Why didn't anyone tell me I missed me birthday?

God, what's a guy got to do around here to get some fucking recognition?

[He laughs]

Mind, no fags, no booze, and no music - would've been the shittiest birthday party ever.

What do you people do for fun around here, anyway?

Okay, fine, I'll bite ( Read more... )

Okay. This is fucking ridiculous.

'S nearly fucking Valentine's, a time traditionally set aside for wailing and whining and weeping about how all my girlfriends've upped sticks and/or died. Unless I've got a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend. Then it's a time for wailing and whining and weeping about how glad I am I've got them, and going to get pissed and ( Read more... )

[Sits up, rubbing his eyes]

...Fuck, I didn't think I'd had that much to drink. Drunken hallucinations are meant to be for the drunk, not the hungover.

Seriously... Jesus fucking wept, this is not London. If this is some kind of bloody teleport or possession or illusion or something, just think you should know, I'm finding the twat who did it and ( Read more... )