My eyes!
---
Good grief! If you're going to do that, you could at least put a "Do Not Disturb" sign up! I nearly spilt the coffee. All this talk of women's underwear getting you hot and bothered? It's only instant I'm afraid. I got a couple of sample sachets in a magazine, so technically haven't gone against Ianto's ruling of no cans of instant. It will just have to be our little secret. I don't know what I've done to that damn machine. *angry*
Tosh
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: Would you like a Coffee?
---
That would have been too easy. Besides, the more I learn about you, the more I like you. Gwen has also told me about all of the wild things that you are actually into. Frankly I am surprised, but interested all the same. ;)
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re Would you like a coffee?
---
There's always been more to me than the techno-geek that everyone sees, I just don't go around broadcasting it to everyone.
Tosh
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: My Eyes
---
Hey, seeing as I am in charge here, I get to do what I want. You know you love it Toshy-woshy. Btw I have set camera 7's feed to display an extreme close-up of all the action ;).
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: *sigh*
---
Okay Okay, i'll go play Multiplayer Doom. Bleeding Tuesday night and I'm playing Online computer games. What am I? A pre-pubescent dork? Actually don't answer than one.
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Torchwood (All)
From: Jubilee Pizza
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Delivery Girl
---
Hey
Just letting you know we got an email from her. It's all good!
Oh and btw Gwen, me and Chaz only started working here 2 months ago and already we're Managers. Cool huh?!? Are you the brunette? Chaz thinks you're hot!!!!!
Chaz & Davo
Jubilee Pizza Senior Junior Managers
Central Cardiff Branch
"Duuuuude! Call us for a pizza today!"
********************
To: Ianto Jones
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: You're missing out...
---
Now me and Tosh are really getting down and dirty. We're videotaping it, we've got Janet in on it. We managed to get our dirty little mitts on Jack's collection of sex toys. We're having a great deal of fun with the double-ender that we found, oh and the funny shaped vibrating thingy. And the tight leather outfits. What's with the sports equipment though? Seriously?
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Require a Favour
---
Tosh, just under the coffee machine there is a small jar of a powder that resembles coffee marked 'do not touch - dangerous'. Please mix this up and give it to Owen. No, it won't kill him, but it will allow Jack and I to continue our dinner without my PDA going off every five seconds with mildly pornographic emails. Thank you.
Ianto
********************
To: Owen Harper
Form: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: *sigh*
---
Quit complaining. It's not as if my life is any better. You don't hear me whining about it. Why are you still here, any way? It's certainly not for my company. Have you been banned from your usual again?
Tosh
********************
To: Owen Harper
Form: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: peace offering
---
I've made you a fresh cup of coffee. :)
Tosh
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. Require a Favour
---
Ianto,
I've done it. I hope it works because I'm getting nothing done with him around.
Tosh
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Yes
---
Why do you think my pizza bill was so high? I got kicked out for not paying the rent. I've been sleeping at the Hub for the past six weeks. No thanks to the coffee though, it'll keep me up all night.
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Gwen
From: Your Hunk o' Lurv
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: [no subject]
---
Bloody email wont work, oh wait, there we go
Gwen, it's me your hunk o' man luv. I can't find my WifeSwap tape, did you tape over it?!? Idid the laundry but all your whites are pink dont know how that happened.
Your mam called here AGAIN about our upcoming 'do'. She says she cant reach you on your phone & she wants to talk about boring stuff like flowers and dresses.
Are you coming home tonight or do you have to work? I heard the jingle again today, can't believe I helped write it, it is so good. Anyway
Love you.
Rhys
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. Require a Favour
---
Ianto,
I'm sorry but he's refused to drink the coffee. Do you have any other suggestions? If Gwen were here, we could probably stun him and lock him up in a cell. It's just not something I can do by myself. I can stun him okay, but he's too heavy for me to drag.
Tosh
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. Require a Favour
---
Stunning him is most likely the best option if he will not take the coffee. I have a set of handcuffs sitting on my desk in the main Hub. No, they're not for that - I use them when I go out Weevil hunting.
Ianto
********************
To: Ianto Jones
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: For your eyes only.
---
Last chance Ianto. Last chance to get yourself some hot lot of man-power. Me, You, Jack, we could all bang each other senseless until the sun comes up in the morning. You know you want me to go, you pretend like you despise me, but I know the truth. I know fantasise about me naked, covered in oil, in a room filled with sports equipment. You got it in for me bad, and when you're banging Jack-stopwatch dangling from your neck-you're actually thinking about my pale, scrawny physique aren't you?
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Coffee
---
Hey Tosh, On second thoughts I think I might take that coffee after all, if only to see your pretty face :) .
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Torchwood
From: Fabulous Freddie's Floral Fantasia
Date 4 march 2008
Subject: HELP!!!
---
Jack? Tosh? It's Gwen, the florist is an alien, you've got to get me out of here!!!!
Oh god, I think it's realise I got out of the cold room.
HURRY!!!!
********************
To: Owen Harper
Form: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. Coffee
---
I'm on my way
Tosh
********************
To: Fabulous Freddie's Floral Fantasia
From: Ianto Jones
Date 4 march 2008
Subject: Re: HELP!!!
---
Gwen, Jack and I are on our way. We're not far from where you are so hang in there. In the meantime try to find out any more information so we know what we're dealing with.
