Tell me do you think it'd be alright ( Read more... )

understand we'll go hand in hand but we'll go walk alone in fear

i love thursdays. always have. tonight my headache left. of its own accord, not of mine (which would have seen it gone days ago). though i did decide it didnt matter if stayed, which may have played a role in its departure. so i ate dinner with my parents and listened to their stories and cheers'd to our second to last thursday together (' ( Read more... )

i think that maybe there is only so far you can go with someone. only so much damage you can do before it just doesnt matter anymore. before the history cant even be touched or ruined - it's too far gone. it's like the memories have been cheapened and then time passes and they become precious again and more so, they become untouchable and it doesnt ( Read more... )

i dont even know where to start. ive spent all of this beautiful sunday trying to figure out my motives, trying to understand my own actions. is it just that i wanted confirmation that he still wanted me? no i knew that. was it out of a need to prove something to my sixteen year-old self? when i was sitting on his couch, watching lord of war ( Read more... )

i just got that sickening nervous butterfly feeling in the pit of my stomach. not the excited-something-potentially-amazing-but-scary-might-happen feeling but the all-round bad version of that. so now i'm racking my brains to figure out what i've done wrong or let slide or forgotten and what the awful repercussions of that are going to be and what ( Read more... )

i'm at my parents' house for a brief hour or two (so that i can finally have some clean effing clothes) and am frantically catching up on all my usual internet and otherwise time-suckage activities. i've never felt so liberatingly (word?) disconnected in my life. true, i don't have a computer at the apartment, but i am a technology mooch (kristin' ( Read more... )

life is crashing all around me right now. a tidalwave of adultness and i'm envisioning myself inert amidst it, like that indonesian woman i saw on cnn this morning, slowly putting fingerfulls of rice into her mouth and continuously chewing as the film crews eagerly broadcast images of destroyed houses and devastation as far as the eye can see. her ( Read more... )

lately the only place i feel safe is at the gym. its really the only time i feel secure and confident and capable. its just me and the elliptical, me and the bicep curl, the tricep press, the ab mats. not that i'm even seeing results but that's less the point than is the fact that i don't flounder there. i know why i'm there, i know what i'm doing ( Read more... )

so i just got back from the gym and i'm experiencing that unique frustration associated with working your ass off and seeing no results. this is why i like (most of) school: you study, you learn your shit, you put in the time = you (usually, unless stuck with some asshole prof who refuses to give A's on 'principle') do well. the gym, alas, has its ( Read more... )