Fic: Liminal, Part 1 [Harry/Draco]
I present to you the first chapter of the sequel to Precipice. Enjoy :).
Title: Liminal
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Rating: PG-13
Category: Futurefic/War, Angst, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, mpreg
Summary: Liminal: from Latin limen, meaning threshold; a state of being in-between.
Many thanks to rurounihime for betaing.
~*~*~
Harry woke up to the grey light of dawn. Cursing under his breath, he rolled onto his side, determined to go back to sleep, but a soft groan from across the room made him reach for his glasses.
Draco stood near the opposite wall, one hand braced against it, the other pressed against his lower back. He was breathing in an odd but familiar way. It took Harry's sleep-hazy brain a moment to make the connection: Neville had taught Draco how to breathe that way, to make contractions easier on-
"Draco, are you…is it time? Is the baby coming?" Harry padded across the room, a little unsteady on his feet.
"Maybe, yeah. I'm not sure," Draco replied in a small voice, his breathing now back to normal. He started walking back and forth with slow steps.
Harry shifted from one foot to the other. "Why didn't you wake me? Do you want to lie down? I suppose we should contact Hermione and-"
"Stop," Draco interrupted, and shot Harry a warning glance. "Please," he added in a more conciliatory tone. "It's probably just another false alarm, so I didn't want to wake you. I don't want to lie down. I tried, and…I just need to walk around. There's no use in calling them if this isn't..."
"How often do the contractions come?" Harry watched Draco walk around the room.
"I…I didn't really keep track."
The next time Draco passed him, Harry caught his arm. "Hey." He slid both his hands up to rest on Draco's shoulders. "Are you okay? Is it…is it bad? The pain?"
Draco didn't meet his eyes. "It's not too bad." He swallowed. "Yet. I mean, if…if this is it, then the pain will get stronger."
"Come here for a moment." Harry waited until Draco stepped closer to him, then pulled him into a loose embrace. He weighed his next words carefully. "I don't think this is a false alarm, but who knows. Let's wait another half an hour, and if you're still having contractions then, we'll call Hermione, okay?"
Draco nodded.
"I know this will be difficult, but I'm here to help you. Just tell me what you need. All right?"
"Yeah." Draco's head dropped forward to rest on Harry's shoulder.
They spent a few minutes standing together, Draco half-leaning against Harry.
"'nother one," Draco mumbled. His breathing switched patterns again.
Harry took Draco's hand. "That was maybe five minutes since the last one." He glanced at his watch. 7:35 am. Knowing the time didn't really help Harry as he hadn't checked it when he woke up. But he'd be able to time the next contraction.
"I've…no idea," Draco managed, now squeezing Harry's hand hard. "Irregular." More breathing. "They're irregular."
Even after the contraction subsided, Harry could still feel tension in Draco's shoulders and back. Neville's words came back to him: how Draco needed to stay as relaxed as possible at this stage, and how it was Harry's responsibility to make sure of that. The quiet confidence that had radiated off Neville during those conversations was still surprising to Harry. The only nursery he'd ever pictured Neville in was one filled with plants.
Sliding his hands slowly up and down Draco's arms, Harry asked, "Want to walk some more?"
"Yeah."
"We can go out into the hall, if you want. It's safe, remember? Hermione extended the wards last week."
"Right."
They stepped into the dimly lit corridor. As they walked along the narrow stretch of walls, Harry thought about how hard they had worked to turn two damp basement rooms in the abandoned North Wing of St. Mungo's into a liveable space for himself and Draco. And soon, for Holly as well.
Harry's stomach flip-flopped at the thought. While he longed to finally see and hold his daughter, he also worried about everything that had to go right until then. He had no doubt about Draco being able to get through this; rather, it was his own ability to support and guide Draco that seemed questionable to him. "Maybe we should notify Hermione and Neville now. I mean, does it really make a difference if they come by to check…"
A few moments passed until Draco spoke. "I'd rather it just be you for now." His voice was quiet, uncertain.
Harry smoothed a few wayward strands of hair away from Draco's face. He already looked tired, and the real work hadn't even begun yet. "Of course, love."