Ianto
********************
To: Fabulous Freddie's Floral Fantasia
From: Toshiko Sato
Date 4 march 2008
Subject: Re: HELP!!!
---
Gwen,
We're on our way! Hold on!
Tosh
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Emergency Transmission
---
Screw the coffee Tosh, Gwen's in trouble. Get the SUV, I'll take my Honda.
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. Coffee
---
Owen,
Don't drink that coffee. We have work to do! If you don't hurry up, I'll be the one driving!
Tosh
********************
To: Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Florist From Hell
---
Jack and I are on our way to the florist. We should get there first and will head in, so you'll just need to back us up when we get there. I've asked Gwen to forward us anymore information so we know what we're dealing with when we get there. Jack says to maintain comm silence until you arrive. Oh, and apparently we get the back door, and you get the front.
Ianto
********************
To: Ianto Jones
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Coffee
---
Trying to get me with the old 'substance n64 in the coffee' trick eh? that stuff has cacogenic properties you know.
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Torchwood (All)
From: Fabulous Freddie's Floral Fantasia
Date: 4 march 2008
Subject: Re: HELP!!!
---
Damn idiot is determined I should have hydrangeas and gardenias in my bouquet and won't accept that I want roses dammit!!
He locked me in the cold room when I started yelling at him. Not sure where he's from but he's humanoid, fairly strong (in more ways than one... ever heard of the rotten meat flower from Africa??)
He's armed with an odd looking little thing that throws out some sort of parasitic flowerery thing which really stings. He got me on the arm.
I've barricaded the office door.
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Info
---
Ianto,
I'm just sending some info through. Apparently this isn't the first time these aliens have visited. Those parasitic things that Gwen mentioned are actually spores, so you'll want to avoid those at any cost.
Tosh
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: Info
---
Thanks for the information. I've let Jack know about the spores. It's yet to be seen if he actually listens and avoids getting himself killed again. That would be a great way to end the night - having to dry clean the blood of Jack's coat again.
We're almost there. How far off are you?
Ianto
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: Info
---
ETA about 10 mins. Had to make a detour past some road works.
Tosh
********************
To: All
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Arrived
---
Hey guys im here on the mobile im coming in thru the roof long story will tell later where is everybody anyway?
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Fabulous Freddie's Floral Fantasia
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 4 march 2008
Subject: Re: HELP!!!
---
Gwen, we're almost there. Jack and I are roughly three minutes away, and Owen and Tosh are just under 10 minutes away. Tosh says to keep away from the spores at all costs. Keep your head down until we arrive. Jack's going to take the alien head on, I'm going to come in and get you.
Ianto
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Here
---
I'm just about to pull up. What's the plan?
Tosh
*******************
Part Three continues in Part 3b
Part: 3 of 8
Author(s): cally73 (Toshiko), Clarrisani (Ianto), djpugsly (Owen), Obsessed7 (Gwen), QL (Random Others), Ruthyf (Jack)
Pairing(s): Multiple Pairings
Rating: R
Summary: Ianto discovers the SUV has a broken headlight...
Disclaimer: Not anyway connected to the BBC emails, just a bit of fun.
A/N: Written by a group of authors at the Torchwood Australian Forums for the "Torchwood Weekly Writing Challenge #4". I have permission from all those involved to reproduce this here. There are eight parts (one for each day). I will post a selection of links at the end of the final part to the original thread, the challenges, and also a selected few other links that might be of interested. Anyway, hope you enjoy.
A/N #2: With all the angst in the air at the moment, I decided to post this earlier than planned. Here's a little humour to lighten things up a bit.
Part One
Part Two
********************
To: All
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008 (7am)
Subject: Breakfast
---
Good morning everyone!
How are all my beloved staff on this bright and sunny morning? Oh I know it really isn't bright and sunny outside, but don't you think it just feels that way today??
Well the good news is the boss is in a ggrrreeeaaaatttt mood today, so I'm shouting everyone breakfast this morning.....Ianto will be along shortly with a wonderful selection of breakfast items for you all to indulge in......please meet us in the boardroom in 30 minutes.
Have a great day.
From a very happy boss
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Last night
---
Wow, what a night hey Ianto? One of our most memorable I'd say......
Just wanted to let you know that I won't forget it in a hurry. And yep you certainly know how to put me in a good mood.
By the way, I'm going to the movies tonight - off to see The Bucket List - it looks pretty good; wanna come? We could sit in the back row for a bit of nooky yeah?
Jack
********************
To: Prime Minister's Office
From: Captain Jack Harkness - Torchwood
bcc: Torchwood (All)
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Torchwood Finances
Status: Classified
---
Dear Prime Minister
May I remind you that if it weren't for Torchwood, alien activity would run amok in Cardiff. So I don't believe shutting us down is a good solution to the financial situation, do you? Imagine the cost of trying to control alien forces with inexperienced personnel at the helm. What would you do? Send in the armed forces to blunder in and create additional chaos?
And I think not allowing a budget for technology is short sighted to say the least. Without upgraded computer systems, up to date communications, and the latest you beaut gizmos, we can't operate effectively and do what we do best.
Regarding the 1379 Pound 16p that has been billed, we wish to advise that we have had to entertain a number of government dignitaries over the last 12 months - these "meetings" were held so we could justify our financial position to them, and to ensure we could continue to qualify for future government support, so we feel quite within our rights to now claim back costs for entertainment expenses.
