Fic: Liminal, Part 2 [Harry/Draco]
Sorry for the long delay, but the boys were rather stubborn in this chapter...
Liminal, Part 2
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Rating: PG-13
Category: Futurefic/War, Angst, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, mpreg
Summary: Liminal, from Latin limen, meaning threshold: a state of being in-between.
Thank you to rurounihime for betaing, to akahannah for preventing me from murdering British English, and to wildegirl_05 for brainstorming the last sentence.
Part 1.
~*~*~
Someone was talking to him. Harry jerked upright and his head hit the wall with a dull thud. He swore under his breath.
"Sorry, didn't meant to startle you," Hermione said. Her hand came to rest on Harry's shoulder.
"I'm fine." Awareness settled in: Hermione was here to tell him something. About Draco and Holly. "Are they okay?"
Hermione nodded. She paused for a moment, her gaze steadily on Harry. "Would you like to see your daughter?"
All air whooshed out of Harry's lungs at those words, and he was glad that he was sitting down already. "Yes," he replied hoarsely. "Yes."
Hermione took his hands and pulled him up. Her fingers tightened around Harry's in a light squeeze before she let go. "Deep breath. Don't faint on me now."
The mirth in her eyes was comforting, even if it didn't take away the tingling all over his body. "I'll try not to."
He followed her lead, but stopped in his tracks as soon as he entered the room. Neville stood across from him, a small bundle of white blankets in his arms. Harry thought he could see two tiny hands sticking out.
His legs were so wobbly that he wasn't sure he could take another step on them. This was the moment he'd been living for since last September, but he felt completely unprepared. His eyes flickered to the bed, to Draco, who was sleeping soundly. All lines had been smoothed away from his face, no traces left of the agony of the past hours. Harry breathed a bit easier.
"Do you maybe want to sit down?"
Neville's voice interrupted Harry's thoughts and he nodded. He noticed a familiar armchair in the corner that hadn't been there before. "That's yours."
Hermione smiled. "Yes. I figured it would serve you better than me."
Harry had barely sat down when Neville placed something warm and light and tiny in his arms. He wanted to protest that this was all happening too fast and he needed more time, that he really wanted to savour this moment so he would be able to remember it in all its facets later on. Instead, his mind was completely blank. He looked and looked, yet saw only fragments at a time. A small button nose. Two tightly shut eyes. Two arms that curled towards the small body. A fist that opened easily when he gently prodded at it and firmly closed around his finger without the intention of letting go. Two feet that fit perfectly in the palm of his hand.
"You do need to remember how to breathe," Neville said gently.
Harry looked up. "Right. Breathe. I…sorry, but I…" He let out a choked laugh.
"Congratulations, Harry." Hermione leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheek.
"Thank you." His eyes returned to his daughter. "She is…"
"Gorgeous?" Neville offered.
Harry sent a grateful smile in his direction. "Yes."
"She's also perfectly healthy," Hermione added. "A tad on the light side in terms of weight, but nothing to worry about."
"What about Draco?"
"He's fine as well. Probably needs a lot of rest in the coming days, but he's as good as can be expected."
"What do you mean?"
Hermione sat down on the edge of the chair. "There were a few critical moments. Labour had proceeded for quite a while and, well, it makes things more difficult. But I assure you that there won't be any more complications."
The calm confidence in her voice reassured Harry more than her words did. If there was anything wrong with Draco, she would have told him. "Thank you." He looked at Neville. "Thank you both. You've done so much for me and Draco, I don't know how-"
"Don't mention it," Neville interrupted. "Friends, remember?"
The word didn't do justice to everything they had been through over the years, all that had been given or lost or gained. Harry held Neville's gaze for a moment and knew he understood. Quietly, he said, "Yes. Friends."
Hermione cleared her throat. "There's one thing you haven't seen yet."
Harry frowned and watched her reach across him to pluck off the hat he hadn't even realised Holly was wearing.
"Oh my god." The words rushed out in a pressed whisper as Harry stared at the wisps of red hair that stuck out in all directions. "Draco's going to kill me."
Hermione laughed. "I doubt that, but it is a bit unexpected, I have to say."
"I always thought she'd have blonde hair, like Draco because…because…" Harry's throat was too tight to speak. His eyes prickled and the world blurred. It wouldn't come back into focus even after he clumsily wiped at the wetness on his cheeks.
