Time and the Rani
Previous: Season 23: The Trial of a Time Lord Parts 13-14: The Ultimate Foe
Time and the Rani
And here we have our cold opening! Who's shooting at the TARDIS? Who's that mysterious alien watching? Why is the TARDIS riding a rainbow?
(no seriously, what's up with that rainbow)
Oh. Oh right. Goodbye, Six. That...that really sucks. That really...REALLY sucks. But on the other hand, SEVEN!
There's always a weird sort of sadness that comes with watching Seven's opening titles because you think "Classic Who is almost over."
Also, I can't believe I skipped "Leave the girl, it's the man I want." RANIIIIIIIIIII.
Huh. I don't remember her being left-handed, or having that giant mole on her nose.
Is it just me, or does the female alien here sound almost exactly like the prophet girl from Kinda?
"AH, that was a nice nap. Now, down to business!" HI SYLVESTER.
Wow. The Doctor is astonishingly competent for a post-regeneration story. Aside from the whole memory-loss thing.
Somewhat-insanely upbeat techno music, and a sparkle-canon. Yup, this is the late 80s.
Mel what are you wearing what was that bubble and the screaming and a s'plosion well okay then.
Oh. And, uh, thanks for showing us the skeleton and everything.
Um, wait. If the Rani wants Seven to have amnesia, WHY is she dressing up like Mel? Wouldn't that help jog his memory or something?
"AH Who's that?"
"Me!"
"No, standing next to you!"
"That's YOU, Doctor!"
"ME? No wonder I've lost my memory..."
Oohhhh, I think I get it now. She's tricking Seven into thinking he was working on something so he'll unknowingly fix HER machine.
Mel, I'm impressed. Several explosions in this episode so far and you haven't screamed yet.
Ways you can tell this place is really a quarry: 1) Rocks. 2) TIRE TRACKS.
"Why I chose you as an assistant, I'll never know." Which reminds me, do we ever find out how Mel came aboard the TARDIS?
*checks Wikipedia* Ah, we do. Gary Russell's PDA Business Unusual.
"Well, what is it you want?"
"Well look at me! Mop my brow!"
Wow. I can just about feel the Rani's impatience radiating off the screen.
Find mysterious green spoons in a machine you're fixing. Natural reaction: play said spoons.
I'm surprised that Mel's getting exhausted. I thought she was supposed to be the resident fitness geek.
The Laykertyans all seem to run without moving their arms. They just sort of...flop. OH MY GOD THEY'RE NINJAS FROM THE NARUTO-VERSE.
(Seriously. If you've ever watched Naruto, you'll notice that they have this same weird arm-less way of running)
When your Doctor becomes stubborn and uncooperative, just give him another dose of Mysterious Evil Substance and ZING!
"Perhaps this is my new persona: sulky, bad-tempered." No, generally that was your old persona.
Oh, never mind, the Mysterious Evil (Purple) Substance never gets drunk. Drunken? Drank? Dammit, I'm an English major, I should know this...
Actually, I probably shouldn't have mentioned that. I'm going to be arrested by the Grammar Police now for comma abuse.
"The more I know me, the less I like me." It's okay, Doctor. Save the self-pity for after the Time War.
Kate O'Mara seems to be copying a lot of Mel's physical tics, too. But that's weird, I don't think the Rani's ever met Mel before.
Clothing Selection Scene! A fond farewell to the Amazing Technicolor Nightmare Coat...
Tom's coat! "Old hat."
Pertwee's velvet! "Not frilled."
Petey's crickets! "How's that? Would that bowl a maiden over?"
Trout's bearskin! *flash*
PARADE OF QUESTION MARKS! "Yes! Yes! Yes! Very elegant!"
"Thank goodness in this regeneration I've regained my impeccable sense of haute couture."
*dramatic Seven-stare* *transition between Mel's and the Rani's faces* ...okay, that was fuckin' creepy.
So I still don't understand how Mel's BLINDINGLY WHITE pants only got stained once from being dragged around in the dirt repeatedly.