For your information, our Ianto Jones will be completing the grant funding forms (for review) and submitting them within the next week.
Prime Minister, any time you would like to visit our "neck of the woods" to see what we actually do in a day, feel free to drop in. You will quickly realise just how important Torchwood is to Cardiff, the UK, and the entire world for that matter.
Yours sincerely
Captain Jack Harkness
********************
To: All
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. Prime Minister's email - Torchwood Finances
-----
Ok, now that I have addressed the PM's email, there will be no further talk of anyone having to prostitute themselves "for the cause".
Jack
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re Breakfast
---
Jack,
How lovely of you to shout breakfast for us. :) Thank goodness I only had time for a quick cup of tea before I came in. I take it then that you had a very good night?
If the Prime Minister doesn't relent on the technology budget, I still think Owen should be prostituted out. How am I supposed to work with out-dated equipment? I don't ask for much. My systems are long overdue for an upgrade.
I think I can smell breakfast already.
See you soon.
Tosh
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re Breakfast
---
Tosh,
As long as you enjoy breakfast, that is the main thing....ah yes, you could say I had an exceptional night actually ;)
We'll see what response we get from the PM's office....prostituting Owen? Well it could be a bit of fun I guess.
Jack
********************
To: All
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: private cd collection
---
Ok who is the culprit? Some of my cds are missing - predominantly the show tune ones, but a Celine Dion one as well which is a personal fave.
C'mon kids, fess up!
If you want a loan, just ask next time. You know that I will know if any are missing, because they are all alphabetised.
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re private cd collection
---
Jack, while I can't answer to the whereabouts of all your cds, I can inform you that we (Ianto, Gwen, Owen and myself) made a collective agreement to confiscate the Celine Dion one. We know that you are a big fan of hers, but the rest of us are not. Once through is bad enough, but to put it on repeat for an entire day? That was torture. I'd rather listen to an Owen/Janet duet. I'm not sure who actually took the cd, but it's safe to say that it won't be around any time soon.
Breakfast was just lovely, thank you very much!
Tosh
********************
To: All
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re private cd collection
---
Further to my earlier email regarding my cds, there is a rumour going around that my Celine Dion cd has been confiscated, due to excessive play time.
If the said cd is returned, there will be no backlash. But, if it isn't returned in the foreseeable future, there will be a penalty to pay for such a hideous act of theft. Celine is my fave and you all should've known better.
Kids I just shouted you a great breakfast so if karma is kind to me I should get my Celine cd returned very soon.
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Hunt
Hey Ianto,
With Easter fast approaching, I thought it would be FUN to have an Easter Egg hunt in the hub.....can you organise the purchase of a stack of eggs, and send around the appropriate emails to notify the team of the hunt?
Thanks hun!
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. Hunt
And Ianto, I expect you to wear that bunny outfit again too :)
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: the team
Hey Tosh,
Any ideas where everyone has snuck off to? No one seems to be floating around at present......are they off on a mission I don't know about? (perhaps trying to replace my Celine Dion cd?????)
********************
To: All
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: the missing pizza girl
---
Since Jubilee Pizza doesn't seem to be too keen on letting go on their missing pizza girl, I'll send them a fake email. Hopefully it will do the trick, otherwise I'll work on something more sophisticated. Not wanting to sound like a techno-snob, but they're only pizza makers after all.
Tosh
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: re the team
---
I'm not sure where everyone's gone. I think I saw Ianto heading for the archives. He certainly looks tired this morning. ;)
Tosh
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: re the team
---
Yes Ianto may actually be trying to get some shut eye down there. He didn't get a lot of sleep last night.
Jack
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: the missing pizza girl
---
Good idea Tosh re the fake email - I've been meaning to respond to their emails, but the PM's one took precedence.
Thanks for following this up for me.
********************
To: All
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: shopping
Hey Kids,
I'm just popping out for awhile as I have some birthday shopping to do. Plus I had heard there has been a new Celine Dion cd just released, so I'm eager to have a listen.....
Should be back in a couple of hours.
Jack
********************
To: Jubilee Pizza
From: Annie
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Hi!
---
Hi guys! Long time no see. Sorry for leaving you in the lurch like that. You see, I had to leave in a hurry. I'd been seeing this guy and well, things happened. I couldn't tell my parents so we eloped. Anyway, all's good. When I get my self organised, I'll send some photos of our baby boy.
Annie
********************
To: Gwen Cooper, Ianto Jones, Owen Harper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Earplugs
---
I've got some spare earplugs if anyone needs them.
Tosh
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Many Things
---
Tosh just stuck her head into the archives looking for me, so I thought I should let you know that I'm catching up on some filing. Since I've been going out with the team I've fallen behind so I've been using my free time to fix things up. Gwen has a tendency to put things back in the wrong place.
Thank you for breakfast this morning. I really could not be bothered having to arrange everyone’s food. You really did wear me out last night. I must ask - is it possible to wear you out? I'm beginning to run out of ideas on how to do it. I really thought I had you last night, but given your energy this morning it would appear I was wrong.
I've also finished the forms for the Prime Minister and will drop them into his office this afternoon. I think his receptionist and a couple of the other staff might have a thing for me, so I am sure they will be accepted without incident.
I have ordered the Easter Eggs, and will pick them up tonight. I will be sure to place them somewhere where Owen won't be able to find them this year, and where Myfanwy won't get into them. The vault should do it, I think. And there is no way I am wearing that bunny outfit this year. I still am yet to work out how you convinced me to wear it last year.