"I'll take her for a moment, all right?" Neville carefully lifted Holly out of his arms.
Dropping his glasses onto the chair, Harry held his head in his hands and tried his best to stifle the sobs that threatened to break out of his throat. Hermione rubbed his back with comforting strokes.
"Sorry," Harry mumbled.
"What are you apologising for?" Hermione sounded confused. "I'd be a complete mess if I were you."
"'s not…not helping."
Hermione wordlessly folded him into her arms.
Grateful for the opportunity to hide away for a few moments, Harry returned the embrace and closed his eyes. Draco and Holly depended on him, and it would do no one any good if he let himself go. A few deep breaths later, he deemed himself ready to face his friends again.
He nodded and mouthed a quick thanks at Hermione before turning to Neville. "Can I have her again?" His voice remained steady, which he was rather grateful for.
"Of course."
This time, Holly's eyes were open and trained on him.
"Hello there."
She waved her hands as if to return his greeting.
Steadily meeting her gaze, Harry stroked her cheeks gently. "Draco and I have been waiting for you for a long time now, you know? It's nice to finally meet you."
It felt strange to call Draco by his name when speaking to her. He realised with a start that they'd never talked about what she might call them. A few possibilities flitted through his mind, all of which seemed unfamiliar and odd when he tried to associate them with himself. Maybe Draco was particularly fond of one or two; he'd happily leave the decision up to him.
"When do you reckon Draco is going to wake up?"
"Not for a little while yet," Hermione replied. "Are you tired? I can stay for a bit longer, and Neville's already said he'd be around until tonight at least, if you want to rest."
"And even then, I'll only be up in the greenhouses, in case you need me," he added.
Harry nodded. He had to admit that the prospect of being alone with Holly was rather daunting. "I don’t think I can sleep now," he said in reply to Hermione's question.
"I don't think I could either, even if it would be the most sensible thing to do. Considering that you won't be getting much rest in the near future."
"That's all right. I'm just glad she's here now." His eyes drifted to Holly of their own accord; it seemed as if he could not stop watching her. "Can I keep her with me for now?"
"Certainly," Neville said. "She'd probably prefer you over the bassinet anyway."
A smile tugged at the corners of Harry's mouth. "You think so?"
He nodded. "You're warm and familiar. She's most likely used to your voice already and she'll like listening to your heartbeat. If you move her up a little, she'll hear it better." Neville gestured with his arms.
Harry imitated him, shifting her to rest against his chest. He also used the opportunity to turn sideways in the chair and draw his knees up, leaving him curled up and comfortable.
Neville nodded in approval. "We brought a few things that need setting up. Nappies and the like."
"Oh, Neville found the most fantastic thing! It's like a Muggle washing machine, except it's a lot smaller and much more efficient. I haven’t quite figured out yet how it works, but I think it has something to do with-"
"That's wonderful, Hermione," Harry interjected before she could launch into a long-winded explanation. "Thank you. I hadn't even thought of that."
"I also brought a few books about infant care and….well, you can see for yourself."
Harry nodded and watched them unpack and unshrink a few things before returning his attention to Holly, who had fallen asleep again. He carefully rested a hand on her back, afraid of holding her too tight and crushing her delicate bones. It amazed him how she weighed nearly nothing and yet filled his arms so completely.
The rest of his body soon began to feel heavy, especially his eyelids. They wouldn't remain open, and after a brief struggle, he gave up and allowed them to close, drifting into sleep without being aware of it.
~*~*~
When Harry woke up, the first thing he noticed was Holly's absence. A panic-filled moment passed before he spotted the bassinet right next to his chair, holding his sleeping daughter and a folded piece of paper.
Harry,
We finished putting everything away. Hermione needed to leave, but didn't want to wake you. She'll come round tomorrow and check on Draco. I'm over in the next room if you need me.
Neville
Harry dropped the note on the chair. A glance to the bed confirmed that Draco was still asleep.
Looking back down at Holly, Harry noticed that someone had dressed her in a sleepsuit that had little sheep and ducks printed on it. He was tempted to reach out and feel the soft material, but didn't want to disturb her. Once again, he couldn't stop watching her, silently cataloguing every little movement she made, from the stretch of a hand to the twitch of a foot.
What would Draco think when he first saw her? Maybe he would feel the same bewildering jumble of elation and terror, the same overwhelming joy of finally holding her mixed with the fear of being unable to keep her safe and happy. Or perhaps Draco would experience something entirely different, considering that she had been a part of him for so long and now was not with him in the same way anymore. Would her presence in his arms outweigh that loss?
