I know it is random, but damn do I miss sex! I wish I could have sex more often. I don't want a boyfriend though. Does that make me a whore? I like this guy Patrick. Well...Lets say I like to look at this guy Patrick and I totally wish I could just seduce him. I dream about sex a lot now a days. I don't know if it is because of the new medication ( Read more... )

I AM UNDER SO MUCH GODDAMN PRESSURE, SOON ENOUGH I AM GOING TO EXPLODE

I want him so bad and I can't have him. It is so frustrating. Usually when he leaves and goes back home I don't tend to miss him this much. I don't know why this time it would be any different. But now I can't stop thinking about him. I feel so lost without him. I love him. I can't tell him that though. I am afraid I would scare him away. He is the ( Read more... )

Yesterday was 420. My favorite holiday of the whole year. I smoked a whole lot. I had a good time. I ate a whole lot too. Now that it is today though I feel like shit. Even fasting today doesn't make me feel better. I feel so heavy. I feel like I have gained 5 lbs. I feel like all of the work I did last week is ruined. There is no way I will be ( Read more... )

I went to Weight Watchers this morning and when I weighed in the scale read 138 lbs. That is good because that was my goal for the week [to lose 6 lbs. (I was 144 lbs. last sat.)]. I am glad I met it. But that means I am 3 lbs. away from the goal I set up with Weight Watchers in the beginning,but I am no where near as small as I want to be. So I ( Read more... )

I had to drop my French class today. Everyone is trying to tell me that it is not like last time. That the seizures wouldn't ruin everything in my life. Only it has ruined everything. I had to drop school, I had to drop my driving test, I had to drop job interviews, I had to drop friends. I know the last one seems weird, but when my medicine makes ( Read more... )

I lose myself in all these fights; I lose my sense of wrong and right. I cry, I cry. I'm ( Read more... )

I did pretty well food wise today. I fasted all day (except for a couple small sips of a starbucks). I didn't go to the gym, but I did walk around a lot today (but nothing sweat breaking really because it was really windy). I burned about 2 points (better than 0 ( Read more... )

I can't stop thinking about Eric. I keep thinking about his girlfriend. I learned today her name is Falicia (spell check). I don't feel bad, believe me. I think she is a prude bitch who does not deserve him. I am just jealous of the time and things she gets to share with him that I don't. I keep trying to tell myself that if he lived closer we ( Read more... )

I did end up spending the night at Eric's last night. We did end up doing the nasty. We did it doggy style in his hot tub (by the way he lives in a mansion! with a beach front view) and he was so rough, that my boobs were pushed up against the hot tub and now they have some bruises on them. They are pretty damn soar too ( Read more... )