And on a final note - you buy that Celine Dion CD and there will be no sex for a month. And that's a promise.
Ianto
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: He's trying it again
---
Tosh, do you remember that ridiculous bunny outfit Jack made me wear last year? He just asked me to wear it again. And here I thought he wouldn't go so low, given my reaction last year. So, since you won our bet I'll take you out to dinner as promised. You pick the place, and don't worry about the price.
Also, I just found that file you were looking for yesterday. It had been put back in the wrong place, as I had expected. I will leave it on your desk when I make the next coffee round.
Nice work with the Jubilee Pizza order. If you need any assistance, let me know. And I might grab a couple of those spare earplugs. You never know when you need them.
Ianto
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. Many Things
---
Filing hey, is that what you call it? I'm sure you've been snoozing down there my friend.
I'm afraid I have to inform you that you should give up trying to wear me out. It just isn't going to happen. So don't worry your pretty head about it - just enjoy the ride! Sorry if I wear you out (well I'm not really as it is a lot of fun).
Thank you for completing those forms for the PM - at least that will get them off our back for awhile. I'm sure the staff there do "have a thing" for you; I personally know all about your attributes and they are missing out I must say.
Yes please ensure that Owen (and Myfanwy) don't get their mits (or beak) on those Easter eggs. Oh c'mon hun, I want to see that bunny outfit again - of course, we could do a private viewing ;)
Um, with regards to Celine baby, as long as I don't play it in your presence, can we review the no sex policy?
Jack (now sorry that he bought another Celine cd)
********************
To: All
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: More SUV Problems
---
So, I finally got around to fixing the headlight and noticed a couple of things:
Firstly, it would appear that someone left the lights on as now the battery is flat. I am currently recharging it so no one can use the SUV for the next few hours.
Secondly, there is a sizable scrape along the left rear passenger door that was not there two days ago.
Third, would someone care to explain to me how a piece of fish ended up in the rear compartment.
Fourth, has anyone misplace a g-string recently.
Fifth, Owen, put the knob back on the gear shift. It is not funny.
Sixth, Jack, stop eating in the car! I'm tired of having to clean the jam off the steering wheel.
Seventh, please tell me the white stain on the back seat is more food and/or drink.
Eight, when it runs low on fuel, fill it up. It's rather awkward having to have the SUV towed through Cardiff. We have enough people talking as it is.
Well, that's what I've noticed so far. I am sure that I will discover more things as I continue to inspect the SUV. Might I remind you that it is vital that the SUV is in peak working condition in case of an emergency, and it takes everyone looking after it to keep it that way.
Thank you.
Ianto
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. Many Things
---
Yes, filing. I do work you know, unlike some other people whose names I shall not mention.
You do realise that I do enjoy a challenge, and I am sure that I will discover your secret one of these days. And I do believe it was you who had the 'ride' last night. At least at some stages.
There will be no bunny outfit, and if I even see the Celine Dion CD, no sex. Period.
Ianto
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. More SUV Problems
---
Um, I'd say more than likely the g-string fell out of my Sexpo bag of goodies.....can I have it back?
Noted re the jam - I promise never to do it again! Well, that is, I hope I remember not to do it again. I'll try anyway.
Mmmm, the white stain on the back seat, well let me put it this way, it isn't food or drink
I'll try to behave in future, and I'll consider myself chastised. Is there a possible punishment that you have in mind for me?
And by the way, are you coming to that movie with me tonight?
Jack
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. Many Things
---
I know you work very hard Ianto, very hard......in fact, I love your work ethic.
Mmmm, I think the "riding" was enjoyed by both parties, don't you?
Please please please wear the bunny outfit - you look so cute in it, and it is a definite turn on - you won't be disappointed.....
Consider the Celine cd gone - thrown out - kaput - out the window - nowhere to be seen.......she's outta here......
Love ya.
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Gwen Cooper
Date: 03 Mar 2008
Subject: RE: Many Things
---
Thanks Ianto, that sounds great. I'll pop round with my share of the pizza money in about half an hour and then you can show me the CCTV thing and do what ever you need to do with my computer.
Oh, and the radio... why do you think I leave it on? ;)
Gwen
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. More SUV Problems
---
*sigh* Sir, what have I told you about the back seat. You really weren't that eager to try out those toys, were you? You could have at least waited until you were in your room, or at the very least my place. You do have a key after all.
I am sure I can come up with a form of punishment. I think I will start with 'no coffee for two hours, no sex for four'. And I might come see that movie with you. I have been meaning to see that one.
As an advanced warning, I do owe Tosh dinner at some stage. I will let you know what night so that you can avoid making plans.
Ianto
********************
To: Ianto Jones; Toshiko Sato
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: this afternoon
---
Do you need me for anything this afternoon? I have to go out again, and am happy to be the errand boy if anyone needs anything picked up whilst I'm out and about.
By the way, I will only be back in for a short while and then out for the evening, so please email me asap if you need anything followed up before I disappear again.
Jack
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: In Regards to the Bunny Outfit
---
No
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Gwen Cooper
Date: 03 Mar 2008
Subject: RE: tonight
---
Ok, I have something else to do for an hour or so now, so the usual pub about eight sound ok?
Gwen
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. More SUV Problems
---
That isn't exactly the form of punishment I had in mind *pouts*.
