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feels alone and feels like no one understands him -
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sometimes i wish i could see life as the illusion that it is made to be. i seem to get a taste of the illusion in pieces, in speckles, in frames. i wish i could be gone, i wish i could forget. -
i sit in silence stunned
wondering. thinking. of how i fit. of how i am placed. in this world. in society ( Read more... ) -
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ive been thinking about things a lot recently. ive been thinking about drinking and drugs. it scares me. i know its because its the people im hanging around with sometimes. its not like they are drinking or using in front of me, its the lifestyle and talks we have ( Read more... ) -
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i am hating this. hating all of this. hating that i am an "addict". i fucking hate that word. im hating the people i live with. im hating my job. im hating people. i hate that i am not "normal". im feeling guilty and ashamed that i am an "addict". i really only using that word because i dont know how else to describe it. i hate the label ( Read more... ) -
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today was a trip. i kind of summed of part of it by saying it was a spiritual growth spurt. it was pointed out to me today that i put out more younger clients. like i would do some things for a younger client that i wouldnt do for another person. how did will put it? i forget. but the end result was that my bias for younger people was exposed ( Read more... ) -
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i feel wierd right now. i wasnt feeling to alright earlier this eve. the karaoke was blah. like the night wasnt shitty. i know what got me down. i felt out of place. you know when you are surrounded but a bunch of people and everyone is interacting & you just feel alone? i had the onset of that tonight. the drug that bothers me the most is ( Read more... ) -
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heavy. absolutely heavy. obviously i cant go into any details but i observed a support group for people who are involved with alcoholics and addicts at placement. heavy, just fucking heavy. individuals sit around the room in a circle and i sat across from the facilitator. throughout the meeting, i could spot the pockets. whether they were ( Read more... ) -
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so since ive been on edge & been in that questioning period for a couple weeks now, i finally broke down. with all other things going such as my sponsor and i ending our relationship and the conflict between my sponsee and friends, ive pushed the program away from me. today, i was at the point where i just wanted to end the relationship with one ( Read more... ) -
oh say say say say, oh say say say say, oh say say say say, oh say say say say, oh say say say say
im starting to really feel the wear and tear of this week. i just got over the stomach flu but my eating has not gotten back to normal yet. i cant stomach much now. drinking energy drinks and eating candy does not help at all. im dehydrated. im weak. im tired. i feel sad. im a bit irritable ( Read more... )