Lena made me homesick and now all i can think about is everything i'm missing when all i want to think about is everything i'm gaining. I know this is one of those experiences i just need to soak up, but then my mind gets taken over with thoughts of tim and of my friends and family, all i want is to be held by him and to be loved. I have some ( Read more... )

Tim hasn't emailed for days and i have tried calling multiple times, i have resigned myself to the conclusion that maybe he doesn't love me like i believed he did. I miss him so badly right now, one of the girls in my cabin is homesick and i tried talking to her but all it did was make me want to go home and be in his arms, i had to hold back tears ( Read more... )

I'm in america now, supposedly away from all my problems but they just seem to be magnifying with distance. I wish tim was here just to hold me and tell me everything was alright and to reassure me that although everything i have done has hurt him and been bitchy that i am still an ok person. I know he's still hurting because he emailed me to tell ( Read more... )

I haven't written in ages, my head has been so in the air. Me and Tim have been one big confusing mess, i split up with him and he didnt really accept it, we kept seeing eachother as friends and he wore me down, we ended up acting more as a couple than friends, and i just wasn't happy. I tried to tell him,i tried to let him know it hurt me to not ( Read more... )

Me and Tim fought really badly, i said some really bad things but i'm not sure i didn't mean them. Everything wiht him drags on me, it hurts so mucht o be with him somedays, he has so many needs and we've had such a reversal of roles when i never asked for it, i never asked for things to change and i don't want the changes. I want everything to be ( Read more... )

It hurts to smile these smiles and to know they aren't real and i don't know when they ever will be. He looks in my eyes and tries to see, tries to find the light he thinks is there...he thinks he can take the pain away, but i look at him and all i feel is shame. I don't want to feel this, and i don't want to deny him everything he wants, i'm just ( Read more... )

Things are weird sometimes, I mean everything seems ok but underneath someone can be hiding so much and hurting so much. I wish i could just hold him rather than ringing his mobile and listening to the tone knowing he won't reply, knowing he's too deeep into his own torment to hear me. I just want to hear his voice and hear it rise as he gets ( Read more... )

I felt like maybe i could get over everything and today could be alright, that none of the hurt would matter anymore, because i was dealing with it but i still find myself sitting in the corner silently contemplating life and everything that comes with it ( Read more... )

I guess I should start this thing sometime, I have had a diary on TOD forever but it's just not the same anymore, full of teeny boppers with their life crisis of what colour to dye their hair and whether or not to call their boyfriend. It just gets tiring hearing the same thing day in and day out...and it got tiring writing the same thing all the ( Read more... )