You wait until after that movie tonight - yours is coming young man!
And that's a promise.....
Jack
********************
To: Gwen Cooper
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 03 Mar 2008
Subject: RE: Many Things
---
Oh, no particular reason. ;)
I will finish showing you how the CCTV works when you stop by. I do have plans for the evening, so make it soon.
Ianto
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. In Regards to the Bunny Outfit
---
Bugger.
What if I put it on, huh?
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Gwen Cooper
Date: 03 March 2008
Subject: Re: Secrets
---
Sounds like the kind of sick joke Owen would play in my opinion. I'm sure he'll deny it until he's blue in the face though.
Gwen
********************
To: Gwen Cooper
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: Secrets
---
Gwen,
You are probably right re Owen - I think he does have a secret Teletubbies fetish anyway - it would be so like him!
Jack
********************
To: Jubilee Pizza
From: Gwen Cooper (Torchwood)
Date: 03 Mar 2008
Subject: Re: Payment
---
Dear Chaz and Davo,
I don't think much of your staff management if it takes you an entire year to chase up the disappearance of one delivery girl.
I checked police records and it seems the poor girl was mugged on her way back to your shop, and, also according to police records, you were notified at the time.
Gwen Cooper.
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. In Regards to the Bunny Outfit
---
NO!
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Gwen Cooper
Date: 03 March 2008
Subject: Re: Be careful
---
Bloody hell Owen!! Don't even think about it when you're writing emails!! You do know Ianto has access to all our accounts don't you? He's the bloody network administrator for fuck's sake!!
Gwen
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. In Regards to the Bunny Outfit
---
Are you telling me that I have to find someone else to wear the bunny outfit for me then? Huh????
********************
To: All
From: Gwen Cooper
Date: 03 March 2008
Subject: Re: Prime Minister's Email
---
I'm with you Ianto :)
Gwen
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. In Regards to the Bunny Outfit
---
*glares*
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. In Regards to the Bunny Outfit
---
I love it when you get cranky.......
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. In Regards to the Bunny Outfit
---
The only action you're going to get tonight will entirely depend on how much is in the movie, as on screen is the only place you will be getting it from.
********************
To: All
From: Gwen Cooper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Bloody email...
---
Sorry everyone, all the fiddling around with my computer last night seemed to make it hiccup and all my mail's only just come through.
Tosh, what did you send to Jubilee Pizza as I just informed them of the fake police report we planted last year. Told them they had terrible staff management if it took them that long to look for a missing staff member anyway.
Gwen
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. In Regards to the Bunny Outfit
---
*sobs*
Boy you are cranky......c'mon Ianto, I'm sure I can work out a way to make you happy again.
I can take a hint (eventually), no more mention of the bunny outfit - better still, how about we get Owen to wear it on egg hunt day?
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Gwen Cooper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: Secrets
---
I think it's the bright colours - appeals to his juvenile nature ;)
Gwen
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. In Regards to the Bunny Outfit
---
I could always make it no sex for a week, simply for planting the image of Owen in that outfit in my head.
********************
To: All
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: going now
---
Ok kids, I'm going out for awhile.....do you need anything before I go?
I gather Owen and Tosh have nicked off somewhere (?)
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Gwen Cooper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: going now
---
Actually can you give me a lift Jack, I need to pop out too. Florist.
I'll meet you in the top office.
Gwen
********************
To: Gwen Cooper
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: going now
---
No probs Gwen - I'll be there in 5.
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Movie
---
I'll be back a bit later Ianto - probably leave the hub tonight around 6.15pm and go straight to the cinema - I gather that is ok with you.....perhaps we'll get a bite to eat after the movie (that is if we don't have an appetite for something else instead).
Jack
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: A Favour
---
Jack, do you think you might be able to pop by the store and pick up the Easter Eggs I ordered? If you don't have time I could do it later.
Ianto
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. A Favour
---
Not a prob - I'll pick them up just before I return to the hub, to ensure they don't melt in the SUV - it is a bit warm out there today. I'm on my way out now and will stop in to ask you about the store details etc.
I've always got time to do things for you Ianto, you know that.
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: Movie
---
It sounds good to me. I'll see you then. And eating works, since I am currently withholding dessert. You have far too much as it is.
Ianto
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: Movie
---
Ok we're outta here at 6.15pm. I'm sure we can work something out about dessert, surely!
I've picked up the eggs - have you found the boxes yet?
********************
To: All
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Jack's back!
---
Hi Kids, I'm back!
I'll be only checking my email intermittently as I have a stack of files to go through, before I leave today.....Jack's got a hot date tonight, YAY for me!
Later on this evening, I may come back online (depends on how lucky I get I guess), as I can come in remotely to check my mail. So if you need to reach me, I'll endeavour to check my email some time throughout the evening.
Jack (the happy camper ;) )
********************
To: Gwen Cooper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. Bloody email...
---
Gwen,
I just made it sound as if she got herself knocked up and then eloped. Your email shouldn't raise any extra suspicion. Because I set up the fake account, I can answer any questions they may have.
Tosh
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. He's trying it again
---
Poor Ianto. I guess this is one bet I should have lost. But, you did look very cute in it. That fluffy little tail, those long ears... *cough* sorry, got a little carried away there. *g*
Personally, I think it would be more fitting on Jack - he's like the duracell bunny - keeps on going and going. lol!