~*~*~
"Are you sure you're comfortable like this?" Harry asked for the third time.
Draco was kneeling on the floor, against the bed, leaning over the edge with a pillow in a tight grasp. "Yeah."
"Okay." Harry had settled in behind Draco, his hands moving slowly up and down Draco's back in an attempt to soothe and comfort. Any doubt about whether or not he really was in labour had disappeared.
Harry felt increasingly helpless. They'd already used up the small bottle of pain-relief potion Neville had left on his last visit. The potion hadn't helped all that much. A spell would probably ease Draco's discomfort, but magic would be detected immediately.
About fifteen minutes had passed since Harry had charmed the coin that would call Hermione and Neville. Fifteen endless minutes. It was too early for them to be at work, if he remembered their shifts correctly. At least another quarter of an hour, then, until they'd get here.
Draco groaned and buried his head in his arms.
"Another one?" Harry asked.
Draco nodded.
"Keep breathing," Harry instructed, his hands wandering to Draco's lower back, where they pressed against the end of his spine in tight circles.
"Oh god," Draco gasped, his entire body tensing.
Harry wished Draco's face wasn't buried in the pillow because he had no idea if Draco was breathing properly or not. Sliding one arm around to his chest, Harry pulled him up a little, only to be met with resistance. "It'll be easier this way, love, come on…"
"No…can't…hurts..."
"I know. Just a little, though, please?" Harry leaned forward until his chest met Draco's back, careful not to put any weight on him. He could feel the shallow gulps of air Draco was taking, and the rapid beating of his heart. Focusing on his own breathing, Harry inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly, hoping that Draco would pick up on the rhythm. Draco's hand closed around his own, and their fingers laced together tightly.
"Again," Draco panted.
Harry took another deep breath. He could feel Draco follow his lead.
"That's good, that's really good," Harry whispered. "One more."
Draco struggled through another cycle, his exhalation turning into a whimper.
"Nearly there." Harry eased the pressure of his hands when he felt the muscles relax, and rubbed comforting circles until the contraction had completely passed.
"That was the worst yet," Draco said quietly. He slumped forward. His words were muffled by the pillow when he asked, "Why aren't they here yet?"
Harry shifted to sit next to Draco. "It takes them a while to get here. They'll be here soon."
Draco's eyes closed. A frown of concentration formed on his face, and he started to breathe more deliberately, apparently trying to regain the slow in-and-out pattern before the next onslaught of pain.
Harry ran his hand over Draco's back in the same rhythm, his touch firm enough to serve as orientation point. "Yeah, like that, just like that."
He kissed Draco's forehead, then rested his head on the mattress for a moment, waiting.
~*~*~
"Make it stop, 's too much, I can't…I can't…" Draco's fingers reached across the mattress.
Harry took Draco's hand and squeezed it gently. He didn't answer the plea. What was he supposed to say? There was nothing he could do to ease Draco's suffering.
Bitterness burned inside of him. Another hour had passed, and they were still alone. Draco had curled up on the bed, and Harry sat next him with his knees drawn up, afraid that he might fall asleep if he lay down.
Harry watched numbly as Draco sobbed through another contraction. When it had passed, Harry wiped the tears away. His hand lingered against Draco's cheek for a moment. I'm so sorry, love, so sorry.
Draco stirred, and crawled towards the edge of the bed.
"What…?" Harry asked, confused.
"Leaning's better. Need to…"
Harry moved in front of Draco. "I don't think you should…what do you need?"
Draco mumbled something unintelligible.
"What?"
"Push. I need to… please, let me…"
Harry grasped Draco's shoulders. "You can't. Remember what Neville said? You can't push!"
"Have to. The baby needs-"
"Draco, no. Look at me." Harry used his hand to tip Draco's chin up. With careful emphasis on every word, he said, "She has nowhere to go. If you start pushing, you're going to hurt her, and you're going to hurt yourself."
"But-"
"I know. Your body's telling you to push, but you can't love, all right? You can't." Harry sought a sign of understanding in the grey eyes in front of him.
Draco's head dropped forward. Harry thought he might protest again, but a hitch of breath signalled the onset of another contraction, and for the next minute, their developing argument didn't matter anymore. Gathering Draco into his arms, Harry felt wetness soaking through his t-shirt.