Harry's eyes wandered over to Draco. He looked peaceful, his chest rising and falling in an even rhythm. But there were dark smudges under his eyes and his skin was a shade paler than usual. The twinge in Harry's heart took him across the room in quick steps, the need to be close to Draco tugging at him in a nearly physical way.
Draco's eyelids fluttered when Harry sat down on the edge of the mattress, and his eyes opened fully as Harry's hand came to rest on his arm. Several stages of recognition flitted through the grey eyes-the usual reorientation after waking up, followed by relief when his gaze met Harry's, and finally, a pained longing that shot right through Harry all the way down to his fingers, which briefly tightened around Draco's arm.
"Where is she?" Draco whispered hoarsely.
"She's sleeping. In the bassinet." Harry nodded in its direction. "How do you feel?"
Draco shook his head once, dismissing the question. "I want to see her." He moved to sit up and halted mid-way, a half-stifled gasp slipping past his lips.
"Easy," Harry mumbled while his arm came around Draco's shoulders to help him into a more comfortable position. "Maybe you should have one of those pain relieving potions first."
"Later." His eyes darted across the room and back to Harry. "Please. I need to…"
Harry wondered if Draco wasn't nervous at all. He held his gaze for a moment, finding only yearning there. "I'll get her."
Holly fidgeted when Harry picked her up, apparently disgruntled that her sleep was disturbed. "Shhh, it's okay, you'll meet your….you'll meet Draco now, okay?"
She appeared thoroughly unimpressed with Harry's words and continued to wiggle around, forcing Harry to grip her more tightly. While he still had his back to Draco, Harry briefly considered looking for the little hat she'd worn when he'd seen her for the first time, but then decided that Draco would just have to get used to the hair.
"She's a little unhappy that I woke her up," Harry explained when he handed her to Draco.
"'s okay," came the muttered reply.
Draco's eyes widened briefly as his fingers carded through the fine red hair, but otherwise he remained very still.
Too still as far as Harry was concerned. He wanted to know what went on in Draco's mind, but he also understood that these first moments were important and he shouldn't intrude. He watched as Draco's hand moved over Holly's side and belly in soothing motions until she settled down and slipped into sleep once more.
"There you go," Draco said quietly, a tenderness in his tone that Harry had heard on very few occasions before.
"The hair's quite a surprise, isn't it?" Harry said, unable to keep silent any longer.
"Hmm." Draco drew out the sound as if in deep contemplation. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say I accidentally shagged a Weasley."
Harry laughed. "It's a very good thing that we both know that not to be true."
"Indeed."
Harry's smile faded a little. "It's like my mum's, you know."
Draco was most likely aware of that, but it felt good to say it out loud.
"Yeah, I do. It's lovely."
There was such warmth in Draco's voice that Harry found it difficult to breathe for a moment. A small part of him had worried that Draco would be genuinely disappointed, but he now realised how foolish that notion had been. The way Draco held Holly close to his body and the reverence with which he looked at her said more than enough about his feelings for their daughter.
"She has your fingers, though," Harry observed.
Draco raised one eyebrow in his direction. "It's a bit too early to draw such conclusions, don't you think?"
"I'm serious, look-" Harry gently poked at one of Holly's hands, curled into a fist that rested on her chest.
Draco shifted nervously. "Stop, she's going to cry and-"
"She won't," Harry replied confidently but held his breath nevertheless.
Holly slowly stretched her fingers, followed by a jerk of her arm. Her hand smacked lightly against Draco's side.
"So different," Draco whispered.
"What?"
Draco caught Holly's hand and watched her fingers curl around his. "She used to do that before, too, and…"
"It's hard to believe that she's here with us now, isn’t it?"
Draco nodded. A rather sombre expression had settled over his features.
Harry tucked a few strands of hair behind Draco's ear. His hand lingered against his cheek for a moment, then slid around to his nape. "That's a good thing, right? To finally be able to see her and to hold her?"
"Yes." Draco's reply was not much more than a quick draw of breath. "I don't ever want to let her go, Harry."
The remark startled Harry even though he could also relate to it, having felt much the same way earlier. He moved closer to Draco, so close that he could feel every exhalation of Draco's breath against his face.