You're an angel for finding that file for me. What would we ever do without you? :)
As for the dinner, how about that little Italian place around the corner? They do a wonderful risotto, and despite how close it is, I hardly ever get to it.
Tosh
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: g-string
---
Ianto,
I think the g-string might be mine. However, it's NOT what you might think. It's probably from the other morning when I was running late for work. I wore the same jeans that I had the day before. I should have checked them before I put them on, because as I was hurrying along the pavement, my g-string fell out of the bottom of my jeans. I was absolutely mortified. I snatched them up and put them in my handbag. We got that weevil call straight away so I never had the chance to put my bag away. Since Jack was driving, they must have fallen out along with half the contents of my bag, as we swerved around corners. I obviously missed them when I gathered everything else up.
Tosh (who's now feeling extremely embarrassed)
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: g-string
---
Tosh, I've just noticed your message on Ianto's email. Unfortunately (for you) I have laid claim to this item, as I was missing an article from my Sexpo bag.
So sorry, it was mine not yours.
How are you going with those new weevil files I gave you to upload?
Jack
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: g-string
---
Jack,
If that wasn't mine, then where's mine? It's bad enough that someone else is privy to my embarrassing moment, but now I've lost my favourite g-string.
Tosh
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Captain Jack Harkness
cc: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: g-string
---
Ianto,
Any chance there was another g-string found in the SUV?
The one you gave to me was definitely mine, but Tosh's is still missing - perhaps someone has shoved them in the glove box?
Jack
********************
To: All
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Dinner
---
I'm just popping out for some food. Would anyone like me to pick up anything while I'm at it?
Tosh
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Dinner
---
No thanks Tosh, I won't be here for much longer - got that hot date tonight.....
Thanks anyway.
********************
To: All
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: tonight
---
Hey kiddies,
Well I'm hitting the shower and getting ready to go out, so I'm pretty well not available for most of the evening :)
So behave yourselves and don't get up to too much mischief without me.
Have a good night.
Jack
(and I hope this time that "all hell doesn't break loose" like the last time I was absent Roll Eyes)
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: Movie
---
Okay, I'm all set to go. I'm taking my PDA with me just in case we're needed. Things usually tend to fall apart when we're both out.
I'm all set for the eggs, and I will just send Tosh an email about the g-string. I did find another one, just not in the SUV...
Ianto
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: g-string
---
Tosh, I did manage to find another g-string. I found it just inside the door of the garage, so I'm assuming you dropped it then.
In regards to that dinner I owe, how does tomorrow night sound? Unless of course you have other arrangements. And I'll pass on the food. I'm Jack's 'hot date' after all.
Ianto
P.S. Jack did offer to wear that bunny suit, but I threatened to take away one of his life loves if he even tried it.
********************
To: All
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Tonight
---
I'm out for a couple of hours tonight, but I will be taking my PDA with me. I must reinforce that any need to contact me must be for an emergency only, not just because you need caffeine or can't find a file.
Ianto
********************
To: Ianto Jones (my hot stud ;) )
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. Tonight
---
I'll be with you in about 15.......can't wait.......love ya!
Jack
********************
To: All
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: dinner
---
If any one needs me, I'll be eating dinner in the boardroom. I'm going to be working late tonight.
Tosh
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Video Feed
---
Hey Tosh, my video feed to Janet's cell has gone down. Do something about it will ya?
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. Video Feed
---
There, it should now be up and running. If you didn't keep hitting the wrong buttons there wouldn't be a problem!
Tosh
********************
To: Ianto Jones
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Caffeine fix...
---
Hey Ianto, how do I operate the coffee machine? Should it make a banging, grinding noise? Can I borrow one of your suits? I fell in the water again. Hey, how’s Jack? Say hi to Jack for me. Also, how do I get Pterodactyl shit from the couch? Thanks mate.
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: g-string
---
Thanks Ianto. :) I was more worried that Owen had picked it up. Tomorrow night sounds fine to me.
Tosh
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: Video Feed
---
Thanks Tosh. Um, You know, I like to keep an eye on her. While I'm watching the football, I mean. You know cause if she got out she's got the big nasty claws, those sharp pointy teeth, the growl, that growling... Long story short I definitely don't have a thing for Janet. Definitely.
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Ianto Jones
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Fridge
---
Hey Ianto, I think the fridge is broken. It smells funny, and there's water leaking all over the floor. Hey where's the mop again? Oh well can't find it, guess I'll have to wait for you to return. Tosh says hi, I told her she could tell you herself, just fire off an email. Hey which part of the rift machine am I not to touch again?
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. Video Feed
---
You know, Owen, sometimes you protest just a little too much regarding you fondness for a certain hub resident. Are you sure there isn't anything more going on?
Tosh
********************
To: Owen Harper
Form: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: don't annoy Ianto
---
You better not be sending off emails to Ianto. I told you that he was out for the evening. Give the guy a break! Any one would think that you couldn't be apart from him for 2 mins. Have you got a crush on him?
Tosh
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: don't annoy Ianto
---
Are you serious? Give it a rest Tosh. I don't need anyone in this hub. Anyone. But if you want to give me a hand annoying Ianto...
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Ianto Jones
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Johnnies
---
Hey Ianto, I'm about to get lucky with Gwen and Tosh. Where do you keep your stash of johnnies? I've been all through your stuff but I can't seem to find them.
