Comments | cloworora: Untitled #1 (LJI s8 t2)

cloworora

Untitled #1 (LJI s8 t2)

Oct 31, 2011 13:17

Ready. Aim. Fire; Blight the land

Make a stand; Treat me godly

"I won't go! Never let go!"

A growl grunted. She fleetly flinched

We will die. We all die

Blood and bruises; fellow felt feeble

The devil's sweepstakes, staining each cover

Radio buzzed air, each slipped note

Industry in atrophy, the future rusted

Gathers no moss; reassembling the ends,

Guy ( Read more... )

heaven shall burn, oblivion, topic 2, rest in peace, love conquers all, i love you, paradise lost, man, tragedy, fire, oh my god, sadistic glee, skin, bless our home, r.i.p., love, slayer, child, carpe diem, union, unity, crossed, epic, angel of doom, rest in pieces, season 8, poetic prose, dog of man, monster, woman, save our ship, lji, family, therealljidol, above all else, flesh, live journal, rip, i hate you

Comments 25

sonophax November 1 2011, 03:57:55 UTC

So intense and really awesome.
Intense. Really intense.

imafarmgirl November 2 2011, 17:16:50 UTC

Wow, just wow. This is really good. I can't believe you don't have more comments.

cloworora November 3 2011, 03:39:58 UTC

Well, I think the abstract nature can leave questions almost as readily as it switches others on. Thank you for reading!

ecosopher November 1 2011, 12:37:15 UTC

This was tragic to an almost unbearable breaking point. I found myself wondering about the connections to other work, or some other reference that I don't yet know about - is there?

Beautiful imagery, here.

cloworora November 1 2011, 19:04:48 UTC

There are none; it's an abstract, transient poetic prose. I encourage each reader to really think about what it means to them.

n3m3sis42 November 2 2011, 01:59:11 UTC

I was wondering about other references, too. It's really epic.

cloworora November 2 2011, 03:25:21 UTC

Beyond the key ideas of a love hate relationship with alternating passion and violence and the male figure's eventual surrender, the references are completely poetic. Heck, it's even up for debate if those are actually the core issues, considering the abstract nature.

dslartoo November 1 2011, 13:05:59 UTC

Epic and lyrical in the best traditions of Beowulf. Impressive, to say the least.

cheers,
Phil

cloworora November 2 2011, 04:28:11 UTC

That's a huge compliment. I love the epics, especially hero epics. Gilgamesh, Beowulf, The Iliad, The Odyssey, Kalevala, Divine Comedy, Paradise Lost and Regained are all great. I'd be lying if I said there wasn't some influence there since one of my current projects is revolving around one of them, but this entry started out as a story. It evolved into this which is why it doesn't rhyme often.

I'm glad you like it and thanks for reading.

baxaphobia November 1 2011, 14:39:52 UTC

Tragically, beautifully poetic! Amazing!

cloworora November 2 2011, 04:29:46 UTC

Thanks. I tried to not make it too dark, but it is definitely flawed. I think it turned out with a somewhat familiar or even sublime ending.

m_malcontent November 1 2011, 17:35:03 UTC

Very strong stuff, being able to keep the story coherent in a rigid pattern of syllables is almost a lost art.

cloworora November 2 2011, 04:30:25 UTC

Nah, not among academics. Epics really don't die. We need to take the word back.

Thanks for reading!