"This morning," he began, "when Neville first gave her to me, I didn’t want to stop holding her either and I actually fell asleep with her still in my arms. And…I suppose what I'm trying to say that you don't have to let go of her. I'll be here and make sure nothing happens, okay?"
Draco sighed. "Okay."
"Draco, what-"
A quick tilt of head brought Draco's lips to Harry's, only brushing against one another before Draco pulled away again. Almost instinctively, Harry followed, but was stopped by the press of Draco's hand against his chest.
"Your glasses."
Harry took them off and was about to drop them on the bed when Draco closed the distance between them once more. The glasses slipped out of Harry's hand.
They kissed for a long time, slow and unhurried.
Draco drew back a little, only far enough so he could speak. "Love you."
Harry smiled. Even if there were things Draco couldn't share with him right now, they would be just fine. He couldn't imagine how the birth of a child was anything other than overwhelming. It would probably be much more unsettling if they both felt completely certain about everything right now. "Love you, too."
Draco affectionately rubbed his nose against Harry's cheek and kissed the corner of his mouth before sinking into the pillows propped up behind him.
"For such a small person she can become rather heavy," he observed as he shifted Holly from his right arm to his left.
"How are you feeling? Do you want the potion now?"
"I feel….rather like a gutted fish. Only more alive, I suppose." Draco halted. "I could do with a spot of pain reliever now, yes."
Harry sorted through the various bottles on the overturned box that served as their nightstand. "Here."
Draco downed the potion and frowned. "Tingles."
"Better now?" Harry took the bottle from Draco.
"Yeah." He relaxed further into the pillows. "You are entirely too far away."
"Am I now?" Harry teased as he climbed over to the other side of the bed. "Where do you want me?"
"Behind me. So I can lean against you."
When Draco had been sick in January, that had been the only position he could comfortably sleep in. Since then, Draco always sought to be held in that particular way when he was distraught or uncomfortable.
"Are you sure you're all right?" Harry asked once they had both settled in.
Draco smoothed down Holly's sleepsuit, his fingers lingering here and there. "She needs light and air, neither of which is in significant supply down here."
"I know. We won't be stuck here for much longer, and in the meantime, I could take her outside for a bit every day, under my invisibility cloak, and--"
"No," Draco interjected firmly. "That's too dangerous. You can never know who might see a door open seemingly on its own and decide to investigate. I will not have you risk being discovered so easily."
"Okay, then...then we'll just have to make sure we try to clear everything up as quickly as we can. You know how hard Hermione's been working on getting her hands on Ginny's file. I think she's used every contact she has at the Ministry, and just the day before yesterday, she mentioned that she'd probably be able to get the documents before the end of the week, which means that--"
Harry halted. Draco had grown increasingly tense in his arms, to the point where he sat up so straight that his shoulder blades dug uncomfortably into Harry's chest. Holly started squirming.
"Hey," Harry whispered softly as he slipped one hand under the T-shirt Draco was wearing. His fingers trailed lightly over Draco's skin. "You don't have to think about any of that for now. All I want you to focus on is getting better and getting to know our daughter, okay?"
"You can hardly expect me to simply lie here and not do anything when everyone else is making decisions about our future!" Draco shot back.
"I didn't mean that--"
Holly whimpered, and Harry instantly forgot what he was about to say.
"Shhh, sweetheart, everything's all right..." Draco was holding her with both arms now, her head nearly on his shoulder. One of her hands had grasped the collar of his shirt.
Harry remained silent until she had settled down. He could very well imagine that Draco would glare at him now if he didn't have his back turned towards Harry. After taking a deep breath, Harry said in his most soothing voice, "Draco, I...for the next few days, I don't want to have to think about the rest of the world. I only want to think about you, and her, and us, and what all that means."
Draco didn't respond right away, but Harry noticed that he seemed more at ease than before. Harry even thought he heard a soft sigh when his fingers resumed their earlier movement, back and forth over a small patch of skin on Draco's side.
"Okay," he finally said, and relaxed into their embrace again.
Harry didn't press for more. There was time to talk later; for now, he only wanted to remain there, with Draco in his arms and Holly close by, and enjoy their first moments together as a family.
TBC.
Here's a pic of Harry with Holly [thank you, starbellys!!]
http://coffeejunkii.livejournal.com/394990.html?thread=6240494#t6240494
And one of Draco and Holly [also by starbellys]:
http://coffeejunkii.livejournal.com/394990.html?thread=6242798#t6242798
Feedback is always welcome!
