I don't feel too well right now, and I'm trying my hardest to buckle down and get this studying done, but I'm finding it hard to concentrate fully ( Read more... )

I hate this feeling, I really do.  And I'd call someone for some reassurance, but I don't want to bug him for a second time today, even though I know he wouldn't be pissed about it or anything.  I just wish it would at least hold off for a few days, because I can't talk about it until then, and if I feel like this every day for the rest of the week ( Read more... )

i was having the most perfect dream sunday night until my alarm woke me up.  i wish i hadn't even set it bc i knew i wasn't going to music class anyway and then i could have had another 45 minutes to dream.  in fact, if i could be guaranteed to have that dream, and only that dream, forever, i'd choose to fall asleep and never wake up.  sounds ( Read more... )

all good things must come to an end, and that sucks.  can't i just keep reliving the past week?  it felt just like before when i used to spend all my time there.  not that any of it meant anything, but still it was nice while it lasted.

i wish it did though...i wish it meant something to him...but as stated in the last entry he does not want me so i ( Read more... )

i'm in love with someone who doesn't love or want me anymore and is in love with someone else, and it's one of the worst feelings in the world.

every time i get a text message or my phone vibrates a couple times before the ring starts (only two of my ringtones are like that, his and kristen's), i hope it's him and am disappointed when it's not.  and ( Read more... )

i would lock my heart away for awhile so i wouldn't have to feel all this pain, but someone else is still holding onto it so i can't....and it's not even the one he wants, which is exactly the reason i wish i could lock it away.  it's quite the conundrum ( Read more... )

so about that last entry.....yeah, that's how i'm feeling right now.  i'm all alone in the apt not only tonight, but every night for the next 3 weeks basically, and that sucks--i'm going to go crazy.  but apparently my apartment sucks and people don't like to come visit me, and damn it that's what i want right now.....someone to talk to....to tell ( Read more... )

"i don't want to be alone. i have never wanted to be alone. i fucking hate it. i hate that i have no one to talk to, i hate that i have no one to call, i hate that i have no one to hold my hand, hug me, tell me everything is going to be alright. i hate that i have no one to share my hopes and dreams with. i hate that i no longer have any hopes and ( Read more... )

 so when i said the anxiety is out of my control, you really have no idea.  it seems when i'm feeling my worst, i end up having a dream about it at some point so i wake up already being stressed on a certain level.  for example, last night i had a dream about earlier in the night.  there was the phone call, talk of the upcoming visit (though in the ( Read more... )

i try to be okay, i really do....but it's so hard sometimes ( Read more... )