"Just a little longer, just a tiny, tiny bit longer and it'll all be okay, shhh," Harry whispered, not believing a word he said, but needing to say it nevertheless. Words were the only means of comfort he'd left to give. He'd stopped rubbing Draco's back a while ago, uncertain whether or not it made a difference anymore. But he had to make sure that Draco knew he wasn’t alone.
~*~*~
"We're so sorry," Hermione began right after opening the door. ""You've no idea what-"
"Where the fuck have you been?" Harry ground out, rushing to his feet. "It's been hours! What if something had been really wrong with Draco? What if…what if something is really wrong? He's been--" His voice cracked.
While Neville walked over to the bed, Hermione turned towards Harry, hands raised in an appeasing gesture. "I'm so sorry, and I've been so worried about Draco…"
She looked over to Neville, who had one hand on Draco's belly and was casting spells with the other.
"We need to move fast," he said, a grim look on his face.
The sudden flurry of movement around Harry, combined with the realisation that Holly's birth was imminent now, felt disorienting. The adrenaline left over from his outburst ebbed away, and an odd tingle settled in his stomach; his hands felt clammy.
Hermione was simultaneously talking and rearranging the room, and Harry could barely concentrate on what she was saying. He strained to hear what Neville was whispering to Draco.
"…changed the wards a day early," Hermione explained, stripping the bed after Neville had helped Draco to get up. "We tried to get through for half an hour, and they noticed someone was tampering with them, of course, but it was fine after we explained we’d come in earlier to help out because of the attack last night."
"Uh-huh." Harry watched as Neville helped Draco kneel on a blanket that was spread on the floor. Under Neville's hushed instructions, he bent forward to rest on his elbows and tucked his knees under himself.
"Two emergency operations, can you believe it? It’s not like I could say no to those, and they took bloody forever…"
Neville's hands were on Draco's hips now, thumbs pressing into skin and muscles there, rather roughly, in Harry's opinion. His eyes narrowed.
"If I'd only shown Neville how the wards around your rooms worked, he could have come down here, but the last week's been so busy, and-" With a flick of her wand, Hermione transfigured the small table in the corner into a longer and narrower version of itself.
For the operation, Harry thought, and he swallowed. They'd get to Holly that way, and Draco wouldn't be in pain anymore, he corrected himself. Yes, better think of it that way.
"Harry? Harry!"
"Huh?" His eyes came back into focus, and took in Hermione's exasperated expression.
"Have you heard a word I've said?"
Harry opened his mouth to speak, but she waved him off.
"Never mind." Hermione took step closer and laid one hand on his arm. "We're ready now. Would you like to stay here? To watch?"
Harry glanced over to Draco, now lying on the table and still listening to Neville, nodding occasionally. "I…" He wanted to stay with Draco the entire time, as he'd promised, but the thought of witnessing him being cut open…
"I'll stay until he's asleep, then…I'll wait in the hall," Harry said, quietly enough so Draco wouldn't hear him.
"That's what I would have suggested," Hermione replied warmly. "You need to rest for what's to come, and you probably would be in the way."
While she and Neville busied themselves with laying out potions and other things Harry didn't want to see up close, he stepped next to Draco. "Hey."
"Hey yourself," came the whispered reply.
"Ready?"
Draco nodded, but there was fear in his eyes.
Harry's fingers wound into blond hair. "Neville gave you something for the pain?"
"Yeah." Draco took a deep breath. "'s much better already."
"Good."
They stayed silent, just looking at one another, until Hermione pushed a phial into Harry's hand. She nodded in Draco's direction, and Harry understood. "You need to go to sleep now, love."
"Okay." Draco's voice trembled, but he drank the potion in one long sip.
When Draco's eyelids fluttered, Harry bent down and whispered I love you into his ear. He ran his fingers through the fine hair a few more times, then abruptly turned away, quickly crossing the room to reach the door.
Out in the hall, he leaned against the wall. After a moment, his legs gave out, and he slid down. So tired. He rubbed at his eyes. They remained closed after his hands fell away.