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Liminal, Part 2
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Rating: PG-13
Category: Futurefic/War, Angst, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, mpreg
Summary: Liminal, from Latin limen, meaning threshold: a state of being in-between.
Thank you to rurounihime for betaing, to akahannah for preventing me from murdering British English, and to wildegirl_05 for brainstorming the last sentence.
Part 1.
~*~*~
Someone was talking to him. Harry jerked upright and his head hit the wall with a dull thud. He swore under his breath.
"Sorry, didn't meant to startle you," Hermione said. Her hand came to rest on Harry's shoulder.
"I'm fine." Awareness settled in: Hermione was here to tell him something. About Draco and Holly. "Are they okay?"
Hermione nodded. She paused for a moment, her gaze steadily on Harry. "Would you like to see your daughter?"
All air whooshed out of Harry's lungs at those words, and he was glad that he was sitting down already. "Yes," he replied hoarsely. "Yes."
Hermione took his hands and pulled him up. Her fingers tightened around Harry's in a light squeeze before she let go. "Deep breath. Don't faint on me now."
The mirth in her eyes was comforting, even if it didn't take away the tingling all over his body. "I'll try not to."
He followed her lead, but stopped in his tracks as soon as he entered the room. Neville stood across from him, a small bundle of white blankets in his arms. Harry thought he could see two tiny hands sticking out.
His legs were so wobbly that he wasn't sure he could take another step on them. This was the moment he'd been living for since last September, but he felt completely unprepared. His eyes flickered to the bed, to Draco, who was sleeping soundly. All lines had been smoothed away from his face, no traces left of the agony of the past hours. Harry breathed a bit easier.
"Do you maybe want to sit down?"
Neville's voice interrupted Harry's thoughts and he nodded. He noticed a familiar armchair in the corner that hadn't been there before. "That's yours."
Hermione smiled. "Yes. I figured it would serve you better than me."
Harry had barely sat down when Neville placed something warm and light and tiny in his arms. He wanted to protest that this was all happening too fast and he needed more time, that he really wanted to savour this moment so he would be able to remember it in all its facets later on. Instead, his mind was completely blank. He looked and looked, yet saw only fragments at a time. A small button nose. Two tightly shut eyes. Two arms that curled towards the small body. A fist that opened easily when he gently prodded at it and firmly closed around his finger without the intention of letting go. Two feet that fit perfectly in the palm of his hand.
"You do need to remember how to breathe," Neville said gently.
Harry looked up. "Right. Breathe. I…sorry, but I…" He let out a choked laugh.
"Congratulations, Harry." Hermione leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheek.
"Thank you." His eyes returned to his daughter. "She is…"
"Gorgeous?" Neville offered.
Harry sent a grateful smile in his direction. "Yes."
"She's also perfectly healthy," Hermione added. "A tad on the light side in terms of weight, but nothing to worry about."
"What about Draco?"
"He's fine as well. Probably needs a lot of rest in the coming days, but he's as good as can be expected."
"What do you mean?"
Hermione sat down on the edge of the chair. "There were a few critical moments. Labour had proceeded for quite a while and, well, it makes things more difficult. But I assure you that there won't be any more complications."
The calm confidence in her voice reassured Harry more than her words did. If there was anything wrong with Draco, she would have told him. "Thank you." He looked at Neville. "Thank you both. You've done so much for me and Draco, I don't know how-"
"Don't mention it," Neville interrupted. "Friends, remember?"
The word didn't do justice to everything they had been through over the years, all that had been given or lost or gained. Harry held Neville's gaze for a moment and knew he understood. Quietly, he said, "Yes. Friends."
Hermione cleared her throat. "There's one thing you haven't seen yet."
Harry frowned and watched her reach across him to pluck off the hat he hadn't even realised Holly was wearing.
"Oh my god." The words rushed out in a pressed whisper as Harry stared at the wisps of red hair that stuck out in all directions. "Draco's going to kill me."
Hermione laughed. "I doubt that, but it is a bit unexpected, I have to say."
"I always thought she'd have blonde hair, like Draco because…because…" Harry's throat was too tight to speak. His eyes prickled and the world blurred. It wouldn't come back into focus even after he clumsily wiped at the wetness on his cheeks.
"I'll take her for a moment, all right?" Neville carefully lifted Holly out of his arms.