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: don't annoy Ianto
---
Some weevil has really crawled up your butt tonight. I'm not going to help you annoy Ianto - he's been flat out these past few days. I will help you get Gwen though, since she's hardly been around. I'm supposed to be working on some weevil files that Jack's sent me. I've sent you copies of things you might find of interest for your research.
Tosh
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: don't annoy Ianto
---
Oh come on, it's just you and me Tosh, are really that much of a geek that while everyone else is out having fun, you're stuck in here doing what Jack wants you to do? Hey, I've got an idea, let's raid Jack's collection of sex toys.
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: don't annoy Ianto
---
I'm NOT raiding someone else's sex toys! That is just revolting. Okay, if you're that bored, I know where Ianto has archived some alien porn. That's unless Jack has managed to find it first. Why are you still here anyway? I thought that you would have had a hot date or something.
Tosh
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: don't annoy Ianto
---
I did. But she.. ok I didn't. But I am quite fond of office sex, and seeing as it's just you and me...
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: don't annoy Ianto
---
I have no intention of being just another notch on your bedpost. I'm not just going to jump into bed with you just because no one else is around.
Tosh
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Would you like a coffee?
---
I'm going to brave Ianto's pride and joy. I think tonight's going to be a long night. Shall I make you a cup while I'm at it. Ianto has been giving me lessons, so it should be relatively palatable.
Tosh
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: Would you like a coffee?
---
Spoil sport. Ianto was game. and Gwen. and Jack would have been. Plus it wouldn't have to necessarily be a one night stand.
Oh and a cup of coffee would be great. Perhaps you could bring it up wearing nothing but your G-string...
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re Would you like a coffee?
---
How do you know I wear a g-string? On second thoughts, maybe I don't want to know.
Tosh
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: I think I broke it!
---
Owen, help! I've done something to the machine and I can't work out what it is. I'm sure that I did everything Ianto told me to. Everything was going okay and then it made a rattling sound and all it's lights went out. Please come down and help me fix it.
Tosh
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: Would you like a Coffee?
---
Gwen let it slip that you and her wear the same brand of g-string ;). Oh and I happened to spot it falling out of your handbag on the CCTV
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Ianto Jones
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: *kiss*
---
Hey Ianto, I'm getting a little bit hot and bothered sitting here, all alone. I'm thinking about that other night in the archive room. I'm unloosening my pants. I'm touching myself. It feels really good. Ianto, are you going to come here and satisfy me? my wittle Ianty-wanty *kiss*
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re Would you like a coffee?
---
I should have known Gwen would have had something to do with it. I hate to think what else she's told you. You could have told me I'd dropped it.
Tosh
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: My eyes!
---
Good grief! If you're going to do that, you could at least put a "Do Not Disturb" sign up! I nearly spilt the coffee. All this talk of women's underwear getting you hot and bothered? It's only instant I'm afraid. I got a couple of sample sachets in a magazine, so technically haven't gone against Ianto's ruling of no cans of instant. It will just have to be our little secret. I don't know what I've done to that damn machine. *angry*
Tosh
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: Would you like a Coffee?
---
That would have been too easy. Besides, the more I learn about you, the more I like you. Gwen has also told me about all of the wild things that you are actually into. Frankly I am surprised, but interested all the same. ;)
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re Would you like a coffee?
---
There's always been more to me than the techno-geek that everyone sees, I just don't go around broadcasting it to everyone.
Tosh
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: My Eyes
---
Hey, seeing as I am in charge here, I get to do what I want. You know you love it Toshy-woshy. Btw I have set camera 7's feed to display an extreme close-up of all the action ;).
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: *sigh*
---
Okay Okay, i'll go play Multiplayer Doom. Bleeding Tuesday night and I'm playing Online computer games. What am I? A pre-pubescent dork? Actually don't answer than one.
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Torchwood (All)
From: Jubilee Pizza
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Delivery Girl
---
Hey
Just letting you know we got an email from her. It's all good!
Oh and btw Gwen, me and Chaz only started working here 2 months ago and already we're Managers. Cool huh?!? Are you the brunette? Chaz thinks you're hot!!!!!
Chaz & Davo
Jubilee Pizza Senior Junior Managers
Central Cardiff Branch
"Duuuuude! Call us for a pizza today!"
********************
To: Ianto Jones
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: You're missing out...
---
Now me and Tosh are really getting down and dirty. We're videotaping it, we've got Janet in on it. We managed to get our dirty little mitts on Jack's collection of sex toys. We're having a great deal of fun with the double-ender that we found, oh and the funny shaped vibrating thingy. And the tight leather outfits. What's with the sports equipment though? Seriously?
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Require a Favour
---
Tosh, just under the coffee machine there is a small jar of a powder that resembles coffee marked 'do not touch - dangerous'. Please mix this up and give it to Owen. No, it won't kill him, but it will allow Jack and I to continue our dinner without my PDA going off every five seconds with mildly pornographic emails. Thank you.
Ianto
********************
To: Owen Harper
Form: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: *sigh*
---
Quit complaining. It's not as if my life is any better. You don't hear me whining about it. Why are you still here, any way? It's certainly not for my company. Have you been banned from your usual again?
Tosh
********************
To: Owen Harper
Form: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: peace offering
---
I've made you a fresh cup of coffee. :)
Tosh
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. Require a Favour
---
Ianto,
I've done it. I hope it works because I'm getting nothing done with him around.