Part 2.
Feedback is always welcome and appreciated!
.
Title: Liminal
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Rating: PG-13
Category: Futurefic/War, Angst, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, mpreg
Summary: Liminal: from Latin limen, meaning threshold; a state of being in-between.
Many thanks to rurounihime for betaing.
~*~*~
Harry woke up to the grey light of dawn. Cursing under his breath, he rolled onto his side, determined to go back to sleep, but a soft groan from across the room made him reach for his glasses.
Draco stood near the opposite wall, one hand braced against it, the other pressed against his lower back. He was breathing in an odd but familiar way. It took Harry's sleep-hazy brain a moment to make the connection: Neville had taught Draco how to breathe that way, to make contractions easier on-
"Draco, are you…is it time? Is the baby coming?" Harry padded across the room, a little unsteady on his feet.
"Maybe, yeah. I'm not sure," Draco replied in a small voice, his breathing now back to normal. He started walking back and forth with slow steps.
Harry shifted from one foot to the other. "Why didn't you wake me? Do you want to lie down? I suppose we should contact Hermione and-"
"Stop," Draco interrupted, and shot Harry a warning glance. "Please," he added in a more conciliatory tone. "It's probably just another false alarm, so I didn't want to wake you. I don't want to lie down. I tried, and…I just need to walk around. There's no use in calling them if this isn't..."
"How often do the contractions come?" Harry watched Draco walk around the room.
"I…I didn't really keep track."
The next time Draco passed him, Harry caught his arm. "Hey." He slid both his hands up to rest on Draco's shoulders. "Are you okay? Is it…is it bad? The pain?"
Draco didn't meet his eyes. "It's not too bad." He swallowed. "Yet. I mean, if…if this is it, then the pain will get stronger."
"Come here for a moment." Harry waited until Draco stepped closer to him, then pulled him into a loose embrace. He weighed his next words carefully. "I don't think this is a false alarm, but who knows. Let's wait another half an hour, and if you're still having contractions then, we'll call Hermione, okay?"
Draco nodded.
"I know this will be difficult, but I'm here to help you. Just tell me what you need. All right?"
"Yeah." Draco's head dropped forward to rest on Harry's shoulder.
They spent a few minutes standing together, Draco half-leaning against Harry.
"'nother one," Draco mumbled. His breathing switched patterns again.
Harry took Draco's hand. "That was maybe five minutes since the last one." He glanced at his watch. 7:35 am. Knowing the time didn't really help Harry as he hadn't checked it when he woke up. But he'd be able to time the next contraction.
"I've…no idea," Draco managed, now squeezing Harry's hand hard. "Irregular." More breathing. "They're irregular."
Even after the contraction subsided, Harry could still feel tension in Draco's shoulders and back. Neville's words came back to him: how Draco needed to stay as relaxed as possible at this stage, and how it was Harry's responsibility to make sure of that. The quiet confidence that had radiated off Neville during those conversations was still surprising to Harry. The only nursery he'd ever pictured Neville in was one filled with plants.
Sliding his hands slowly up and down Draco's arms, Harry asked, "Want to walk some more?"
"Yeah."
"We can go out into the hall, if you want. It's safe, remember? Hermione extended the wards last week."
"Right."
They stepped into the dimly lit corridor. As they walked along the narrow stretch of walls, Harry thought about how hard they had worked to turn two damp basement rooms in the abandoned North Wing of St. Mungo's into a liveable space for himself and Draco. And soon, for Holly as well.
Harry's stomach flip-flopped at the thought. While he longed to finally see and hold his daughter, he also worried about everything that had to go right until then. He had no doubt about Draco being able to get through this; rather, it was his own ability to support and guide Draco that seemed questionable to him. "Maybe we should notify Hermione and Neville now. I mean, does it really make a difference if they come by to check…"
A few moments passed until Draco spoke. "I'd rather it just be you for now." His voice was quiet, uncertain.
Harry smoothed a few wayward strands of hair away from Draco's face. He already looked tired, and the real work hadn't even begun yet. "Of course, love."
~*~*~
"Are you sure you're comfortable like this?" Harry asked for the third time.
