This is the draw of drugs. All I want right now is a separate consciousness where I'm a part of everything. Sleeping pills will do the job for now. I like to dream, yes, yes.

I don't quite understand what's going on with me. I'm not one to act, in both senses. In some stretched definition, to be idle with my personal morality is to stray from acting altogether. It's good and it's bad. I'm fucking too lazy and I keep making excuses for it. I keep rationalizing it. I don't fucking move. But I really do believe that the ( Read more... )

I think it's pretty fucking exciting that I have no idea what I want out of life right now. It's not scary anymore. I see a hell of a lot of people just throwing their lives away because they've made a decision way, way too early. I don't want to live regretting my stupid, adolescent decisions regarding the rest of my life. The only thing I know ( Read more... )

You know, there's absolutely nothing wrong with me. I just haven't quite yet met my particular group of people. I know they're out there because I see them all the time and I talk to them and everything else; I just haven't gotten to know them wholly. Altering your own sense of self to scavenge for a social security isn't nearly as rewarding as ( Read more... )

I feel pretty fucking worthless and I've got very little to offer anyone else. And the more I indulge in this feeling the more I feel this feeling. Circular statements are always the most true. Fucckkk. I want another world and I always fucking want something more. I'm constantly feeling as though I've been placed in the wrong era. I wish I lived ( Read more... )

I've gotta say. I really wish that I knew I was given a better lease on life due to what happened beyond my control. I want to know, beyond doubt that I'm the best person I can be. There is a fucking huge, prominant gap in my life and I need to know how that's affected me. I've already rationalized quite a bit by myself and come to realize who ( Read more... )

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There's never a right or a wrong. There's what's moral, and there's what's natural-- no wonder we're all so confused.

I'm thinking, if I were to get a tattoo, it would be of 父, meaning "father" in Japanese. And I'm thinking, if I do, I'd want to get it in between my fifth and sixth vertebrae on my back (counting from the top), which, I understand, in back Shiatsu, is just in between stress and tension, and heart and spirit.

I've gotta say, I have no ill will towards anyone. I'm where I want to be.