And the Rani was able to tap into Tetrap-vision through the TARDIS scanner...how? #becauseitstheTARDIS #itdoeseverything
Trapped in a bubble and...somehow still not exploded from one crash like the other was? ...okay...
This must've been the Mel-in-the-bubble scene that the TARDIS Tavern folks were saying would drive you to drink.
Oh wow. I just realized: Seven's neckerchief-thing is almost the same tartan as Jamie's kilt. #SCOTTISHAGENDA
Freedom! And hug tiem! And s'plosions!
"And another thing: why was the Rani dressed like you, Mel?"
"Perhaps she's fashion-conscious."
#the80s
Okay, so when are they going to explain what that red gloopy substance is?
Suddenly A TETRAP.
It sounds like it's becoming harder and harder for the Rani to walk around Seven's gradual inching-closer-to of the truth.
I have to admit, I actually rather like the make-up work on the Laykersyans.
More Seven with spoons! I'm glad I finally get to see that.
Oh wow. The Rani's trap backfired and SHE was the one who got caught in the Tetrap's glitter gun. 80s fashion is a dangerous thing, kids.
OKAY MEL JUST FLIPPED THE DOCTOR AND LOOKS ABOUT READY TO FROGMARCH HIM. THAT IS ACTUALLY AWESOME.
Oh wait, never mind, that backfired too. More screaming.
"I've regenerated, I'm suffering from post-regeneration amnesia...as far as I can remember..."
Ah, of course, the inevitable test of identity. Let's make this simple: EVERYONE in the room is who they say they are.
"I know about regeneration, of course." Wait...since when?
So I somehow only JUST realized that this is my first Seven-Mel story in ANY medium. All my previous Mel-exposure was with Six.
Guys, one day you will learn that blue-screening against poofy or curly hair JUST DOES NOT WORK.
WAIT. HYPATIA IS ONE OF THE GENIUSES SHE'S CAPTURED? Must tell mom about this tomorrow (she appears as a main character in my mom's novel.)
I...what...the Rani did NOT just fall for the hey-look-over-there ploy. SEVEN DIDN'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING. HE JUST POINTED. AND TIED HER UP.
Well, at least she's finally taken that wig off.
Hiding in a cave of Tetraps, eh Doctor? I sense an impending cliffhanger.
And is it just me, or did they take out the electronic screech at the beginning of the end credits?
Ah, so that chunky red gloop was Tetrap food. And the Rani's FINALLY wearing her red disco-suit again.
Unpopular Opinion Time: See, this is why I like Mel better than Peri. Mel actually stops and strategizes and doesn't panic.
Well, okay, nearly every time she's confronted with a monster, she just stands there and screams. But other than that...
Aww, the Tetrap minion wants his Mistress back.
You know, I SHOULD be having the same problems with the Tetraps that I did with the Terileptils but...for some reason, I'm not.
I don't know, maybe I'm just more accepting of big furry monsters than big scaly monsters. (Case in point: YETIIIIII!!!)
Seven's been saying butchered expressions all serial. How long does that go on for? I don't remember it in his final season.
I think I should like a .gif of Seven's running one of these days.
There we go again: confronted by two Tetraps and she just stands there and screams. Why did JNT think that this was a good idea?
I still don't understand what magical force was keeping Mel's bubble from exploding and ALL THE OTHER ONES DID. Oh wait... #theplot
Huh. Cool alien spa complete with...what I can only describe as a spiked disco ball.
...which might turn out to be a plot point in a few minutes.
Or it could be a hive for glowing green killer bees, that too.
Wait. Mel was hanging upside down and now she's out in the field with a Tetrap what?
Oh. Maybe they've let her go because Seven is bargaining. So why wasn't there any sort of transition?
Ahhhhhh she was a hologram. Ooookay, I see what you did there.
"Why didn't she just release Mel?"
"A bird in the hand keeps the Doctor away."
You know, considering how much Sylvester McCoy is a master of gurning, he hasn't really been doing much with his face in this story, has he?
Ah, natural Seven: confronted with monsters, he just tips his hat at them.
I think this is the first time that Mel's actually yelled at the Tetraps instead of screamed at them. Yes, there's a difference.
