Well today I fasted. I also went to the gym for 40 minutes and burned 8 points. I gained sooo much weight last week. I am a failure at life. I used to be able to gain weight really slowly and take it off really fast, not it is the exact opposite. I gain weight fast, and take it off slowly. I gained 7 lbs. last week. Can you believe it? I can't. I ( Read more... )

Well, I saw eric. He wanted me which was PART of my goal. I mean he wanted me sexually again, but not as a gf. I am not that kind of a girl. I used to be, with him anyway. I used to just let him use me. Not anymore though, I try anyway. I tried so hard this trip, he was doing everything right and it took all of my strength. Today he was texting me ( Read more... )

Today I am seeing Eric for the first time in a couple of months. I am afraid of his reaction towards me. What if he doesn't even notice. I think that would be the worst thing of all. That I put all this effort in for him to not even notice that I lost the weight. I am hoping and praying that it is enough. I am scared. I am terrified. I am afraid of ( Read more... )

I wish he felt the same way. Im seeing him tomorrow at noon and I am honestly scared. Will I finally be good enough for him? doubtful. I wish life and love were simple. I have been trying to hard and I have lost so much weight, but it is obviously not good enough or I wouldn't still be alone ( Read more... )

This past Sunday my grandmother past away. I hadn't seen her in almost 2 years. My father wouldn't tell me where she was. I have been so depressed all week. I feel like killing myself and joining her. Although I wouldn't do that to my family. I just wish I could have seen her 1 last time. I miss her so much. I haven't gone to the gym at all this ( Read more... )

Today is day 5 of my 5 day fast. I will not know until tomorrow morning whether it was a success or not. I weigh in at Weight Watchers tomorrow morning. I am hoping and praying that I lost the 5 lbs. I wanted to lose this week. I have been pretty good. I did the 5 day fast and Although I didn't go to the gym 5x like I planned. I did however go 4x. ( Read more... )

Eric is coming to see me in like 4-5 days. I am excited. I have lost like 20 lbs. Since I have seen him last, but I still feel like it is not enough. Yes I am skinnier and I know he likes me no matter what. I can't help but feel I'm just not ready yet. I did just see him like 2.3 months ago or so. I wonder if I look any different. I don't feel any ( Read more... )

 I am so hungry right now. Today has been so tempting and its not even over yet. I went to hang out with some friends and after we smoked they all wanted food (specifically Burger King) so when they went I went with them and just told them I am trying not to eat fast food right now. MAN-O-MAN did I have to try hard. Everything they were eating ( Read more... )

Today was quite boring. I fasted today. Today is only day #1 though because although I did fast on Saturday (which was the 6th day) I did not fast yesterday. I am going to try to fast 5 days in a row this time. I weigh 147 lbs. right now. Can you say FAT PIG? I went to the Dr. for the first time since my seizures (about 6 months) and I have lose 50 ( Read more... )

I am so god damn pissed off right now. It has been the worst morning! I'm sure the day isn't going to get any better.  I went to Weight Watchers this morning and the the scale read 147.00 lbs. I lost exactly 3 lbs. I was trying to lose 5+. I hate my body. I fasted for 5 days this week (granted I only went to the gym 1x). I should have lose 5 lbs. ( Read more... )