Draco was kneeling on the floor, against the bed, leaning over the edge with a pillow in a tight grasp. "Yeah."
"Okay." Harry had settled in behind Draco, his hands moving slowly up and down Draco's back in an attempt to soothe and comfort. Any doubt about whether or not he really was in labour had disappeared.
Harry felt increasingly helpless. They'd already used up the small bottle of pain-relief potion Neville had left on his last visit. The potion hadn't helped all that much. A spell would probably ease Draco's discomfort, but magic would be detected immediately.
About fifteen minutes had passed since Harry had charmed the coin that would call Hermione and Neville. Fifteen endless minutes. It was too early for them to be at work, if he remembered their shifts correctly. At least another quarter of an hour, then, until they'd get here.
Draco groaned and buried his head in his arms.
"Another one?" Harry asked.
Draco nodded.
"Keep breathing," Harry instructed, his hands wandering to Draco's lower back, where they pressed against the end of his spine in tight circles.
"Oh god," Draco gasped, his entire body tensing.
Harry wished Draco's face wasn't buried in the pillow because he had no idea if Draco was breathing properly or not. Sliding one arm around to his chest, Harry pulled him up a little, only to be met with resistance. "It'll be easier this way, love, come on…"
"No…can't…hurts..."
"I know. Just a little, though, please?" Harry leaned forward until his chest met Draco's back, careful not to put any weight on him. He could feel the shallow gulps of air Draco was taking, and the rapid beating of his heart. Focusing on his own breathing, Harry inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly, hoping that Draco would pick up on the rhythm. Draco's hand closed around his own, and their fingers laced together tightly.
"Again," Draco panted.
Harry took another deep breath. He could feel Draco follow his lead.
"That's good, that's really good," Harry whispered. "One more."
Draco struggled through another cycle, his exhalation turning into a whimper.
"Nearly there." Harry eased the pressure of his hands when he felt the muscles relax, and rubbed comforting circles until the contraction had completely passed.
"That was the worst yet," Draco said quietly. He slumped forward. His words were muffled by the pillow when he asked, "Why aren't they here yet?"
Harry shifted to sit next to Draco. "It takes them a while to get here. They'll be here soon."
Draco's eyes closed. A frown of concentration formed on his face, and he started to breathe more deliberately, apparently trying to regain the slow in-and-out pattern before the next onslaught of pain.
Harry ran his hand over Draco's back in the same rhythm, his touch firm enough to serve as orientation point. "Yeah, like that, just like that."
He kissed Draco's forehead, then rested his head on the mattress for a moment, waiting.
~*~*~
"Make it stop, 's too much, I can't…I can't…" Draco's fingers reached across the mattress.
Harry took Draco's hand and squeezed it gently. He didn't answer the plea. What was he supposed to say? There was nothing he could do to ease Draco's suffering.
Bitterness burned inside of him. Another hour had passed, and they were still alone. Draco had curled up on the bed, and Harry sat next him with his knees drawn up, afraid that he might fall asleep if he lay down.
Harry watched numbly as Draco sobbed through another contraction. When it had passed, Harry wiped the tears away. His hand lingered against Draco's cheek for a moment. I'm so sorry, love, so sorry.
Draco stirred, and crawled towards the edge of the bed.
"What…?" Harry asked, confused.
"Leaning's better. Need to…"
Harry moved in front of Draco. "I don't think you should…what do you need?"
Draco mumbled something unintelligible.
"What?"
"Push. I need to… please, let me…"
Harry grasped Draco's shoulders. "You can't. Remember what Neville said? You can't push!"
"Have to. The baby needs-"
"Draco, no. Look at me." Harry used his hand to tip Draco's chin up. With careful emphasis on every word, he said, "She has nowhere to go. If you start pushing, you're going to hurt her, and you're going to hurt yourself."
"But-"
"I know. Your body's telling you to push, but you can't love, all right? You can't." Harry sought a sign of understanding in the grey eyes in front of him.
Draco's head dropped forward. Harry thought he might protest again, but a hitch of breath signalled the onset of another contraction, and for the next minute, their developing argument didn't matter anymore. Gathering Draco into his arms, Harry felt wetness soaking through his t-shirt.