Aha, hello Giant Throbbing Secret Project Brain Thing!
VIBRATING AND THROBBING AND SCREAMING AND SCIENCE AND CLIFFHANGER.
Oh crap. I just realized: I've seen Mark of the Rani and Dimensions in Time, so this is my last episode with the Rani (Please, Santa Moff?)
Isn't it usually by this point in a serial that we already know the bad guy's evil plan and are almost on the verge of stopping it?
I just remembered: the Rani never explained how she and the Master got the T-Rex out of her TARDIS from the last story...
...which begs the unlikely but possible possibility that, for her, maybe this story takes place before Mark of the Rani? #weirdfantheories
I mean, the Master's escaped from plenty of situations with little to no explanation before, but at least it was brought up.
Hey Mel, your captor just walked away. Maybe you could try to actually save the Doctor instead of just relying on his "character."
Oh. Actually, that seems to be doing something. I'd almost say Seven was having fun in there.
I'd also almost say that Sylv was trying to cop a feel on Kate O'Mara while shoving her into the container.
"No, Mel, two wrongs don't make a left turn...right!"
Well Seven, if you spin a track ball on a Triforce panel of COURSE you're going to cause a supernova!
Um. Wow. The Rani's supposed to be this super-genius Time Lady and she's just banging on the door instead of, oh, I don't know...
...USING HER LITTLE WRIST-COMMUNICATOR THING TO CALL FOR HELP?
Oh wait, Seven didn't actually cause a supernova, he just watched a recording of one on a screen.
Aaaaaand the Rani is magically free now. Well okay then.
So these events are becoming not just more and more incomprehensible but less and less true to the Rani's character.
I mean, the impression I got from Mark was that she was a scientist content ruling her own planet. When did she want to control time itself?
I just noticed that this commentary seems to be analyzing the serial rather than making/having fun with it. I hope this is a one-time thing.
"Wherever evolution has taken the wrong route, I shall redirect it! That planet you're so obsessed with, Earth, I shall return to the Cretaceous Age."
"The Cretaceous Age?"
"The potential of the dinosaurs was never fully realized."
...OH MY GOD SHE'S GOING TO RETCON EARTHSHOCK AND SAVE ADRIC.
*checks Wikipedia for something* ...............oh.
So......apparently that big rant I made almost a year ago about them using the wrong image of Earth at the end of Earthshock is a bit wrong.
I looked up the Cretaceous and saw an estimated image of then-Earth. The image at the end of Earthshock is vague enough to pass for that.
Well...there goes one half of The Earthshock Rant...
Anyway, this isn't Earthshock, this is Time and the Rani. Unfortunately the one with the superior story is also the more depressing.
Well, okay, I guess you could argue that any mediocre Doctor Who story is depressing simply in its mediocrity, so they're BOTH depressing...
Maybe I should just go back to actually *watching* the serial now.
Happy hammy Rani is happy and hammy.
And for once, Mel got to be a temporary badass and took down a monster with a glitter gun.
"Nothing can stop me now!" Really, Rani? That line? Really?
Oh, and of COURSE there just HAPPENS to be a little fiber-optic thing sitting there right when they need it.
Huh. Looks like Matt Smith's fanfic about the Doctor traveling around with Einstein might've been canon already.
20 SECONDS TO SAVE THE WORLD.
Countdown stopped at 4. I love how Classic Who is so good at rejecting the norms of stopping at 1.
Uh oh, the rocket's taking off. But if it was set for a fixed time and location, maybe it won't work because the crucial moment's passed?
"The delayed liftoff means that the rocket will miss the asteroid!" Ah, I was right.
Yeeeeeah, that doesn't look like "escaping to freedom" to me. Ouch. That can't have been fun for Kate O'Mara to film.
"Well, time and tide melt the snowman."
"Waits for no man!"
"Who's waiting? I'm ready!"
And off goes Seven, into probably one of the most epic tenures of any Doctor (counting the mass of New Adventures novels)...
Okay, so Eight might've had more books. But my point still stands.
Next: Paradise Towers