Sorry, rushed beta-ing but...maxxim_huzzahOctober 23 2006, 14:09:05 UTC
Kukukuku--THE MANGEKYOU SHARINGAN! I've been itching for a fic that has this kind of fight between them! BWA HA HA HA HA YES YEAH!!
...waitaminit, I'm a beta!
Well, considering the first part--it's a sigh-worthy callback to the hallway scene between them. Did you want to work around more so that their adult selves show through in that scene? The references to Shisui are nice. I would say though, that in a piece as short as this, repeated words really stand out, like shattered. Maybe better to go with 'shards of glass' or 'glass shards'?
A full moon bled over them, VERY very nice.
I can give a better critique after some sleep. But I am glad you are back in the fandom! ♥
Re: Sorry, rushed beta-ing but...compagnieOctober 23 2006, 22:37:37 UTC
XD I can totally send you the next part when I am done, because it is going to be a lot longer (WHHHY?) and I can hash plot with you if you want though (though really, I don't know what the hell I'm plotting *cough*)
Thank you for pointing that out. It's actually one of the things I hate to do (repeated words) unless I mean for them to be repeated. And that wasn't supposed to be. Changed it. :D
I'm not sure yet if I want to flesh out the scenes more, it was one of the options I turned down when writing it because of how the second part will go, the only thing that is supposed to remain constant--or, how do I put this, actually happened--is the very first line. And if you figure that out then you know what is going to happen at the end. ♥
I'll email you stuff. If you beat me over the head encourage me I'm sure I'll get this done in decent time.
*Rubs hands evilly*maxxim_huzzahOctober 24 2006, 12:30:47 UTC
XD XD XD Totally send stuff my way or plot points you want to discuss--hit me on AIM (or email me maxximmc@hotmail--damn it that this weekend is the weekend I'm actually busy D: ...*must find email terminal*) We need more Uchihacest, yo! The really tense kind ♥.
the only thing that is supposed to remain constant--or, how do I put this, actually happened--is the very first line. Oh, now THAT is intriguing. Nope, I haven't figured it out, so I'm definitely waiting for the next parts now! >:D
Sasuke had a gash on his chin that dripped blood onto his bare chest, I'm enjoying this waaaay too much because a) it shows their relative ages (yay for TimeJump Sasuke!) b) fighting has been hinted at and c) Sasuke's bare chest? YUM. *cough*
If you beat me over the head encourage me I'm sure I'll get this done in decent time. Weapons of choice? >:D *throws pr0n, cookies, Internets, and possibility of ItaSasu doujin scans* ♥
Re: *Rubs hands evilly*compagnieOctober 25 2006, 13:11:59 UTC
You have AIM??? WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE, FOR YOU ARE ON JAPAN-TIME SO THAT MEANS *GASP* I MIGHT HAVE SOMEONE TO TALK TO IF I EVER GET ON. :DDD
Gimme your name, now!
I'm glad you are enjoying it, I accept bribes of all kinds, especially doujin-scans and pr0n. *cough*
I'll be emailing you or aim'ing you to chat your ear off soon, I bet. God, we can fangirl together--ah, bliss. *has no one to fangirl with* *has quite possibly been rereading the manga parts that include sasuke*
*STARES* YOUR BACK, backback, YOUR BACK. Thought something was wrong with the friends journal when I saw YO name next to author...haha, its been a loong week. I likey fic,*asks nicely* please give more. yourback.
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...waitaminit, I'm a beta!
Well, considering the first part--it's a sigh-worthy callback to the hallway scene between them. Did you want to work around more so that their adult selves show through in that scene? The references to Shisui are nice. I would say though, that in a piece as short as this, repeated words really stand out, like shattered. Maybe better to go with 'shards of glass' or 'glass shards'?
A full moon bled over them, VERY very nice.
I can give a better critique after some sleep. But I am glad you are back in the fandom! ♥
Reply
Thank you for pointing that out. It's actually one of the things I hate to do (repeated words) unless I mean for them to be repeated. And that wasn't supposed to be. Changed it. :D
I'm not sure yet if I want to flesh out the scenes more, it was one of the options I turned down when writing it because of how the second part will go, the only thing that is supposed to remain constant--or, how do I put this, actually happened--is the very first line. And if you figure that out then you know what is going to happen at the end. ♥
I'll email you stuff. If you beat me over the head encourage me I'm sure I'll get this done in decent time.
Reply
the only thing that is supposed to remain constant--or, how do I put this, actually happened--is the very first line. Oh, now THAT is intriguing. Nope, I haven't figured it out, so I'm definitely waiting for the next parts now! >:D
Sasuke had a gash on his chin that dripped blood onto his bare chest, I'm enjoying this waaaay too much because a) it shows their relative ages (yay for TimeJump Sasuke!) b) fighting has been hinted at and c) Sasuke's bare chest? YUM. *cough*
If you beat me over the head encourage me I'm sure I'll get this done in decent time. Weapons of choice? >:D *throws pr0n, cookies, Internets, and possibility of ItaSasu doujin scans* ♥
Reply
Gimme your name, now!
I'm glad you are enjoying it, I accept bribes of all kinds, especially doujin-scans and pr0n. *cough*
I'll be emailing you or aim'ing you to chat your ear off soon, I bet. God, we can fangirl together--ah, bliss. *has no one to fangirl with* *has quite possibly been rereading the manga parts that include sasuke*
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DAMN YOUUU I'M TRYING TO WEAN MYSELF OFF UCHIHACEST. XD
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*cough* Catch me on AIM I'm gonna give you my other journal account.
*dies*
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please continue.
PS: you don't happen to know good long D.Grayman ffs?
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Re: If I did, I would be reading them :( If I find any though, you'll be the first to know. Catch me on AIM I wanna give you my other journal account.
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But if you want it, you can have it haha.
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*doesn't have AIM anyway* *AND is sucking in Germany ->huge Time difference* XP
But if you've got any, I'll make sure to get my hands on it. Hehe.
Wait, that sentence was a bit ambiguous...well doesn't matter either way XD
PS: doesn't seem like there's any productive Switch fandom is there...
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