"Just a little longer, just a tiny, tiny bit longer and it'll all be okay, shhh," Harry whispered, not believing a word he said, but needing to say it nevertheless. Words were the only means of comfort he'd left to give. He'd stopped rubbing Draco's back a while ago, uncertain whether or not it made a difference anymore. But he had to make sure that Draco knew he wasn’t alone.
~*~*~
"We're so sorry," Hermione began right after opening the door. ""You've no idea what-"
"Where the fuck have you been?" Harry ground out, rushing to his feet. "It's been hours! What if something had been really wrong with Draco? What if…what if something is really wrong? He's been--" His voice cracked.
While Neville walked over to the bed, Hermione turned towards Harry, hands raised in an appeasing gesture. "I'm so sorry, and I've been so worried about Draco…"
She looked over to Neville, who had one hand on Draco's belly and was casting spells with the other.
"We need to move fast," he said, a grim look on his face.
The sudden flurry of movement around Harry, combined with the realisation that Holly's birth was imminent now, felt disorienting. The adrenaline left over from his outburst ebbed away, and an odd tingle settled in his stomach; his hands felt clammy.
Hermione was simultaneously talking and rearranging the room, and Harry could barely concentrate on what she was saying. He strained to hear what Neville was whispering to Draco.
"…changed the wards a day early," Hermione explained, stripping the bed after Neville had helped Draco to get up. "We tried to get through for half an hour, and they noticed someone was tampering with them, of course, but it was fine after we explained we’d come in earlier to help out because of the attack last night."
"Uh-huh." Harry watched as Neville helped Draco kneel on a blanket that was spread on the floor. Under Neville's hushed instructions, he bent forward to rest on his elbows and tucked his knees under himself.
"Two emergency operations, can you believe it? It’s not like I could say no to those, and they took bloody forever…"
Neville's hands were on Draco's hips now, thumbs pressing into skin and muscles there, rather roughly, in Harry's opinion. His eyes narrowed.
"If I'd only shown Neville how the wards around your rooms worked, he could have come down here, but the last week's been so busy, and-" With a flick of her wand, Hermione transfigured the small table in the corner into a longer and narrower version of itself.
For the operation, Harry thought, and he swallowed. They'd get to Holly that way, and Draco wouldn't be in pain anymore, he corrected himself. Yes, better think of it that way.
"Harry? Harry!"
"Huh?" His eyes came back into focus, and took in Hermione's exasperated expression.
"Have you heard a word I've said?"
Harry opened his mouth to speak, but she waved him off.
"Never mind." Hermione took step closer and laid one hand on his arm. "We're ready now. Would you like to stay here? To watch?"
Harry glanced over to Draco, now lying on the table and still listening to Neville, nodding occasionally. "I…" He wanted to stay with Draco the entire time, as he'd promised, but the thought of witnessing him being cut open…
"I'll stay until he's asleep, then…I'll wait in the hall," Harry said, quietly enough so Draco wouldn't hear him.
"That's what I would have suggested," Hermione replied warmly. "You need to rest for what's to come, and you probably would be in the way."
While she and Neville busied themselves with laying out potions and other things Harry didn't want to see up close, he stepped next to Draco. "Hey."
"Hey yourself," came the whispered reply.
"Ready?"
Draco nodded, but there was fear in his eyes.
Harry's fingers wound into blond hair. "Neville gave you something for the pain?"
"Yeah." Draco took a deep breath. "'s much better already."
"Good."
They stayed silent, just looking at one another, until Hermione pushed a phial into Harry's hand. She nodded in Draco's direction, and Harry understood. "You need to go to sleep now, love."
"Okay." Draco's voice trembled, but he drank the potion in one long sip.
When Draco's eyelids fluttered, Harry bent down and whispered I love you into his ear. He ran his fingers through the fine hair a few more times, then abruptly turned away, quickly crossing the room to reach the door.
Out in the hall, he leaned against the wall. After a moment, his legs gave out, and he slid down. So tired. He rubbed at his eyes. They remained closed after his hands fell away.
Part 2.
Feedback is always welcome and appreciated!
.