Dropping his glasses onto the chair, Harry held his head in his hands and tried his best to stifle the sobs that threatened to break out of his throat. Hermione rubbed his back with comforting strokes.
"Sorry," Harry mumbled.
"What are you apologising for?" Hermione sounded confused. "I'd be a complete mess if I were you."
"'s not…not helping."
Hermione wordlessly folded him into her arms.
Grateful for the opportunity to hide away for a few moments, Harry returned the embrace and closed his eyes. Draco and Holly depended on him, and it would do no one any good if he let himself go. A few deep breaths later, he deemed himself ready to face his friends again.
He nodded and mouthed a quick thanks at Hermione before turning to Neville. "Can I have her again?" His voice remained steady, which he was rather grateful for.
"Of course."
This time, Holly's eyes were open and trained on him.
"Hello there."
She waved her hands as if to return his greeting.
Steadily meeting her gaze, Harry stroked her cheeks gently. "Draco and I have been waiting for you for a long time now, you know? It's nice to finally meet you."
It felt strange to call Draco by his name when speaking to her. He realised with a start that they'd never talked about what she might call them. A few possibilities flitted through his mind, all of which seemed unfamiliar and odd when he tried to associate them with himself. Maybe Draco was particularly fond of one or two; he'd happily leave the decision up to him.
"When do you reckon Draco is going to wake up?"
"Not for a little while yet," Hermione replied. "Are you tired? I can stay for a bit longer, and Neville's already said he'd be around until tonight at least, if you want to rest."
"And even then, I'll only be up in the greenhouses, in case you need me," he added.
Harry nodded. He had to admit that the prospect of being alone with Holly was rather daunting. "I don’t think I can sleep now," he said in reply to Hermione's question.
"I don't think I could either, even if it would be the most sensible thing to do. Considering that you won't be getting much rest in the near future."
"That's all right. I'm just glad she's here now." His eyes drifted to Holly of their own accord; it seemed as if he could not stop watching her. "Can I keep her with me for now?"
"Certainly," Neville said. "She'd probably prefer you over the bassinet anyway."
A smile tugged at the corners of Harry's mouth. "You think so?"
He nodded. "You're warm and familiar. She's most likely used to your voice already and she'll like listening to your heartbeat. If you move her up a little, she'll hear it better." Neville gestured with his arms.
Harry imitated him, shifting her to rest against his chest. He also used the opportunity to turn sideways in the chair and draw his knees up, leaving him curled up and comfortable.
Neville nodded in approval. "We brought a few things that need setting up. Nappies and the like."
"Oh, Neville found the most fantastic thing! It's like a Muggle washing machine, except it's a lot smaller and much more efficient. I haven’t quite figured out yet how it works, but I think it has something to do with-"
"That's wonderful, Hermione," Harry interjected before she could launch into a long-winded explanation. "Thank you. I hadn't even thought of that."
"I also brought a few books about infant care and….well, you can see for yourself."
Harry nodded and watched them unpack and unshrink a few things before returning his attention to Holly, who had fallen asleep again. He carefully rested a hand on her back, afraid of holding her too tight and crushing her delicate bones. It amazed him how she weighed nearly nothing and yet filled his arms so completely.
The rest of his body soon began to feel heavy, especially his eyelids. They wouldn't remain open, and after a brief struggle, he gave up and allowed them to close, drifting into sleep without being aware of it.
~*~*~
When Harry woke up, the first thing he noticed was Holly's absence. A panic-filled moment passed before he spotted the bassinet right next to his chair, holding his sleeping daughter and a folded piece of paper.
Harry,
We finished putting everything away. Hermione needed to leave, but didn't want to wake you. She'll come round tomorrow and check on Draco. I'm over in the next room if you need me.
Neville
Harry dropped the note on the chair. A glance to the bed confirmed that Draco was still asleep.
Looking back down at Holly, Harry noticed that someone had dressed her in a sleepsuit that had little sheep and ducks printed on it. He was tempted to reach out and feel the soft material, but didn't want to disturb her. Once again, he couldn't stop watching her, silently cataloguing every little movement she made, from the stretch of a hand to the twitch of a foot.
What would Draco think when he first saw her? Maybe he would feel the same bewildering jumble of elation and terror, the same overwhelming joy of finally holding her mixed with the fear of being unable to keep her safe and happy. Or perhaps Draco would experience something entirely different, considering that she had been a part of him for so long and now was not with him in the same way anymore. Would her presence in his arms outweigh that loss?
