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Grief… and how I'm an asshole. That doesn't deal with grief, apparently.
It's an interesting thing the way people share. What they choose to share. Teals situation has led me to many random FB pages, cancer kids. Bald deformed skulls, bright eyes, lop sided smiles. Parents curled around hospital beds, NG tubes and ports surgically installed into chests. Lumbar punctures, MRI's, cat scans, aggressive cancer scans; white ( Read more... ) -
Illumination
I have never lived anywhere with wind that bites, scrapes against your face leaving angry red impressions. The pools of blood brightening beneath pale cheeks; letting us know that we are still alive, reminding us of warmer days and heavy blankets. It slices through warm coats, up loose pant cuffs, gnawing at exposed fingertips. My nose screams rosy ( Read more... ) -
December 2
I just finished bleaching Ambers hair for the second time. She is going to dye it cotton candy pink. When we arrived to Alaska last summer she had bright blue hair. We spent a very stressful week trying to cover the blue; box after box of dye. I was convinced her hair was gonna fall out. Luckily we only had the blue stained towels to remember the ( Read more... ) -
Gaga has infested my brain.
I have never liked her. She was obnoxious, calling out for way too much attention. Attention that I despised people giving her. It seemed to be she just wanted to be different so people would praise her for it; not because she actually was special. Washingtonians seem to have this unadulterated love for her that I have never understood. They ( Read more... ) -
Timing is weird
Five, six years go by and little to no contact. The last week alone (aka this morning, last night) I have seen shit in my newsfeed bringing me back to Russells pages, instagram. Why did I take a peek? I am not sure. Maybe I wanted to know if he was still this person that I knew so well. It's strange though. Because if he were to come up to me and ( Read more... ) -
Ha
Okay. So I was being a bit dramatic. I've laid out a plan for myself and I don't see why I won't be able to make my situation here work, I just need to remember that I should be enjoying this freedom, not longing for Pollock Pines. For fucks sake I am living in a beautiful little town house right next to Seattle. There is plenty to see, do, meet, ( Read more... ) -
I don't know where my heart is
They come and they go. I woke up this morning feeling empty, void. I haven't felt full and alive in quite awhile, regardless of my new apartment, a stones toss from Seattle. The boys came for a visit, only three days but three days enough to remind me of the way that you can feel electric. With the energy of people who you become close to. Part of ( Read more... ) -
Pour, drank. Sit down, drank. Stand up, drank. Pass out, drank. Faded, drank.
Four days left in Silverdale, WA. The time always passes by quickly when visiting with friends; even though two days ago I was starting to feel anxious about not having my own space to disappear into. I like to have that kind of security blanket, shield. Luckily Amber (my future AK room mate this season) has been here with me, making pallets on the ( Read more... ) -
This feeling is strange but not unfamiliar.
There comes a point when you have been single for so long that you just... don't consider what it is to be considerate of someone else in your life all the time. I don't know how to not be selfish anymore. To a point. Of course each relationship with someone is a constant compromise, and with each person we are willing to bend different ways, or ( Read more... )