I really enjoy cold water after a breath mint. Dunno why.

[cokeandsympathy]

I need help.
Recently my family's been determining the best way to give my now 15(ish) year old cousin THE TALKThe following was my contribution

Comments

[dgenerator]

This is phenomenal and I agree with it unabashedly. With the possible caveat that you need to include more robots in the Talk.

I also realize my parents never gave me The Talk. Maybe I should forget how it works.

[bacchuswino]

My father is an Episcopal Priest, used to work with the civil rights movement in the sixties, pictures with MLK and all that, quasi-pillar of whichever community he happens to inhabit given what various diocese need from him and whatnot

[dgenerator]

Answer me this.

WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN, MAN?

[bacchuswino]

Off the grid, so to speak. Dissapointing relationships (is there any other kind?) and a number of pressures kind of just stuck me in a hidy-hole for more than a bit.

I'm starting school again in a little over a week though, training for EMT certification and an eventual nursing degree if all goes as planned. While it's something I've wanted to do for a while I'm still having difficulty imagining many of my old friends feeling comfortable when I show up with flashing lights and tell them that they need to keep calm.

How's Seattle treating you?

[hypehavoc]

"Billy, I'm sure you've heard of a vagina by now. Forget all that. I'm gonna teach you about ramming your manhood in the dirt chute. You know why Jesus didn't have kids? That's right. Ramming the dirt chute. Babies are bad. We didn't want to have you, but it kinda slipped while I was ramming your mother's dirt chute..."

I should continue... but I'm done pooping at the moment.

This is deeply disturbing...

[catswithwheels]

Dirt chute? I'm amazed you didn't work felching into that somehow.

I'm sure Mom and Dad will be on here any second to dispute this fact, but I swear to god the only conversation I ever got that came close to The Talk was when we were in the back seat of the Tempo on the way to a party at Grandma's house and it consisted of "You know if I a girl says stop, you need to stop, right?"

'course, that doesn't really apply to me anymore. LOL

Re: This is deeply disturbing...

[hypehavoc]

Ahhhhh, wrong!!!! We had talks re: safe sex waaaaay back then. Yup, I was pissing you off even then. The cycle continues. Funny, but I remember these talks also being in the car. Cars and sex theme here.

I have to run out and get a nun costume and create the puppets mentioned in another post so I can see if I can make your **14** year old cousin's head explode. It's harder to punch their buttons than it was with either of you. When I talked to your 10-year old cousin about the "female products" we had access to back when I was a youngun (947 years ago), he about wet himself rolling on the floor. You and your brother would have run screaming. I'm just the odd auntie so it's more of a challenge. With hints like these, I'm sure to win!!

Although funny, I don't agree that God doesn't like dick. How great is it that the men running "his church" aren't allowed to fully utilize theirs? See, loves the dick so much he won't let them play with it.
Love to you guys!

[tea_grrl]

This is why I miss guild chat.

[spooktress]

Cut some pieces of cardboard into two tabs, and two slots. And perhaps a few curlicues and animal shapes to encourage confusion.

Then, make shadow puppets, and bang them together in all the available combinations.
It's not gonna help much, but it'll be fun.

[anonymous]

Ok.......here was the lowdown from my Dad..[your grandpa]....I still wonder if this is what was told to him by HIS Dad.....
"Son.....the best way to kill the stork....shoot it in the air"....
For a good altar boy this was some lesson to be sure!!
Love you.....
Daddy-o

Um...

[catswithwheels]

I could have gone my whole life without hearing that, Dad.