Harry's eyes wandered over to Draco. He looked peaceful, his chest rising and falling in an even rhythm. But there were dark smudges under his eyes and his skin was a shade paler than usual. The twinge in Harry's heart took him across the room in quick steps, the need to be close to Draco tugging at him in a nearly physical way.
Draco's eyelids fluttered when Harry sat down on the edge of the mattress, and his eyes opened fully as Harry's hand came to rest on his arm. Several stages of recognition flitted through the grey eyes-the usual reorientation after waking up, followed by relief when his gaze met Harry's, and finally, a pained longing that shot right through Harry all the way down to his fingers, which briefly tightened around Draco's arm.
"Where is she?" Draco whispered hoarsely.
"She's sleeping. In the bassinet." Harry nodded in its direction. "How do you feel?"
Draco shook his head once, dismissing the question. "I want to see her." He moved to sit up and halted mid-way, a half-stifled gasp slipping past his lips.
"Easy," Harry mumbled while his arm came around Draco's shoulders to help him into a more comfortable position. "Maybe you should have one of those pain relieving potions first."
"Later." His eyes darted across the room and back to Harry. "Please. I need to…"
Harry wondered if Draco wasn't nervous at all. He held his gaze for a moment, finding only yearning there. "I'll get her."
Holly fidgeted when Harry picked her up, apparently disgruntled that her sleep was disturbed. "Shhh, it's okay, you'll meet your….you'll meet Draco now, okay?"
She appeared thoroughly unimpressed with Harry's words and continued to wiggle around, forcing Harry to grip her more tightly. While he still had his back to Draco, Harry briefly considered looking for the little hat she'd worn when he'd seen her for the first time, but then decided that Draco would just have to get used to the hair.
"She's a little unhappy that I woke her up," Harry explained when he handed her to Draco.
"'s okay," came the muttered reply.
Draco's eyes widened briefly as his fingers carded through the fine red hair, but otherwise he remained very still.
Too still as far as Harry was concerned. He wanted to know what went on in Draco's mind, but he also understood that these first moments were important and he shouldn't intrude. He watched as Draco's hand moved over Holly's side and belly in soothing motions until she settled down and slipped into sleep once more.
"There you go," Draco said quietly, a tenderness in his tone that Harry had heard on very few occasions before.
"The hair's quite a surprise, isn't it?" Harry said, unable to keep silent any longer.
"Hmm." Draco drew out the sound as if in deep contemplation. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say I accidentally shagged a Weasley."
Harry laughed. "It's a very good thing that we both know that not to be true."
"Indeed."
Harry's smile faded a little. "It's like my mum's, you know."
Draco was most likely aware of that, but it felt good to say it out loud.
"Yeah, I do. It's lovely."
There was such warmth in Draco's voice that Harry found it difficult to breathe for a moment. A small part of him had worried that Draco would be genuinely disappointed, but he now realised how foolish that notion had been. The way Draco held Holly close to his body and the reverence with which he looked at her said more than enough about his feelings for their daughter.
"She has your fingers, though," Harry observed.
Draco raised one eyebrow in his direction. "It's a bit too early to draw such conclusions, don't you think?"
"I'm serious, look-" Harry gently poked at one of Holly's hands, curled into a fist that rested on her chest.
Draco shifted nervously. "Stop, she's going to cry and-"
"She won't," Harry replied confidently but held his breath nevertheless.
Holly slowly stretched her fingers, followed by a jerk of her arm. Her hand smacked lightly against Draco's side.
"So different," Draco whispered.
"What?"
Draco caught Holly's hand and watched her fingers curl around his. "She used to do that before, too, and…"
"It's hard to believe that she's here with us now, isn’t it?"
Draco nodded. A rather sombre expression had settled over his features.
Harry tucked a few strands of hair behind Draco's ear. His hand lingered against his cheek for a moment, then slid around to his nape. "That's a good thing, right? To finally be able to see her and to hold her?"
"Yes." Draco's reply was not much more than a quick draw of breath. "I don't ever want to let her go, Harry."
The remark startled Harry even though he could also relate to it, having felt much the same way earlier. He moved closer to Draco, so close that he could feel every exhalation of Draco's breath against his face.
