fuck curtis - i want so badly to have the advice you seek here... i have nothing, though... i don't even know any good people to talk to (other than me duh).
things WILL improve. sounds like you need a different perspective, it's just a matter of how to get it.
Curtis... always in these entries, you come back to this point where you say "So many people are depending on me to be awesome, fun, etc". Believe me that any true friends you have are fundamentally more interested in your well-being, happiness, and wholeness than in any entertainment value you may present to them - and anybody who is *truly* more interested in you for the amusement you bring them is more a groupie and less a friend anyhow. You are NOT RESPONSIBLE for making the world a better place, Curtis. You are not responsible for being the beaming light of giddy hope for the masses. That's an admirable and worthwhile end, but it's importance is entirely secondary to your responsibility to yourself
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Re: peanut galleryjenniwrenMarch 1 2007, 18:54:54 UTC
Wow that's, like, exactly what I was thinking in response to this but not having the energy to type it - being in a bit of a rough spot myself. I admire you for posting your woes here and letting us all read them. I never seem to be willing to write all my "stuff" down, though I know it would be helpful. Some form of denial I guess, or not wanting to write things down and realise the truth when my little fantasy world is so much nicer (though it causes probably more pain). See, I'm getting awfully close to ranting right now. But I don't want to
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I don't think I took on that responsibility consciously... but regardless, i FEEL that way. Sometimes I just want people to notice WITHOUT the depressing entries and whiney MSN names.
When I tell people I'm not okay it always seems that they don't really care. many do not. they say they do and then don't persue it. Sounds like I'm being a bit childish when I type it this way. I think I've been choosing the wrong people to vent to.
more importantly - I think I hAven't forgiven myself for betraying someone I thought was a friend years ago... and it just built up after a while. old feelings of having been betrayed even longer before that that never let themselves go. and that's just my friendships. this is why I asked for advice on counselling.
Go to your doctor or even a walk in clinic and ask about USTAT. USTAT has about 15 free counselling sessions paid by the government, this is what i did when i felt i needed to talk to someone. Your doctor will write up a request to USTAT for you, and about a week or two later someone from USTAT will call you and you will have a phone interview with them, and then they will set up an apointment for you. Hope that helps.
That was very well said and I appreciate that you put the time and thought into it. and no, I don't feel put upon by what you jsut said.
the thing is, I am trying to rethink my strategy - completely - and for the first time in yhis many years I'm working on not hiding what I'm really feeling. It's a tough habit to create... feeling wahtever it is, when it comes - but I realized I had very strong self-confidence issues.. and trust issues. and the same frustrations that plagued me before are not getting any better by trying to rethink relationships. my drastic change right now is going to be to just trust my friends more. put more faith in the few people that deserve my attention... rather than the people that demand it. and that in itself will be doing me a favour. I've already started working on that and it's helping immensely. I think I needed a real cry out like this because I'd held in my needs for so long.
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things WILL improve. sounds like you need a different perspective, it's just a matter of how to get it.
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When I tell people I'm not okay it always seems that they don't really care. many do not. they say they do and then don't persue it. Sounds like I'm being a bit childish when I type it this way. I think I've been choosing the wrong people to vent to.
more importantly - I think I hAven't forgiven myself for betraying someone I thought was a friend years ago... and it just built up after a while. old feelings of having been betrayed even longer before that that never let themselves go. and that's just my friendships. this is why I asked for advice on counselling.
Reply
USTAT has about 15 free counselling sessions paid by the government, this is what i did when i felt i needed to talk to someone.
Your doctor will write up a request to USTAT for you, and about a week or two later someone from USTAT will call you and you will have a phone interview with them, and then they will set up an apointment for you.
Hope that helps.
Reply
Reply
Reply
That was very well said and I appreciate that you put the time and thought into it. and no, I don't feel put upon by what you jsut said.
the thing is, I am trying to rethink my strategy - completely - and for the first time in yhis many years I'm working on not hiding what I'm really feeling. It's a tough habit to create... feeling wahtever it is, when it comes - but I realized I had very strong self-confidence issues.. and trust issues. and the same frustrations that plagued me before are not getting any better by trying to rethink relationships. my drastic change right now is going to be to just trust my friends more. put more faith in the few people that deserve my attention... rather than the people that demand it. and that in itself will be doing me a favour. I've already started working on that and it's helping immensely. I think I needed a real cry out like this because I'd held in my needs for so long.
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