Tosh
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Yes
---
Why do you think my pizza bill was so high? I got kicked out for not paying the rent. I've been sleeping at the Hub for the past six weeks. No thanks to the coffee though, it'll keep me up all night.
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Gwen
From: Your Hunk o' Lurv
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: [no subject]
---
Bloody email wont work, oh wait, there we go
Gwen, it's me your hunk o' man luv. I can't find my WifeSwap tape, did you tape over it?!? Idid the laundry but all your whites are pink dont know how that happened.
Your mam called here AGAIN about our upcoming 'do'. She says she cant reach you on your phone & she wants to talk about boring stuff like flowers and dresses.
Are you coming home tonight or do you have to work? I heard the jingle again today, can't believe I helped write it, it is so good. Anyway
Love you.
Rhys
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. Require a Favour
---
Ianto,
I'm sorry but he's refused to drink the coffee. Do you have any other suggestions? If Gwen were here, we could probably stun him and lock him up in a cell. It's just not something I can do by myself. I can stun him okay, but he's too heavy for me to drag.
Tosh
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. Require a Favour
---
Stunning him is most likely the best option if he will not take the coffee. I have a set of handcuffs sitting on my desk in the main Hub. No, they're not for that - I use them when I go out Weevil hunting.
Ianto
********************
To: Ianto Jones
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: For your eyes only.
---
Last chance Ianto. Last chance to get yourself some hot lot of man-power. Me, You, Jack, we could all bang each other senseless until the sun comes up in the morning. You know you want me to go, you pretend like you despise me, but I know the truth. I know fantasise about me naked, covered in oil, in a room filled with sports equipment. You got it in for me bad, and when you're banging Jack-stopwatch dangling from your neck-you're actually thinking about my pale, scrawny physique aren't you?
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Coffee
---
Hey Tosh, On second thoughts I think I might take that coffee after all, if only to see your pretty face :) .
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Torchwood
From: Fabulous Freddie's Floral Fantasia
Date 4 march 2008
Subject: HELP!!!
---
Jack? Tosh? It's Gwen, the florist is an alien, you've got to get me out of here!!!!
Oh god, I think it's realise I got out of the cold room.
HURRY!!!!
********************
To: Owen Harper
Form: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. Coffee
---
I'm on my way
Tosh
********************
To: Fabulous Freddie's Floral Fantasia
From: Ianto Jones
Date 4 march 2008
Subject: Re: HELP!!!
---
Gwen, Jack and I are on our way. We're not far from where you are so hang in there. In the meantime try to find out any more information so we know what we're dealing with.
Ianto
********************
To: Fabulous Freddie's Floral Fantasia
From: Toshiko Sato
Date 4 march 2008
Subject: Re: HELP!!!
---
Gwen,
We're on our way! Hold on!
Tosh
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Emergency Transmission
---
Screw the coffee Tosh, Gwen's in trouble. Get the SUV, I'll take my Honda.
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re. Coffee
---
Owen,
Don't drink that coffee. We have work to do! If you don't hurry up, I'll be the one driving!
Tosh
********************
To: Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Florist From Hell
---
Jack and I are on our way to the florist. We should get there first and will head in, so you'll just need to back us up when we get there. I've asked Gwen to forward us anymore information so we know what we're dealing with when we get there. Jack says to maintain comm silence until you arrive. Oh, and apparently we get the back door, and you get the front.
Ianto
********************
To: Ianto Jones
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Coffee
---
Trying to get me with the old 'substance n64 in the coffee' trick eh? that stuff has cacogenic properties you know.
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Torchwood (All)
From: Fabulous Freddie's Floral Fantasia
Date: 4 march 2008
Subject: Re: HELP!!!
---
Damn idiot is determined I should have hydrangeas and gardenias in my bouquet and won't accept that I want roses dammit!!
He locked me in the cold room when I started yelling at him. Not sure where he's from but he's humanoid, fairly strong (in more ways than one... ever heard of the rotten meat flower from Africa??)
He's armed with an odd looking little thing that throws out some sort of parasitic flowerery thing which really stings. He got me on the arm.
I've barricaded the office door.
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Info
---
Ianto,
I'm just sending some info through. Apparently this isn't the first time these aliens have visited. Those parasitic things that Gwen mentioned are actually spores, so you'll want to avoid those at any cost.
Tosh
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: Info
---
Thanks for the information. I've let Jack know about the spores. It's yet to be seen if he actually listens and avoids getting himself killed again. That would be a great way to end the night - having to dry clean the blood of Jack's coat again.
We're almost there. How far off are you?
Ianto
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Re: Info
---
ETA about 10 mins. Had to make a detour past some road works.
Tosh
********************
To: All
Form: Owen Harper
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Arrived
---
Hey guys im here on the mobile im coming in thru the roof long story will tell later where is everybody anyway?
Dr Owen Harper
********************
To: Fabulous Freddie's Floral Fantasia
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 4 march 2008
Subject: Re: HELP!!!
---
Gwen, we're almost there. Jack and I are roughly three minutes away, and Owen and Tosh are just under 10 minutes away. Tosh says to keep away from the spores at all costs. Keep your head down until we arrive. Jack's going to take the alien head on, I'm going to come in and get you.
Ianto
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 04 March 2008
Subject: Here
---
I'm just about to pull up. What's the plan?
Tosh
*******************
Part Three continues in Part 3b