"This morning," he began, "when Neville first gave her to me, I didn’t want to stop holding her either and I actually fell asleep with her still in my arms. And…I suppose what I'm trying to say that you don't have to let go of her. I'll be here and make sure nothing happens, okay?"
Draco sighed. "Okay."
"Draco, what-"
A quick tilt of head brought Draco's lips to Harry's, only brushing against one another before Draco pulled away again. Almost instinctively, Harry followed, but was stopped by the press of Draco's hand against his chest.
"Your glasses."
Harry took them off and was about to drop them on the bed when Draco closed the distance between them once more. The glasses slipped out of Harry's hand.
They kissed for a long time, slow and unhurried.
Draco drew back a little, only far enough so he could speak. "Love you."
Harry smiled. Even if there were things Draco couldn't share with him right now, they would be just fine. He couldn't imagine how the birth of a child was anything other than overwhelming. It would probably be much more unsettling if they both felt completely certain about everything right now. "Love you, too."
Draco affectionately rubbed his nose against Harry's cheek and kissed the corner of his mouth before sinking into the pillows propped up behind him.
"For such a small person she can become rather heavy," he observed as he shifted Holly from his right arm to his left.
"How are you feeling? Do you want the potion now?"
"I feel….rather like a gutted fish. Only more alive, I suppose." Draco halted. "I could do with a spot of pain reliever now, yes."
Harry sorted through the various bottles on the overturned box that served as their nightstand. "Here."
Draco downed the potion and frowned. "Tingles."
"Better now?" Harry took the bottle from Draco.
"Yeah." He relaxed further into the pillows. "You are entirely too far away."
"Am I now?" Harry teased as he climbed over to the other side of the bed. "Where do you want me?"
"Behind me. So I can lean against you."
When Draco had been sick in January, that had been the only position he could comfortably sleep in. Since then, Draco always sought to be held in that particular way when he was distraught or uncomfortable.
"Are you sure you're all right?" Harry asked once they had both settled in.
Draco smoothed down Holly's sleepsuit, his fingers lingering here and there. "She needs light and air, neither of which is in significant supply down here."
"I know. We won't be stuck here for much longer, and in the meantime, I could take her outside for a bit every day, under my invisibility cloak, and--"
"No," Draco interjected firmly. "That's too dangerous. You can never know who might see a door open seemingly on its own and decide to investigate. I will not have you risk being discovered so easily."
"Okay, then...then we'll just have to make sure we try to clear everything up as quickly as we can. You know how hard Hermione's been working on getting her hands on Ginny's file. I think she's used every contact she has at the Ministry, and just the day before yesterday, she mentioned that she'd probably be able to get the documents before the end of the week, which means that--"
Harry halted. Draco had grown increasingly tense in his arms, to the point where he sat up so straight that his shoulder blades dug uncomfortably into Harry's chest. Holly started squirming.
"Hey," Harry whispered softly as he slipped one hand under the T-shirt Draco was wearing. His fingers trailed lightly over Draco's skin. "You don't have to think about any of that for now. All I want you to focus on is getting better and getting to know our daughter, okay?"
"You can hardly expect me to simply lie here and not do anything when everyone else is making decisions about our future!" Draco shot back.
"I didn't mean that--"
Holly whimpered, and Harry instantly forgot what he was about to say.
"Shhh, sweetheart, everything's all right..." Draco was holding her with both arms now, her head nearly on his shoulder. One of her hands had grasped the collar of his shirt.
Harry remained silent until she had settled down. He could very well imagine that Draco would glare at him now if he didn't have his back turned towards Harry. After taking a deep breath, Harry said in his most soothing voice, "Draco, I...for the next few days, I don't want to have to think about the rest of the world. I only want to think about you, and her, and us, and what all that means."
Draco didn't respond right away, but Harry noticed that he seemed more at ease than before. Harry even thought he heard a soft sigh when his fingers resumed their earlier movement, back and forth over a small patch of skin on Draco's side.
"Okay," he finally said, and relaxed into their embrace again.
Harry didn't press for more. There was time to talk later; for now, he only wanted to remain there, with Draco in his arms and Holly close by, and enjoy their first moments together as a family.
TBC.
Here's a pic of Harry with Holly [thank you, starbellys!!]
http://coffeejunkii.livejournal.com/394990.html?thread=6240494#t6240494
And one of Draco and Holly [also by starbellys]:
http://coffeejunkii.livejournal.com/394990.html?thread=6242798#t6242798
Feedback is always welcome!
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